


1lonelysoul

by chichirichick



Category: Soul Eater
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-15 22:35:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 50,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28820835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chichirichick/pseuds/chichirichick
Summary: Thanks to Black Star and his usual way of amping up Maka until she gets backed into an unfortunate corner, Maka stumbles across something she's never supposed to find: videos posted by 1lonelysoul. The place she finds them? Well, it's almost as difficult to imagine as the content. SoMa for sure, but with just enough confusion beforehand.
Relationships: Maka Albarn & Soul Eater Evans, Maka Albarn/Soul Eater Evans
Comments: 4
Kudos: 45





	1. The Challenge

The line of conversation this morning between the boys was going to kill her. How Black Star even assumed talking about _porn_ at school was appropriate was one thing but the fact that Soul was nodding along silently, a smirk on his face was even more infuriating and her chopping hand was starting to itch. "Can you idiots talk about something actually school appropriate?"

Black Star snickered at her, "Just because you're a prude doesn't mean we have to change the subject."

Soul just let out a low whistle before that baritone chuckle started from his lips.

"I am _not_ a _prude_ ," Maka snapped back but hardly had an argument stored as a back-up beyond that. Spirit's usual flagrant displays of lewd behavior had definitely kept her from even coming close to exhibiting any outright flirting and when you considered the only person she had any kind of want to tease in that type of way was, well, usually as cool as a cucumber and probably not liable to actually latch on to that opportunity _with her_ …

"A _prude_ ," Black Star repeated with well-placed emphasis before adding a happy cackle. "Especially since I bet you've never even watched porn."

"Black Star," Soul started but was easily drowned out of the conversation.

"Because it's _disgusting_ ," Maka defended, her hands falling to her hips as she took the offensive. "It's not even real and just a manipulation of women and sets unrealistic standards of-"

"Boring," Black Star stretched the vowel over her diatribe. " _Some_ porn is like that, sure, but sex is natural, Albarn, even if you're not getting any."

Her face flared to scarlet and Soul tried to salvage the moment, "Cut it out, man. She's just not-"

"I'm not what?" Maka shrieked at Soul and she watched with confusion as the fight started but then instantly fizzled in his eyes.

"You're not into it," Black Star finished for him. "Again, prude. Not a big deal, but the rest of us…" He waved a hand between Soul and himself, making the white-haired boy's cheeks almost match hers.

"I'm _into it_ , just like everyone else!" The words didn't even hold a second on her tongue before she let them out but once they were in the air her stomach lurched especially as Black Star let out another snicker and Soul tried his best to leave that blank line to his lips.

"Sure, so that means you _do_ watch porn, just like everyone else?" Black Star was obviously goading her and while she could see the hesitation coming to Soul's face, Maka wasn't letting her partner hold her back.

"I _could_ if I wanted to." There was no backpedaling now and with a horror that was thankfully resigned to the back of her mind, she saw Black Star coming to an all too exciting conclusion in his mind.

"Then you will, huh?" Black Star pressed with a wicked smile.

"Black Star," Soul was no longer just the embarrassed bystander, suddenly looking motivated to get in the middle as he literally put himself there, a hand tentatively coming to Maka's shoulder to press her off in another direction.

"Fine, I will," Maka spat back as she ripped her shoulder from under Soul's fingers. "Since it's so _normal_ and then I'll tell you all about how it's absurd and ridiculous…" But Maka let that trail off as she flicked her hair in their direction, turning swiftly to start the quintessential stomp away.

"Dude…" Soul let a smack upside the head speak the rest of that sentence for him before he started the steady amble after his meister. "Maka," he called.

"No," Maka threw over her shoulder.

He sighed before his voice scratched out, "I don't know why you let him get to you. It's some stupid argument once a week and one of you challenges the other to something."

"So?" The answer was flippant and Maka was ready to speed up and get out of his reach when his hand preempted her and grasped tightly around her wrist. She put up just enough of a fight but let him slow her steps and turn her back to him.

"Tell me you're not going to do this stupid shit." That was bordering on an order and it made Maka's blood erupt right back to boiling.

"Why? Because I'm not normal? You think I'm a prude, too?" It was a hard accusation that wrapped a strangling new fear around her heart. _Please know how much I don't want you to answer that. I know I'm fighting and I deserve whatever you spit back at me but, please, please, please, Soul…_

"Maka…" he sighed and his fingers toyed with her wrist before quickly letting it go. She watched him layer the apathy back on, that thick skin that she hated to see come over his features. "Do what you're going to do."

Maybe that was even scarier than the answer to her questions since he just felt so far away.

* * *

Perseverating over that face he'd made was enough to keep her in her room for a majority of the afternoon. It was easy to get angry again, to blame _him_ since why was he bothering being nervous? Why did it bother him if she was doing whatever _normal_ teens did? Black Star had included Soul in that, so whatever was good enough for him wasn't good enough for her? The forced vindication didn't make her feel any better so she opted to open the browser on her phone and just jump headfirst into the terrible mess of feeling she knew was coming.

Her cheeks lit up as she typed "free porn" into the search bar. There were too many choices so she dived into the top hit. The bombardment was instantaneous, snippets and shots of things that _a prude_ would definitely balk at so Maka forced her eyes to focus. She quickly did what she knew best, falling to a list of categories, a not so bland list of terms that Maka had only a 75/25 chance of understanding. Some acronyms were beyond her and her courage stopped there, clicking on what she assumed was a safe space under the " _for women"_ heading. It was barely anything that different from the front page and Maka continued to scroll through page after page of choices.

She hit the brakes by letting her phone slip through her fingers and clunk uselessly into her lap. Her neck tilted back against the pillow, her crown just knocking against the headboard. _I'm not a prude._ Maka could say this with at least a modicum of truth behind it because she was not in any way, shape, or form immune to at least the thoughts about sex and the myriad of things that led up to it. The only issue was that the star in all of those daydreams was so far from her reach. The way they were together _was_ prudish. Holding hands, sure. In some of her worst moments an arm around her shoulder, yes. Once or twice, or honestly, a few times since she could probably give you dates for each since she memorized those moments, he had cuddled up next to her while they slept, once daring to get so close that his breath had tickled against her neck.

 _Soul_ , she sighed and just barely kept that name from coming alive on her lips. It was a conundrum of epic proportions. There was no one closer to her in this world. No one who knew more about her or held more of her secrets in quiet understanding. And while he sometimes reciprocated, it still felt to her like there was a door that he kept shut, a private place that only he ventured into and when he went there, it hurt him. _So if he can't trust me with that, why would he trust me with his heart? Why would he even want me to be the one to kiss him? To hold him? To do whatever those_ _ **normal**_ _things are that we're supposed to be exploring in our teens._

So she waited for the heartbreaking moment when he finally picked someone else to do that with. Maka had seen him _talk_ to other girls. Interact with them. Be friends with them like Liz or Tsubaki. Thankfully he'd yet to make that final jump with anyone, though that reality only came with a limited amount of comfort. With a sigh she picked up her phone again and with that torturous thought in her head, Maka typed in "Soul" in the search bar. It was stupid. It would offer her no results that somehow eased the heartache of being in love with your best friend but maybe, at least, it would offer something that wouldn't leave her overloaded.

There were what seemed to be some more romantic titles, " _Two soulmates finally share a bed"_ and similar variations of places where soulmates would meet, but for the most part, the snippets were the same. Two naked people, man and man, man and woman, woman and woman, would be in some position of passionate or sometimes uncomfortable looking love. She got so far that the search was offering channels, probably a last-ditch effort for those like her who didn't have anything particular in mind. A page or two into channels offered her the name _1lonelysoul_ , which apparently housed a whopping ten videos to its name. She clicked the name and then instantly picked the first video available.

The camera angle was strange, just a body in the frame cut from his jaw to the tops of his thighs. He was clothed, something she assumed was strange for porn since wasn't the entire point what you did when you were naked? Instead, as the video started the body's hand clenched into the sheets and he breathed out a desperate-sounding sigh. "I don't know why I'm doing this."

 _Probably money,_ Maka wanted to snort a laugh but maybe this wasn't all that humorous. She'd heard of people being taken advantage of in the sex industry and maybe-

"I'm just lonely, and maybe I want to pretend you're listening."

 _Technically, I am_. She sighed and paused the video. _You shouldn't be having a conversation with this. Just watch. Stop every last thought and loosen the hell up. Unless you want Black Star to be right?_

Play. "Maybe I'm just fucking pathetic."

_Is this supposed to turn people on? OK, Maka, shut up!_

The body groaned, not in that fake having an orgasm type of way but another anxious sound, and his hand reached out like he was going to turn off the camera. They hovered but came back. "Nah, if I'm this fucking disgusting I might as well stick with it."

Pause. Rewind a few frames to the hand near the screen. Maka focused on the image and suddenly she was skipping back to the beginning, pressing her headphones tighter in her ears and turning up the volume. "I'm just lonely, and maybe I want to pretend you're listening," repeated again at a deafening volume. The only appropriate action was to toss the phone, ripping out her headphones in the process.

_It's Soul's voice._

She stared at it like it was a live animal poised to bite and, hell, did it ever feel like one. Hours of scrolling and her wallowing over her pathetic crush had actually brought her to find _him_ and there was no mistaking it. She couldn't make any excuses. She'd held those hands, examined them, cleaned some of the wounds that were now scars on those fingers so saying that she knew every nook and cranny wasn't hyperbole. And his voice! How she hadn't instantly recognized it was beyond her, but who would have assumed her reserved weapon who only held in his darkest truths would be spewing them on a porn site, even if they were buried deeply under pages of _real_ content.

 _Or is this real, too?_ That thought tore her in two, one side mortified for stumbling on him in some private kind of moment, something that they'd always tried to be respectful of while living together but a second strange side filled with… what? Exhilaration? Some kind of secret want of her own? Maka was quick to shut the lid, settling heavily on the idea that this was some kind of invasion of privacy like she was using her soul perception on him. _He buried this for a reason so I have to respect it._

So easily thought, but in no way simply done.

It took her an hour before she brought the phone back to her lap. She refused to stick the earbuds back in and simply slid her finger along the timeline, watching the scenes only minutely changing, a hand moving here or a repositioning of a leg, breathing. The video ended without even a touch, with all clothing intact. Maka breathed a warbled sigh of relief before bringing the cursor back to the beginning. Even with her brain screaming in the background, that moral compass trying to point her away, Maka stuck the headphones back in her ears.

"I don't know why I'm doing this. I'm just lonely, and maybe I want to pretend you're listening. Maybe I'm just fucking pathetic." The pause and she watched the hands she knew so well again, causing another fluttered beat of her heart. "Nah, if I'm this fucking disgusting I might as well stick with it."

She paused. _Why are you pathetic? Disgusting? You're not doing anything other than talking!_ For a second she wanted to drop the phone and go to him. How often had he comforted her when she felt like her raw, broken heart was on display? And here he was, hurting but refusing to do it in front of her. When was the last time he had even attempted to show her how he was feeling? When was the last time she didn't have to peel it from his stubborn fingers?

Pressing play was nothing like fighting with him because it came out as an easy stream directly from his mouth. "You want to know the truth? I _want_ you. I used to blame it on being a gross, hormonal teenage boy like I was trying to catch you in a towel in the hallway which I didn't, OK? So don't fucking flip out. And I know the stupid things I've said, how much I _don't_ want you like I'm playing fucking hard to get. _Fuck_."

One of his hands disappeared above the screen, and in her mind, she could see him running the hand over his face and through his hair, his usual tick with that mess of a mane he dealt with. "But I _think_ about things. And I can hear you right now telling me ' _you always think about things'_ with that goddamn cute little giggle to follow it because, yeah, I get it, my overactive mind is part of the things that you like about me, right? Yeah, right."

That was punctuated by the most forlorn sigh yet and Maka wanted to reach in and shake him. _It is! Is it one of the things I like about you. But that's assuming this is_ _ **about you**_ _,_ _**Maka**_ _, isn't it? He's just saying 'you' not 'Maka' and you're not exactly the only girl he knows._

"Because if you knew what I thought… you'd hate me." His hands came desperately to his chest, squeezing there as if he'd sprung a leak, his heart threatening to bleed out between his fingers. The last minute of the video was him trying to breathe, and to her utter horror, Maka realized he was crying.

Even with her mind in a whirlwind, whispers that he wasn't talking about her and that she'd done nothing more than invading his privacy, Maka tossed the phone to the bed and started desperately through the apartment. He wasn't making noise so it was a game of hide-and-seek, peeking in his bedroom to nothing, then the living room, the nook he'd hidden his piano in, and then finally, frantically to the kitchen.

Soul was mid-glug of water, his eyebrows popping up over the glass as he dropped it quickly, almost choking on the mouthful as he forced it down. "What's up?"

Why was her first reaction to yell at him? To maybe call him an idiot instead of begging him to talk to her? To start a fight instead of asking simply for him to trust her just as much as she trusted him? For the first time, Maka packed the instinct away and rushed forward, pressing past his hand which spilled some water down her back but didn't stop her arms from wrapping tightly around his waist, crushing into him without a word.

"Hey!" He was somewhere between breathless and trying to produce a grumble. "You got yourself wet, dummy," Soul forced as he awkwardly dropped the glass to the counter. There was restraint in the way he touched her, just making it seem like he was attempting to clear away the water, but as the minutes ticked on without even a hint of release from her his arms found their place and his fingers left a welcome pressure on her skin. "You OK?"

The horror hit her because while her courage had brought her here, her logic was finally catching up with her. _How do I tell him that's what I want to ask him? How do I tell him 'I just watched you and it broke my heart' without betraying his trust?_ "Just a… a bad thought," the words weren't an adequate description but he grunted understanding anyway. There were a million and ten things that constituted _bad thoughts_ but all of them were well within his comprehension and just like always, Soul never pushed. He just absorbed and let his cool wash over her.


	2. I Need You

That first video was made in a complete moment of weakness. How he got the idea? Well, technically, scrolling through porn because he was a healthy, adolescent boy so that was an every now and then past time, something he kept to a minimum since the majority of his time was spent either on missions or the idea that Maka was across the hall or in the kitchen or in the apartment at all kind of fizzled his courage to risk it. It was usually a 3 AM thing or times when he could be sure she wasn't home and wasn't going to be. Why he got the idea? Well…

Masturbating to _her_ was off-limits. That was gross. It was pathetic. And the one or two times he did, the release only left him feeling guilty so honestly, he avoided it. Except while he scrolled through his list of options for videos, what did he always click on? Blond girls, athletic builds, pigtails a fucking bonus though rare. He might be immature at times but he was sure as hell self-evaluating enough to realize that those girls were just a sad replacement for her. Again, totally uncool. So, he found a small subsection of videos that weren't what he would necessarily consider porn. It was really just talking, girls whispering in your ear about what they would do to you if they could do something to you.

While the girls were often naked, at the very least there were no faces, no real characteristics besides maybe a body type and that at least he could say he was varying, even if that was a lie. So, mid-stroke while Maka was definitely visiting Spirit, the idea hit him that these girls could say anything. They had a freedom that he would never imagine because while he was as open as he could be with Maka, and _only_ Maka, he definitely couldn't share with her what he really wanted to get off his chest: that he was in love with his best friend. There was a door there that he couldn't open for her.

Because she was always open with him. She would constantly tell him how it felt impossible for her to love. She looked at her parents and saw a wreck there and expected the same for herself. Not to mention her almost weekly diatribes about weapons and meisters making the leap, usually directed again at her parents but also as another dig at Black Star always chasing Tsubaki around like a dog in heat. Or all the frou-frou male protagonists that she put on pedestals for being just gag-me romantic, something that he most certainly didn't find cool or in his wheelhouse. Everything she vented just locked that door tighter because he'd be fucked if he lost her which he obviously would if he was stupid enough to get the nerve to tell her even an ounce of what he felt on a usual basis.

So, hence the videos. Saying anything and everything he ever wanted to say because who the fuck was going to find out? Definitely not Maka because there was no chance in hell she was actually surfing porn, or at least not in his opinion. On top of that, not only was this _talking as a turn on_ a small community to begin with, but he was pretty sure the minute he started with his love-sick bullshit no one was going to watch video number two. Weirdly enough, while he wasn't exactly raking in the followers, there were people watching, and even stranger, commenting.

There were the uncomfortable comments asking about when he was going to whip out his dick, touch himself, etc: you know, all the regular expectations that came along with porn. While he did enjoy the anonymity and definitely felt safe dug into his little hole in the corner of the internet, Soul wasn't entirely sure he was actually that voyeuristic or if that was actually what he needed. So far, the release was just talking about her, and after the first two videos, he'd actually gotten over the perverted feeling.

Then there were the replies as if it were someone sure this video was about them. Those were a mix to read, some of them kind of dirty, wanting him in a much more intense way, but others just like a disjointed conversation. After that first video one actually listed what they did like about him, creating some fantasy that didn't jive with who he actually was, just what he guessed they wanted. He wasn't sure if that was more depressing than what he was feeling, going through.

Finally, there was the advice which ended up being the comments that he waited for like there was some Dr. Phil's out there just waiting to digest his obviously repetitive and negative thoughts, well, at least in the first couple videos. It felt good to hear ' _you're not disgusting'_ and ' _a lot of people say what they don't mean, it's a defense mechanism'_ and he guessed that was another reason why he didn't stop. Even after the residual terror of that stupid argument with her and Black Star, he didn't stop. _Because there's no way Maka Albarn is going to watch porn._

* * *

Maka scrolled up and down the list of videos in chronological order. Each thumbnail still showed him clothed, the only difference between frames being his outfits. It was strange to recognize them, a specific shirt or a hoodie. No video had a particular title, just the uninspired _video 1, video 2, video 3_ , and on to _10._ She spent a week bringing it up in her browser every night before bed, each time closing it because she was still a hundred percent sure that this was breaking some kind of friendship law between the two of them. After that, she crumbled and opened _video 2_.

He started by clearing his throat, the fingers of his left hand tapping nervously against his chest. "Still don't know why I'm doing a second one. Who the fuck am I kidding? I felt better. Even if I cried like some pathetic sap. I felt better." This sigh wasn't as intense as the first video's, maybe something closer to a long, low breath. "So I guess I'm going to keep talking to you because maybe I can't do it to your face but, _shit_ , do I ever want you to hear this."

 _Then why don't you tell me?_ Maka paused because she knew that thought was going to compound into another desperate tumble down into self-loathing. _Or remember, it could have absolutely nothing to do with you. These are his feelings for who knows who and just like some pathetic watcher you're putting yourself into the fantasy. Because that's what it is, a fantasy._ To solidify that statement, she pressed play again, sure that the next words out of his mouth would just verify her claims.

"I tried to decide when it happened," Soul let out a weak laugh. "I bet you would have something like this marked on your calendar or in the journal you on and off write in when you're mad at me and don't want to talk to me about something. You know, the one you _pretend_ to hide under your bed but every time you're steaming at me for who knows what you make sure to take it out and write like crazy in someplace that I can see you do it. I know, I get it, and maybe this is _my_ journal."

She paused, rolled over, and screamed into her pillow. It wasn't exactly elation, not one of those pre-pubescent girl meets boy band member shrill shrieks but just a nonsensical burst of sound since there were no words. There was no way to describe this moment in her head because it wasn't a delusion. Soul may as well have said her name because the description was a clear call-out. She could tear out that very journal right now from under her bed and expose sporadic entries from times that she needed to say things to him but her pride got in the way. It was a childish mess of a thing and he was laughing at her about it just like, well, _just like Soul would_.

This was when she knew she should completely hit the breaks, forget the entire thing, but her finger inched out and she took the luck of the draw at whether her tap would unpause the video or close it. It started playing as she practically suffocated in the pillow.

"But it's not like that, I'm not mad at you. I'm…" he cut himself off and there was shuffling, probably him resituating on the bed before he cleared his throat again. "I think about when I first started wondering about you this way and I can't pinpoint it. I guess I always liked your smile, the way you wear it and don't give a shit who sees it and whether they like it or not. And, really, you're the first and only person I've let touch me since I was a kid. I never thought I needed that, you know? Not until the first time you held my hand."

 _My smile?_ _Holding my hand?_ That built up again to more ridiculous cries smothered in the pillow.

"So maybe it was then, but how long ago was that? When's the first time you held my hand? Was it maybe a month after we met?"

 _Two_ , Maka instantly corrected.

"I remember how fucking _out of my mind_ I was when you did that. I tried to be indignant, like who the hell were you to grab me like that, no warning, no nothing, but… it was like the good part of my brain came right back and said that you were my partner. The part of my brain that I started listening to more and more and found that maybe I wasn't so lonely. Maybe I wasn't just easy to ignore, forget about. That's what I was when I met you, you know that? My brother was always going to be better than me at everything and I was just a leftover, a second failed attempt to my parents and I _lived_ that. I _knew_ that until you came along and just… you helped me _be_ something."

The noise from her mouth this time was well-formed because it came off of the tail-end of the sob that surprised her. Who cries at porn, really? But there it was, something she'd always assumed about him, the loneliness and inadequate feelings he had because of the _way_ he talked about his brother and his parents, but he never gave her the substantial answers that outright proved it. And again, she could really do nothing but cry out for him, to desperately want to soothe that feeling in him again.

"What the hell are you doing?"

Maka realized the voice wasn't in her headphones and ripped them out of her ears, flipping her phone over to hide the evidence. "Why did you come in without knocking?" she tried to make it a yell but it was nowhere near, just warbling at the edge of her pillow.

"Because I can hear you from the fucking living room," Soul griped as he took the full step into her room, abandoning his worry about the risks at the door. "Are you _crying_?" That question was part incredulous but also sprung that endless well of worry in him.

"No," and even she could tell her lie was pathetic.

"Really…?" She heard a few more footsteps and knew he was right at the bedside, probably staring down at her but she'd already preemptively tucked her face back into the pillow. "You're full of shit."

"Shut up." The words were mostly lost in the fabric, she knew that, so she added a belligerent kick of her legs for emphasis.

The sigh that escaped his lips was almost parental as if he were watching his two-year-old throwing a fit. "So, what, you were just yelling? In your pillow? For no reason?"

Maka let out a helpless groan, kicking her legs again to give her mind some momentum in the possibility for excuses. Instead, she abandoned whatever she might have formulated as a plan and rolled over, displaying her tear-stained face with a sour frown as explanation.

"So, yelling and crying," he corrected as his lips pressed into a glum, slowly withering smile.

"Yes," she admitted shakily. There was still no game plan here, and it was becoming a frightening possibility that she might just answer his questions. Normally, this was the part where she let herself be defensive, since more and more she was realizing that what she couldn't tell him usually got swept under the rug of her pretend anger.

As the sigh crumbled from his mouth so did his legs, bringing him down hard on the edge of her bed. "Angry or sad?"

"Both," the whisper was smaller this time because she was still trying to squash the normal reaction. At this point, she should be kicking him off the bed, out of the room, and then grabbing that idiot journal again.

This answer gave him pause, his mouth fiddling and working over words before he offered something even more succinct than she was expecting. "At who?"

While she never wanted to actually admit it, the answer was clear as day and if she was stealing all of his information, the least she could do was be a little freer with hers. "Myself."

"Huh." Maybe it was half of a smile on his face, a mixture of amusement and a little awe at the honesty. "You want to talk about it?"

Maka blew a huff of air to get her bangs out of her eyes before she shook her head swiftly.

"OK," he shrugged before launching back to his feet. "Look, just warn me next time. Thought you were fucking getting _murdered_ or something." Soul was laughing at his own joke as he took easy steps back to the door.

She waited until he got to the doorway, his hand on the knob. "Soul?"

"Yeah?" His eyes were soft when they passed over his shoulder to look at her again. That was the kind of look she loved from him, the one that hinted at the depths of his concern. It made her feel like she was wrapped up in a warm, fuzzy blanket right away.

"I…" _Remember that door? You've got one, too, and wishing and hoping he'd open it, really let you in without doing the same thing for him is just being a hypocrite. What you're doing isn't great, but at least don't be a hypocrite on top of it._ "I'm glad you're here. You know that I… I need you, alright?"

There was an odd strangling sound in his throat and she watched it bob like he was struggling for air for a second. "OK, got it," came quickly from his mouth and his head snapped back to face the hallway. She expected more of a hurry but he stood there for an extra minute before his fist knocked into the doorframe, grinding there as if to relieve some pressure. "I, uh, same. OK?"

No one ever said Soul Evans was eloquent and while most of the protagonists in her books could produce paragraphs worth of wooing when the right moment showed itself, maybe Maka didn't need all that. Those three and half words were all he needed to say to dig into her heart and flush her face a pink that he completely missed as he catapulted down the hallway.


	3. Late-night Questions

Soul didn't know _video 3_ was going to go like it did. Maybe it was that anonymity that fed him or the internalized catharsis of the first two, but while he was laying back and starting again at their early moments together he leaned forward. He was careful, still keeping his face just out of the frame, only a glimmer of his jaw because even his teeth would be a dead giveaway. As he turned to sit at the edge of the bed he lifted his shirt, throwing it to the side of the bed before going back to lounging. "I know you remember this," his voice was a low vibration as he ran two fingers over the scar that practically split him in two.

"I remember less when it happened and more the first time I saw your reaction to it. It was stupid because my first thought was that you were uncomfortable because you were seeing me shirtless. I mean, we were living together at that point but I didn't parade around the apartment half-naked like I would at home." He paused to laugh for a second, "Man, how would you handle that? At my parents' you were lucky to get me into something other than just my boxers if I was just staying around the house." Those fingers hit the bottom of the scar and switched direction. "But that's me thinking you look at me, or I guess _hoping_. Could you look at this and…"

A choking sound gritted against the back of his throat. "I realized it made you sad pretty quickly. I got that you had some stuff to work through about that, but I didn't regret what I'd done. Protecting you is my job but… you have to know at this point it's more than that. The idea of living without you sucks and maybe I'm stupid for thinking this is the point in the conversation where you'd be yelling at me that the idea of living without me, losing me like that terrifies you, too. Sometimes I wonder if that's what that look was."

He reached the middle of his chest and rested his palm flat, blocking the line of the scar. "Could you look at this and kiss me? Could you…" The sigh he let go filled all of him and he had to swallow the urge to let the tears come again. "Could I ever even turn you on like this? Or do you look at me and just feel guilty or worse, just feel bad for me?"

* * *

_**Fufilledtwo:** Oooooo, sexy shirtless! You should start every video like this ;)_

_**Lustfulstock:** What the hell kind of job do you do? You can't be more than 18 and that scar, wtf._

_**Jealouspossession:** Do you have scars on your legs, too? Maybe no pants next time…_

_**Dejectedbreath:** you live together, you almost died to protect that person, and you wonder if they love you? dude. go to therapy._

_**Drearywriter:** dejectedbreath pretty sure this is his therapy._

_**Mildmedium:** baby, you could totally turn me on like that. you're fucking built._

* * *

Maka watched _video 3_ a few times. Each viewing came with the unsteady decision of whether she was going to blush or cry. Maybe it was just a helpless mix of both.

* * *

They had just come back from a mission and Soul was halfway to sleep as soon as he collapsed on the bed but he angled the phone on his bedside table and started _video 4_. "I'm fucking tired but I can't get this out of my head, so I better let it out or maybe I still won't sleep." He slid his hand over the open space on the bed next to him as if he was still expecting the warmth there. "Last night, you slept next to me and I… spent most of the night thinking about how close I was to you rather than actually catching up on the sleep we both so desperately need."

"Is it pathetic that I can probably list each time we shared a bed?" He let a bitter laugh punctuate that. "'Course it is. Like the first time, in London, after that bullshit on the bridge. I wrapped up your hands the best I could and you spent the whole time setting the ground rules for the single bed we'd ended up with at the hotel. I always wondered why you didn't just room with Tsu- the other girl. Leave me with my best bro," that added a little life to his second laugh. "Honestly, at the time, I didn't care. I just wanted to sleep. That whole fight was exhausting and I was totally done arguing with you that day."

"It was the morning after that really hit me. I woke up to your face and, well, _shit_. How do I describe it? Say I use that stupid stereotypical bullshit for a second: you looked like a fucking angel, even if you were snoring." He broke off into chuckles that easily drifted into a contented sigh. "You made it worse when you woke up and got all self-conscious, giving me that regular line of ' _what are you looking at?'_ and while I told you that you had drool on your face what would you have done if I told you the truth? I was used to seeing you be badass and for just a second all you were was vulnerable and all of that together was fucking beautiful. I guess I learned at that point that I liked every piece of you."

He pressed to his chest to try to soothe the run of his heart. "You should know that is what I think every time now. It's every last piece of you that I need, I want, I like, I… Do you know how badly I wanted to risk wrapping my arms around you last night? You were so close that I _know_ I was breathing on your neck because, _fuck_ , there were goosebumps on your skin. Why were those there? Did you like that? Was it just fucking weird and you lived with it because it's me, and _I'm_ weird? It's shit like that… I feel like I can barely control myself."

"Because I'll start with holding you and maybe that'll be OK, not breaking any rules, just like the hand holding or when I put an arm around your shoulder, but then…" There was a frantic quality to his voice now, that fright that he usually kept buried so deeply behind the mask taking hold. "Kissing you is going to be wrong, _touching_ you-" The groan from his lips was quick and the curses came even more swiftly. "Oh, fuck, fuck me. I can't even fucking think about it." It looked less like him turning off the recording and more like throwing the phone.

* * *

_**Jealouspossession:** I appreciate just the boxers this time. Perfect view when you pitched a tent at the end._

_**Drearywriter:** that's some serious feelings when you get turned on just from thinking about kissing her._

_**Mildmedium:** drearywriter probably a virgin, first love. it's so fucking hot. he's such a tease tho. do something about it next time instead of turning off the camera._

_**Adoringbebe:** anyone else getting the feeling like this girl doesn't exist?_

_**Pitifulmail:** don't get so upset with yourself for not being able to control your body. you feel what you feel, it's not embarrassing._

* * *

Maka had to scroll down to the comments on _video 4_ since the way it ended just seemed to confuse her. What she wasn't ready for were the euphemisms, the weird mix of teasing and sexual need. She closed the browser before the idea to corroborate their claims hit her mind. There had been a few mutually embarrassing occasions where Soul, well, to borrow that disgusting term _pitched a tent_ in Maka's presence but he was a teenage boy. They were living together. She explained it in the same way that he did her period and all that came along with that, by completely ignoring it. Bodily functions, that's what they were.

_And he had a bodily function when touching me crossed his mind._

This was probably one of the few places Maka would admit that girls had it a thousand times easier. Being turned on came with that tingle, the undulation under your stomach, but the entirety of it was completely unseen. That time in the bed, with his breath against her neck, the goosebumps were the only sign of it but between her legs… that was totally something she wouldn't want to be exhibited in a video and while she didn't exactly think he needed to be angry at himself she was completely relieved that it ended there.

Because he could have touched himself, right? He would be allowed to. He was in the privacy of his room. Who knows if she was home or not but even then, it's a closed door and she would never enter his room without knocking so… _But it would be to the thought of me._ _Does that matter?_ Maka rolled over and pressed her face into the pillow to catch something that was between a sigh and a groan. _If he thinks kissing me is wrong, touching me is wrong, then wouldn't that be, too? At least to him…_

Maka tried to slip into his shoes, first letting her mind drift back to that night that he was so close, apparently yearning to touch her and all that easily brought her body back to the same place. Next, it was to create a memory that wasn't entirely alien in her daydreams, the way his lips would feel if she just rolled over and used her courage like she should. She always imagined him gentle because even knowing that he was needy, that he worried about losing control, Maka always had that faith in him to stay in check. If he could keep the madness at bay she could easily imagine him keeping his lust restrained.

Just the idea of it, even the chastest of kisses tightened that knot and Maka started the dissection of consent. _Am I stealing it from him if I…?_ She squeezed a hand between her and the bed, letting her fingers just rest between her legs. Tilting her hips released the weight on her wrist but encouraged a dangerous brush of her fingers and now Maka was beyond the video moment, aware that she was toeing a line. _But do I feel guilty like him? Do I feel like I shouldn't, can't do this with him on my mind?_

That answer was about as confusing as the end of the video.

* * *

The knock was almost so quiet that Soul didn't surface from sleep and was somewhere in the grey in between when he grumbled, "Yeah." There were really only two options for who it could be as his eyes finally focused on the clock reading 3 AM. When he turned his eyes back to the door it was Maka instead of an oddly polite robber and he pressed up on his elbows. "Something happen?"

"No," she murmured as her feet shuffled at the doorway.

Soul sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. "Then?"

"Can I sleep… in here?"

There was a small prayer of thanks in his mind for her not saying ' _with you'_ because that just touched a little too close to a couple of dreams he'd had. _Fuck you, don't think of those as she's climbing into bed or you're in fucking trouble because now it's a fight for control._ "Yeah."

He realized her pillow was already in her arms, albeit shoved behind her back as if to hide her intent. That meant in a second she was sliding in next to him, positioning her pillow next to his. There wasn't a wink of sleep in her eyes and it was draining the last from his. _Something's off, for the past week since that stupid fight with Black Star something's been off with her and I wish she'd just tell me._ He settled his head back on the pillow, turning to face her. "Can't sleep?"

"No," her voice was soft while her eyes bore into him, eyebrows furrowing in the darkness.

"What?" Soul rubbed his hand over his face again. "If I have drool or something on my face it's not my fucking fault, I _was_ asleep."

She didn't laugh at his joke and there wasn't even a glimmer of humor in her eyes. "Can I ask you something?"

"Depends."

"On?"

"Well, it's 3 AM and Ms. Perfect Attendance gets me up in three hours and I'd really like to sleep for at least half of that, so how long is this going to take?" He offered her a smirk but all of it fell flat, leaving a chill creeping in his gut.

"Just one question," she replied without an ounce of playfulness, not even biting at his usual name-calling.

His eyebrows matched hers. "As long as I get one after."

Maka sighed helplessly, "I thought you wanted to sleep."

"Take the deal or leave it," Soul grumbled back.

"If, in my head, I thought about you killing Spirit-"

Soul interrupted her with a string of chuckles. "What the hell kind of question is this?"

"Just listen," she urged. "I daydream that you kill Spirit. That's something you're not supposed to do, that you would probably not do on your own, but it's all in my mind. So it's innocent, right? It doesn't hurt you and I shouldn't feel guilty about doing it."

There was no amount of blinking that could help him process that and Soul eased back on his elbow so he could emphatically squint at her without the hindrance of the pillow. "Maka, seriously, what the hell?"

"I can't make it clearer," she huffed. "Think, Soul."

"Well, I want to blame it on being in a deep sleep but this just makes no sense."

"Fine," she snapped. "What if in your head, your imagination, you made me kiss Kid."

His head jolted like it would with a slap to the face. "Why the hell would I do that?"

"I don't know," she hissed. "Just play along."

"I don't want you to kiss Kid." It sounded like a harmless complaint, the same tone as he took on weekend mornings when she tried to wake him up too early but even in the moonlight she could see his face light up.

"I'm not saying you do," she sighed even though a little bubble of euphoria popped in her chest. "Just hypothetically, _if_ you forced dream me to kiss dream Kid, are you hurting real me and real Kid? Would you feel bad about thinking that?"

"I don't-" _Want you to kiss fucking Kid,_ he barely cut off the strained cry that was bordering on a yell. "Just what the hell is going on with you? Weird late-night questions, crying and screaming in your pillow, spending a hell of a lot more time in your room, alone. Ditching me for dinner more than once and-"

"Just give me an answer, Soul," she groaned out as she rolled onto her back, just stopping from pumping her legs in defeat.

His frustration matched hers as it rumbled up in his chest. "What I make you do in my head-" The parallel hit him in the gut and the words crumbled on his tongue like sand. _Like kiss me, or touch me, or those goddamn dreams that I can't do shit about where we're undressed and…_ "I feel like that hurts you if it's something that I think you wouldn't want to do, _like kiss Kid._ "

"Why?" Maka was gripping onto every word and he swallowed the shock of her hand gripping into the front of his shirt.

"Because it's like I'm using you," Soul shrugged. "Like if I imagined _you_ killing Spirit. I'd feel bad about that because I'm using you to get rid of that creep so I feel better in my head."

"So if it feels good to you but might feel bad to me you shouldn't do it?" Maka offered this conclusion like it was obvious but Soul still found his forehead crinkling further.

"I guess," he huffed.

"What if you knew it was something real me would do?" Maka tried again and her fingers tightened in his shirt. "Like if real Liz told you I wanted to kiss Kid?"

Soul tried to rein it in but the rage was busting from his gut as the picture flashed over his mind again. "Could we _please_ stop using that example?"

Maka's lip quivered but the words came out oddly even. "Who do you want me to kiss?"

 _Me, oh, death, please, me_ , his mind begged as his gut clenched. _And am I making it up that her hand's tugging me a little closer? That there's a look in her eyes that I don't think I've seen before?_ "That's your business, not mine," he barely got the words to eke off his tongue. For his own sanity, he grabbed the hand at his chest and tried in vain to untangle her fingers. "Will you answer my damn question now? What's going on with you?"

After enough of a fight, her fingers fell away, her hand dropping uselessly to her chest. "I wish you'd talk to me."

The fury was back and a growl bubbled up from his throat, "Damn it, Maka, I answered your strange question already. As far as I'm concerned it's wrong. And if you're not going to honor the fucking deal we might as well just go to bed." In a huff, he threw his back into the mattress before turning on his side, purposefully keeping himself from seeing any look that could be on her face.

There were silence and stillness and all he could hear was his own thundering heart until the bed creaked. Soul was sure she was getting up, leaving in a probably well-deserved huff but his heart hit a high note as her arm wrapped around his waist. It wasn't just stationary either, not an easy lounge over his hip but snaking up so her open palm could record each cacophonous beat.

"What I meant was…" she whispered and it was a concert in his ear because she was close enough that he felt the exhale. "I feel like I tell you _everything_ and you support me through it all even if I'm just being an idiot and I'm not making sense, but… you don't _let_ me do that for you. And that… I think it's one of the saddest feelings I've ever had. And see? I'm doing it again. Now you know exactly how I'm feeling but-"

"It hurts me, too," he croaked.

"What?"

"Not being able to tell you," his voice was trembling and his breathing was anything but steady. "It makes me sad, too, but that's not your fault, so let it go."

"Soul-"

"It isn't," he urged again. "It's not your fault. It's me. So, just… don't let it get you all worked up." His fingers were shaking as they planted on top of hers and while he instantly wanted to take them away, she captured them, intertwining his with hers and leaving him helpless. "Just let me be here for you and don't worry about the rest." He was lucky her arm only pulled tighter because there was so little control left in him.


	4. Toeing a Line

Neither of them really slept but Ms. Perfect Attendance did shake him at 6 AM, no alarm necessary since she had been watching each tick of the clock over his shoulder. That was when he finally relaxed his hand, slipping out from between her fingers and then her arm. "I'm going to shower," he mumbled.

Maka let that go without an answer, just watching him rise from the bed and stretch before starting for the door. Every argument that she had produced over the last three hours hinged on telling the horrible truth: she was spying on him. Even though she had warned herself continuously with each video, Maka had still painted herself into the terrible corner of losing him one way or another. _Because if I tell him that what I've done he'll be so angry, so hurt, that there's no way we'll be able to fix it and if I don't tell him… this. A giant wall between us because of something about him that I'm just supposed to let go._

That produced a sickly groan accompanied by another childish kick of her legs. So while she was supposed to be up, starting the coffee, getting dressed, holding onto her title, Maka was simply laying there, one eye staring over the curve of the pillow. She was frozen there, cycling between the idea of more tears or letting some kind of impotent anger take over. Neither seemed to fit and she had no clear decision when he came back to the room. Soul tucked the towel tighter around his waist and hovered in the doorway. "Maka…"

Out of the corner of her eye, she could still get the complete details of his body, the lean muscle that he worked hard to keep chiseled even if he did eat everything in sight. _I do look at you and if I weren't so… whatever right now I think I would be turned on._ "What?" she murmured.

He had to take a break to swallow before producing something that was even close to annoyance. "Kind of hard to get dressed with you in here."

Maka sighed as she simply turned her head away from him and pulled the covers over her.

"Seriously?" he practically choked on the word.

"I can't see anything," she muttered from under the billowing fabric.

A perilously long sigh came from his lips and she heard him go back to shuffling around the room, the sound of drawers opening and closing telling her he gave in. He was quicker than usual and when his footsteps stopped there was another production of trembling air from his lips. In a second those feet were stationed next to her as he crouched down to the bed's height and pulled the sheet from her face. "What are you doing?"

She tried to produce the words without inflection, her lips refusing a frown, "I'm not going."

His lower lip crinkled as he settled lower on his haunches. "Maka…"

"I'm sick," she answered quickly and turned her head just in time to hide the way the liquid skewed her vision.

Soul let his head fall, the mattress leaving him without a satisfying _thunk_. Another one of those urges hit him, to grab onto her and pull her out, force her into his arms even though that didn't feel any less wrong than what was going on at that moment. "Fine," he declared to the floor as he catapulted to his feet. "Do you want breakfast?"

"No." She just barely kept the sob from hiccuping at the end, saved by pressing her face back into the pillow.

"I'll leave you some coffee," he muttered as he started for the door. Soul made it to the frame, his hand catching it and gripping tightly. There was no other explanation, the way her shoulders were trembling and she hadn't come up for air from the pillow. _She's crying. She's goddamn crying and what else can it be but my fucking fault? I'm a jackass, an idiot, I'm… I'm not worth the fucking tears, Maka._

Maka listened to him move around the apartment before she turned her head, letting the tears hit the air instead of the fabric. There weren't any desperate sobs, just a slow leak that she knew she couldn't turn off. It only got worse when she heard the front door close and she let the first mewling mournful cry. She let a few more of those wrack her entire body before she pulled up on her elbows, staring at the smears on the pillow.

 _Make a decision, Maka._ She forcefully cleared the tears from her face. _Can you stay like this or are you going to tell him the truth? It's a slow death or a quick one, so what are you going to do?_ "I don't know," she warbled in reply.

It took a while to motivate her out of bed, wearing her tears down to nothing but sniffles before she made it across the hall. She picked up her phone and instantly the urge to call him hit her, the need to hear his voice and to feel like he wasn't so far away. Instead, she flopped on her bed, cleared her schedule, and slated the rest of the morning for _video 5_ through _video 10_.

Each one brought back tears since his last encounter with the physical had seemed to drive him away from getting anywhere close to that again, so he stuck with the sometimes partner of want: love. It's not like he used the word, not once at all as far as Maka could tell, but each was an examination of his devotion to her.

 _Video 5_ : "I started the bookworm thing because I had to annoy you to get you to come up for air. Do you know how many times you were just _lost_ for _hours_ in a book? Seriously, you could spend a whole Sunday gone, leaving me to only deal with the chatter in my own head which sucks in comparison to you. I always wanted to hear you."

 _Video 6_ : "The way you got to Cr- that kid you saved? Hell, I wasn't surprised. You do that. It's just one of your gifts. But I have to admit… I guess I was a little jealous at first. Fuck, not at first, forever. I'll always be jealous. I felt just as broken, just as lonely and I used to think that maybe you… loved them in a way that you couldn't feel about me."

 _Video 7_ : "Oh, that fucking basketball game. The way you were so confused! And your dad literally _puked_ because he was so excited to go shopping with you. I felt like that was ridiculous - being so happy you'd puke over something but… if I could just get you to say there was a chance for a meister and weapon to fall in love, and not even that you felt that way about me but just that you thought it could happen, I'd fucking puke."

 _Video 8_ : "I always feel powerless in a fight when I can't protect you. I know that sounds obvious, and I'm definitely not saying you're some kind of weakling that needs it but… is it stupid to say it feels like fate? Like I was actually picked to do this. You think about my family and how none of them have the talent and I just happened to come here and you just happened to like my song and… maybe I was made for you, you know? Oh, fuck, that is stupid, isn't it?"

 _Video 9:_ "Your soul is one in fifty million. I don't doubt it. Everything about what you are is different. I've never met anyone like you, ever, and I haven't since. I think… maybe that's why I'm so scared to lose you. There's no one who's going to come after you who can fill your place. You leave me and I'll be walking around with an empty, gaping fucking wound for the rest of my life. Whatever that life would be like."

 _Video 10:_ "Once, you wanted me to call you an angel, right? I fucked it up because, well, you're also a pain in the ass. Hard to think of you with a halo when I get a book cracked to my skull at least once a week. I tried to think of you as something else with wings, like maybe a bird. You're free like that, still beautiful in your own way but you'll shit on something if you hate it. I wonder what kind of bird you'd want to be. Ah, fuck it, that's weird. You know, if you wanted me to call you that now, I would. I would in a second. Not just to make you happy, but because… everything about you is a blessing."

Maybe she watched them a few more times through. Maybe she cried until it felt like her eyelids had sand in them. Maybe she was hoping that he cared about her just enough to forgive her.

* * *

The day was agony but it's not as if another soul noticed it. Black Star did make a fleeting comment that Soul was quieter than usual, but Liz had immediately pointed out it was because Maka wasn't around to spur him on like she usually did. That had ripped his heart out through his guts again for sure, which was becoming an every-fifteen-minute feeling because his mind was jumping on every opportunity to flashback to her not so hidden tears this morning.

 _And what the hell am I supposed to do? I tell her what she wants and that'll be worse than tears. Throw in anger and hatred and I can kiss this whole fucking partnership goodbye. I just… I have to get this the fuck out of my system._ Easier said than done as the day trudged forward, reminding him at every turn that he was missing his other half. He let it slowly eke on though, torture that he deserved and even punished himself by staying later than usual by channeling Maka and signing up for some bitch-work for Stein.

When he did get home it was just about dinner time and he was already toying with what he'd offer to get her. He imagined he'd find her exactly where he left her but at least hopefully with no new tears. _I swear if she cries when she sees me_ … He heaved a sigh as he opened the door to the melodious clinking of plates in the kitchen.

"You're late," she hollered over the background noise.

"Sorry," he practically stammered back as he slipped off his shoes and walked bewildered to the kitchen. "Stein had me stay late."

"Something interesting?" Maka tossed over her shoulder as she started opening the lids on the pots.

"Nah, stupid shit." Soul edged closer to her, invading her space but forgetting to care as he checked her face for fresh tears. _Nothing_. "He said he wants to see you when you're feeling better."

"Of course." Maka heaved a sigh as if that would be Stein's expected reaction for his star pupil staying home.

"Are you?"

"Am I what?"

It was an internal fight he was losing as he leaned even closer, his chest practically against her back now, so close that he could feel the heat radiating off her. "Feeling better?"

Maka turned her head and they were practically nose to nose but she didn't balk, praying that there was only a thin pink line across her cheeks as she stared into his eyes. "Sort of."

The sigh from him brushed across her face before he launched back. "How much time until dinner?"

"Who says I'm cooking for you?" She shot back smugly before turning off the burners one by one.

"You better be, you _owe_ me. Four dinners in a row, Maka," he griped as he held up his fingers to prove it. "Not to mention I bet you messed up my bed."

Maka dared to stick her tongue out at him. "I made it, so there."

"Which means it's totally ruined," he cracked a smirk, letting the relief settle in his stomach. _This I can do. This part of us I can manage, I need._

She rolled her eyes with a huff before grabbing a plate for him and prodding it to his chest. "Just eat, OK?"

"Will do." He piled his plate high and left practically cradling his quarry, that glow starting to settle in him that this was somewhere back on the spectrum of normal. Maka seemed only a minute behind him, her plate just as filled as she plunked it down next to him on the coffee table. She knelt in front of the DVD selection as she absently reached to hit the button on the TV. "Don't pick anything that sucks," he grumbled through a mouthful.

"You want a modern romance or a period piece?" she chimed over her shoulder.

"Sucks," he groaned out the vowel followed by a myriad of _boos_ that made throaty giggles drift out of her mouth.

"Fine." She twisted to plant herself on the other side of the table before she blinked at him pleasantly. "Then talk to me about today."

He rushed to clear his mouth of food. "Talk?"

"Yeah, other than Stein, how was today?" She leaned on her elbow but her eyes were intent on him, just barely nudging her fork with her pointer.

Soul bought time with another heaping forkful, chewing slowly and deliberately as he waited to see if she'd break eye contact. Maka was completely steady and he felt that chill crawl into his gut. _Giving her the truth doesn't have to be that truth, right? Or is it so fucking close that I'm risking…?_ A few more seconds staring at those glowing green eyes had him faltering, easily losing the fight to the only woman who could dissolve his will completely. "It sucked, Maka, OK?"

"Why?"

He made an effort to completely answer that with a wave of his hand towards her, but her lips started to press into a frown and he groaned. "You not being around is weird. I don't like it. You and me, we have a pattern, a _thing_ and… well, I was worried, too," the last part trailed off almost to silence and he stabbed his fork into the plate in hopes of overwhelming it.

"We have a _thing_ ," Maka nodded with a breathy laugh.

"Well, yeah," he had no strength to go beyond that and threw all his effort into making the roll of his shoulders look casual.

She shoveled one forkful in her mouth before turning back to the DVDs, picking one out, and popping it in the player. To his relief, it wasn't either choice she promised, just an innocuous action flick that he could probably quote word for word. Even better, she scooted around to his side of the table, sitting so close that her leg was digging into his. It didn't hurt, but his heart did.

It didn't get better as they finished eating and her head plunked onto his shoulder. That pain settled in to stay as he wrapped an arm around her shoulder and there wasn't a second of change from her. No hitched breath, no surprise, no stiffening, just sinking into him as one of those perfect, delicate hands wrapped into his shirt. The movie wasn't what he was watching anymore. These were the worst kind of nights.

The movie ended and he moved swiftly to clean up the plates, waving her off when she tried to help. He disappeared into the kitchen and cleaned up every last bit of her mess, even washing down the countertops because he needed more time away from her. All of it was torture and maybe he was at the end of his rope, ready to give her what she wanted if it just meant he didn't have to feel this way anymore. Then the loneliness sucked him back into place and shut the lid.

Or it did until he walked back into the living room, finding her passed out on the couch. Soul sighed, instantly feeling the long night last night catching up with him too. He still mustered up the strength, slipped his arms underneath her and lifted, watching as her head lulled against his chest. Maka's eyelids only fluttered for a moment, the motion not enough to bring her out of her sleep but her hand still found its way to his chest, clutching back into his shirt for dear life.

Soul carried Maka to her bed and eased her down on the comforter. He shimmied it out from underneath her and pulled it up to her chin. His hands should have slipped away then but they didn't. Instead, he planted them in the pillow on each side of her head, being thoroughly careful not to catch her hair. Every last corner of his mind was screaming but he leaned a little closer, examining the finer details of her face before letting his eyes fall on her lips. They were perfect, not a dry patch in sight and still rounded in that slight pout that eternally graced them.

He let out a weak breath and just as he was forcing his hands up her fingers wrapped around his wrists. Maka's eyes just opened, still flecked with sleep. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," he stammered as he tried to pull back but her grip was ridiculous for someone who had just been dead asleep.

"Stay with me," she murmured before letting go, leaving him with the challenge entirely on his plate.

"I… just go back to sleep, Maka." Soul was wheezing as he turned away, his hands already desperately coming to his hair to pull it away from his face. The pain at his roots was nothing compared to the knot that was screaming in his chest. He was frantic to close the door between them and he braced it with his back, waiting for the sounds of her footsteps or the pounding hand that he expected. Instead, it was silent and without her, all he could feel was the rage building.


	5. Fixing What Broke

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm really interested in the examination of consent I set up in this fic. If you have opinions about that, and especially if you have problems with that, especially after this chapter, please PM me. I'm totally up for a discussion about it.

Maka had slipped back into a useless, thin sleep for a few hours. She woke up in the pitch black and stumbled into the hallway and down to the bathroom. She'd been so tired that brushing her teeth hadn't seemed important before but now the need for a normalizing routine was the only thing that could keep her from thinking about how close he'd been when she opened her eyes. How scared he looked when he pulled away from her. The bathroom had that residual steamy feel and she wondered if he was still awake, had maybe just gone to sleep after taking a shower in an attempt to lull himself back to calm.

He did that, always showering after missions or other tough encounters as if that washed away all the tension built up. This was another desperate moment that she wished he could clarify. _What about putting me to bed was so terrifying? What were you about to do, even though I'm almost sure I can guess?_ That left her pausing in the hallway, her hand hovering to knock on his door. The only thing that stopped her was the desperate fear that he wouldn't let her in.

Instead, she went back to her bed, picked up her phone, and uncomfortably settled on the words she knew would at least give her a modicum of surety. While _1lonelysoul's_ page was loading and as she was deciding between _video 9_ or _10,_ the strange discombobulation of finding her list out of order, seeing _video 11_ hit her. Maka checked the timestamp and sure enough, it was under an hour old, the thumbnail offering her almost too much darkness to see him in it. _Remember, curiosity killed the cat…_ her mind muttered as her finger hovered between it and _video 10._ _But how badly do you want your explanation?_ She clicked on _11._

Soul was sitting up closer to the camera because with one headphone in he couldn't lay back. He was pressing the microphone close to his lips, leaving Maka feeling like he was whispering right in her ear. "I almost stole a kiss from you tonight." The breathiness of it made Maka tremble and that fire ignited just below her belly, forcing her heart to thunder. "And that's not where I would have stopped, either." That bordered on a threat, some strange kind of anger drifting somewhere in the background but Maka was too preoccupied with the heat.

"It wouldn't have been your hands on my wrists but the other way around. I'd hold you down on that bed and taste every last fucking inch of your mouth because that's what I was looking at, studying while you slept, not knowing a fucking thing. I'd bite that bottom lip until that half pout you wear all the time was full." Maka was trying to catch her breath almost in unison with him. It was strange to hear him pant in her ear and as her eyes fluttered over the image as he paused she realized why. His hand was slowly stroking along one of the legs of his boxers.

Her eyes couldn't leave the motion even as he continued. "Since it's in my fucking imagination you're not telling me ' _no,'_ you're not putting on the brakes and I wouldn't. I fucking can't. Because I want to know what it feels like to touch your skin. I want to snake a hand under that nightshirt and have you moan because my calloused hands, the ones that work from the piano to the battlefield, light you on fire." The movement was quicker, needier and the panting was joined by short, pained grunts. "I want my dreams, the ones where you undress me and it's not a second of feeling sorry for me, of regret or any of that shit, just wanting me just as much as I want you."

His hand stopped with a strange, truncated gasp that hit Maka as such a painful juxtaposition to his words. Soul's lip trembled in the frame, a mournful wrinkle starting just below it. "So, see? I'm just fucking disgusting. I'm everything you fucking hate because I'm just like your dad and every other guy out there. I can talk for hours about how much I feel about you, but in the end, I can't stop myself from wanting. I'm fucking pathetic. And maybe I'm just… I should just show you it. Maka, it's Soul, and when I get the fucking guts to send you this, I hope you know how fucking sorry I am."

* * *

 _ **Drearywriter:**_ _I'm so fucking confused… does he think he's disgusting just because he wants to fuck her? Is she some kind of prude?_

 _ **Mildmedium:**_ _that was so fucking hot. all that teasing build-up was worth it. even with the self-loathing at the end._

 _ **Adoringbebe:**_ _drearywriter and it's not even more than some vanilla, missionary style shit._

 _ **Pitifulmail:**_ _I'm hoping that whoever this girl is, she'd disagree with you. You seem to really love her, and I'm not sure wanting her in that way ruins that. I really hope you two talk this out. Maybe don't show her this video, but…_

* * *

Soul had locked his door. Maka had no conceivable memory for the last time he had actually done that if ever at all. Her knocking only brought assurances he was alive, but solid refusals to leave. Her only choice was to switch places from yesterday and brave DWMA without him. This didn't feel like part of her plan but if Maka was being entirely honest with herself, there wasn't a damn plan anymore.

Every step towards school made her want to turn back. Every buzz of her phone made her jump to think it was him, texting the address for the uploaded video that would send them both spiraling into ruin. The right option should have been refusing to leave, kicking down the door if she had to because there was no hope if he jumped first, but _11_ had left her so… jumbled. Just like him on the screen, Maka was a tangle of want, guilt, confusion, and maybe a healthy dose of terror.

The whisper in her ear, the scenario he played out had been, on its own, electrifying. If she just dissected the words from the moment, it was exactly what she wanted from him.

How much she was to blame was probably tipped in a rather biased way, but she couldn't help but feel like there was something in the way she acted, the things she said to him, that drove him there. That tipped him into feeling like his want was something sick and unnatural.

Now the decision in front of her felt like anything but.

Maka being Maka, she put on a good show. Smiled through the day. Laughed off Soul's absence as an 'oops, he caught my 24-hour bug' and went about her business. It wasn't until she actually found Stein that it seemed to turn on its head.

He simply took one look at her, that one where he barely lifted his pale green eyes from his work and released emphatically, "Go home, Maka."

"What?" She made all attempts to sound amiable and produced as much shock as she could manage.

"I can't decide who's more unwell, you today or Soul yesterday. Go home." He settled back in his chair but didn't offer her another glance. "Fix whatever you both broke."

 _Fix whatever you both broke,_ Maka forced as a chant in her mind for the entire trip back which felt like both an eternity and a second all rolled into one. When she opened the door to the apartment there was still silence and she fought to get her boots off at the door. In stocking feet she started the unsteady but hard steps down the hallway, only to force herself to a stop as she passed the living room.

Soul was sitting on the couch, and while his face screamed no sleep and his eyes pleaded don't leave me, the rest of him was dressed and ready for the door. As she paused, eyes wide at the sight of him, he stood and hit the send button on his phone. A second passed and her phone buzzed in her pocket. "I sent you something. I want you to watch it. You can… text me after if you want."

Every last inch of her was fragile and frozen and it wasn't until he reached her, almost out of her grasp, that she sprung to life. Maka grabbed his wrist, barely stopping his momentum but not earning his eyes that he kept steady on the door. "I know about the videos." _Oh, Death, every last inch of him, every piece of his soul is like… like needles._

"Let go of me." It was supposed to be an order but couldn't be more than a whimper as he took another step.

"I've known about them since the fight with Black Star."

"Let go of me," he repeated with no more strength than the last time.

"I watched all of them even though I know I shouldn't have."

As if he'd leeched the strength that should have been in the other words a low, feral cry came from him, something that reverberated down to his spiky soul as he ripped his wrist out of her grasp. He was out the front door before she could form another sentence. The absolute terror kept her still until she forced air back into her lungs and her legs shot her into a sprint. The hallway was empty and as soon as she hit the stairwell she could hear the exit door at the bottom clacking shut. Traction was impossible since in the mayhem she'd forgotten the need for shoes and she just narrowly avoided tumbling down the stairs, bracing the concrete wall last minute to save her but tearing up her hands in the process.

The sting didn't matter. Neither did the chill as her practically bare feet hit the pavement. He wasn't running but his steps were definitely decided and he didn't slow as she started to shout, "Soul, stop!"

His shoulders hunched tightly, not giving in to her command.

"Soul!" She tried to make it more of an order as she caught up to him and attempted to skid in front, blocking his path.

He used her momentum, grabbing her by the shirt and pushing her into an alleyway and against the wall. His cheeks were already stained and his teeth were clenched into a horrible sneer. "Do you _not_ understand what I did? You said you watched them so you saw it! Get it through your head, Maka. I thought about _fucking_ you while I-"

"I know what you did," Maka shouted and the horrible curl to his mouth started to tremble. "I just can't figure out why you hate yourself so much for it," she finished in a whisper.

Another wash of tears hit his cheeks before he pushed the words between his teeth, "Because I want-"

Maka forced her voice over the rest, "Please come back to the apartment. _Please_. I just want to talk." She made fists through the sting in her palms as she rubbed her knuckles into his chest. "I did a terrible job…" she hiccuped in air as she tried to press back the want to sob. "I did a terrible job of the whole thing, Soul. I'm so sorry. I should have told you. I should have stopped after the first one and _talked_ to you but I… I wanted to know," she pleaded. "I know that's selfish, but I just… the end of that first video, the way you were _so hurt_ , I wanted to know that. I wanted to help you through that."

The silence was agony but eventually, he sucked in air through his teeth. "The bad thought that day in the kitchen?" Soul offered helplessly as his hands loosened their grip on her shirt.

Maka nodded slowly.

Both exhaled shakily and while Soul took a step back to let his hands fall uselessly at his sides he instantly tottered back forward, his hand grabbing her wrist. "You're bleeding." Suddenly Maka could breathe because while Soul was still crying silently, his soul was easing back to his same usual message, that bubble of protection. "And you're not fucking wearing any shoes," his sigh was almost exasperated. "It's fucking cold out here, Maka."

"You didn't exactly give me time to put them on," Maka muttered.

Soul was unfurling her fists, checking the scrapes on her palms that were offering pinpricks of blood. "How the fuck…" but he trailed off with a sigh and started to turn away from her. "Come on, get on." He motioned towards his back.

' _It's not even a block'_ would have been the normal response but her need for him instantly shirked it, the idea that he would let her touch him enough to urge her into the position. Soul hefted her onto his back and Maka wrapped her arms tightly around his neck.

"You're choking me." _In more ways than one,_ Soul finished. He still wanted to run, to be as far away as possible but the idea that she would beg him to _come back_ instead of going away was digging into his heart. _Maybe she just wants to murder me in the privacy of our own home._

"If you run again, I really will," Maka muttered as she rested her head on his shoulder and he started walking. It already felt exhausting, and all she wanted was to stay curled into him like this, but the reality was that this was nowhere near done, nowhere near explained. The only thing she'd won was him not running _now_.

"I…" his voice started as a croak and withered into a sigh before he could try again, "I guess I'm trapped." Maybe he slowed his steps on purpose, not just because she was an added weight but because his mind was still feeding him the idea that this would be the last moment of closeness he'd ever have with her. There was no explanation in the entire world that could fix what he'd done, to make it right, and Maka in her infinite comforting nature was just going to let him down easy.

Soul only dropped her when they got to the door, which both of them had left open in the fury, and immediately went to work getting the first aid kit. It was the only thing at the moment that could calm his mind, and as she sat on the couch he dropped next to her, splaying out the medical goods on the table.

"I need you to just listen." Soul could see the shift in her, the meister Maka coming through and making orders. "Just listen to me because I… I owe you an explanation of my own since you've technically said so much to me over the past week."

With what felt like a mouth full of sand, Soul could only nod in reply as his hands worked to clean hers.

"I'm not a prude," Maka finished that with a trickling laugh. "But searching that porn site? It was weird, difficult, and I just found myself flicking through page after page. That's when I kind of decided to do a search because… well, I put your name in the search bar."

His eyes only had the strength to flick to her face for a second but he caught the start of a smile and as he shot them back to her hands his mind started to race. She could feel it, he was sure, because she left a pause there, giving him time to rein it in and listen again.

"Again, I went page after page because none of that was what I wanted, and then I saw the name and, honestly, it was _just_ chance, it was _just_ a whim and I forced myself to click on the first video without it even loading." Maka made a little grunt as he wiped the antiseptic over her palms but she held onto her smile. "And I'm embarrassed to say I didn't recognize your voice at first. It wasn't until I saw your hand in the frame."

"My hand?" came the incredulous whisper.

"Yeah," Maka took a second to laugh at her own expense before pausing his work to turn his hand over. Her finger ran a delicate line across a scar near his thumb. "I remember every time you've gotten hurt. I… I can close my eyes and give you a list of each scar."

Everything was frozen except for his lips, "Same. For you, that is."

That fed her smile a little more, adding to the surety of her next words. "So I felt terrible. I stumbled across something that I knew I shouldn't have but… it felt nice to hear what you were feeling, to be let in even if maybe you didn't know it. That's why I ran to you, needed to hug you because for a second I felt so close and I honestly needed you to know that I couldn't hate you."

"But…" he sighed and stole one hand back to cover his face, a new wave of tears threatening.

"Can you…" Her voice cracked and she had to gulp air before reaching for the hand to pry it away from him, just the smallest gesture to encourage him not to hide. "No, I told you I'd talk, so, I'm going to guess and you can tell me after if I'm right because I think… I know you, Soul. I think I can say that even without the videos: that you and I _know_ each other, and I think sometimes we might get each other better than we get ourselves."

"That's confusing," he muttered. Soul let her tear his hand away and he put it to work bandaging up her palms.

Maka rolled her shoulders only for herself. "Maybe it is… but I know I challenged you that first day, if _you_ thought I was a prude and you thankfully kept your mouth shut."

He snorted a weak laugh, "You would have killed me no matter what I said."

"See? You know me," she mirrored his chuckle before continuing. "But I think… I think you do. I think, just like Black Star, you assume I don't want or understand the physical side."

"Maka-"

"No, that's OK," she squeezed his working hands for a second regardless of the sting. "I don't think I gave you a reason to think otherwise. The only reaction to that kind of stuff you've seen from me is the way that I act about Papa flirting with girls, and that's always with a through-the-roof level of disgust." Maka let out a withering sigh. "And to me, that _is_ disgusting, but not for the reason you're thinking."

Soul risked another glance but couldn't get away, this time her green eyes boring into him, making him unable to look back at the work that was mostly finished in his hands.

"Papa doesn't _love_ any of those girls," Maka tried to dismiss the rest of that feeling with another shrug. "That kind of… sex is just that. It's lust and I hate that, even if it does make me seem like a prude." She shook her head, trying to force those ideas out of her ears. "But if you were trying to make those videos to prove to me that you were just like him, like every other guy, you did a pretty bad job."

"What?" All the liquid in his eyes was sucked again by the confusion.

"Twice, just twice, you talked about the physical," Maka nibbled at her lip as she did the math. "That's two out of eleven and that's eighteen percent." Joy overwhelmed her momentarily as that elicited a real laugh from him. "So eighty-two percent of the time was you… just caring about me. And when I compare you to what I see as the regular teenage boy, like Black Star or maybe I should say Kilik since he's a little more _normal_ , that's a completely rare ratio. That's nowhere near anyone else and it's nowhere near disgusting."

Here Maka had to turn her head away, staring into a space that didn't include him because this was opening her own door again and the hinges were squeaking painfully in her heart. "And I know I watch and read all those stupid romances, but that doesn't mean I expect or _want_ a guy who just glances at me from across the room, who writes love letters, who buys flowers and makes some big romantic gestures to sweep me off my feet. What I want is someone who comforts me when I'm hurt," she felt the burn in her eyes but tried to hold it off, forcing the strength back into her voice. "Who encourages me when I don't feel like I can do it. Who can make me laugh, especially at myself. And the scariest part, the one that I guess I've been holding onto the most is that I want to believe I… that _we_ could do what my parents couldn't."

Soul's fingers tightened carefully around hers, trying to avoid the scrapes but also aching for some kind of hold on her. "Are you…?"

"Don't puke," she hiccuped a laugh through the sob that was threatening, "but I don't think it's impossible for a meister to really love her weapon and, well, I hope vice versa." She stole away one hand even though his grip made it almost impossible and she let it cover her face for a second, trying to drive away the tears. "I… put your name in the search bar because _you're_ the only person I've ever thought about like that. I've never wanted anyone else to kiss me, to touch me, to…" she shrugged weakly again, hitting her depth as her face flushed.

He didn't let her flounder because even though there was a match-strike of happiness starting to glow in his gut he wasn't about to puke. Soul was abandoning her hands instead so that he could grip her cheeks, coaxing her face back to him. "You mean that?"

"When's the last time that I lied to you just to make you feel better?" she murmured back breathlessly.

He grinned and his sigh turned into half a laugh. Soul waited just another minute, searching her face for a change, any ounce of dishonesty before he allowed what he usually never would, for his arms to wrap around her shoulders and pull her close. It was his hands searching for her now, clutching to her to try to quell that last inkling that she was getting away from him. "I'm sorry." He breathed the words out as he squeezed her, finding Maka pleasantly pliable and inching closer to melt into him.

"I don't want you to be." It was easy to breathe now especially as his hands moved without restraint to run up and down her back.

"For running," he clarified as one hand moved up to tempt at the edges of her hair. "I was sure that… I honestly still can't believe that the only reaction to that video wasn't to kick my ass or at least tell me you never wanted to see me again."

Maka's sigh was edging towards content as his hand drifted into her golden locks. "I can kick your ass if you really want me to."

"No, thanks," he offered back quickly followed by a breathy laugh. "I, uh," he paused to clear his throat. "That eighty-two percent, Maka…"

"Yes?" She had to prompt him since his fingers were sending her the message, the nervousness back in the way he grabbed at her instead of soft exploration.

"You know that's… I've always cared but that's… _well, fuck, I might as well just fucking risk everything today,_ " he muttered under his breath before sucking in air again. "I love you. Not just some lame ' _I think'_ or ' _maybe'_ either. That's what it is."

The happy hum that came from her mouth reverberated through the two of them and she could sense it shimmying right into his soul, settling him. "I'm maybe an even eighty."

"What happened to the two percent?"

Maka moved her well cared for palms to his chest, pressing the bandages there and forcing him to loosen his hold. The tears were gone from those ruby eyes that were now studying her, edging towards playful like this was any other night. "Because I'm guilty of thinking about this more." She didn't give him the time to offer a quip, just falling headfirst into the moment like she was apt to do. The way her lips latched to his echoed her claim since they were in no way hesitant.

Soul didn't follow the tried and true pattern of their life, mirroring her fervor and stealing the control from her. Maka happily gave it up and while Soul was giving her a small corner of what he promised by nibbling at her lower lip, she was pulling him closer, encouraging that shift in his weight. Pressing her into the couch was most certainly not where Soul had imagined he'd end up by this time and just as her head hit one of the throw pillows he pulled back, a shaky sigh leaving his lips. "Can we… _I can't believe I'm fucking asking this,_ " he quickly muttered again as he moved an unsteady hand to her hair, clearing it from her face. "Can we slow down?"

Even with all the courage, the reality hit her, and Maka's face lit up. "I mean, I wasn't-" She pressed her lips together for a second as her face sunk deeper towards tomato colored. "All we were doing was kissing."

Soul grunted out a laugh, "You noticed you dragged me on top of you, right?"

"Sort of," Maka murmured as her fingers worried at his shirt. "I like it."

"I like it, too," he chuckled. "But maybe just this for tonight, OK?" Soul ran a thumb down the line of her jaw. "I just still feel kind of… I don't know. Worried, maybe. Keep thinking I'm about to wake up from this and it'll all be gone."

"Then maybe…" Maka twisted as far into the seam of the couch as she could, easing him down nose to nose next to her. "Tell me. Talk to me and I'll do whatever else I can. Just maybe with a few kisses in between."


	6. Normal

Soul slept in a hazy limbo where his mind woke him every now and then to process reality again. _She's mine_ , was the first few answers, a little possessive but still feeling like the only right way to describe it. _She wants me_ , came a little later, towards the earlier morning hours that left him dizzy with enough grins and blushes to last him a week. _She doesn't hate me_ , finally soothed him into something close enough to sleep to get him to the alarm blaring.

From the smell of coffee filling the hallway and her door open, Soul could already guess that she was up and ready. His usual morning would consist of harassing her in the kitchen, threatening to lolly-gag just enough to get her close to him, her hands pushing him in this direction and that. Instead, he was rushing to be a _good boy_ , completing his hygiene in record time and only entering the kitchen fully dressed and ready for the day.

Maka did a double-take when he entered, her eyebrows narrowing as she blew over her coffee cup. "You're dressed."

"Don't sound so surprised," Soul produced a grumble as he hesitated between her and the coffeemaker. Normally, the first thought would be _personal space_ but she hadn't allowed him any of that last night. That brought a fresh heat and a stirring life to his chest. _I know what her lips feel like. I know what her body feels like pressed against mine._ He could almost swoon but he swallowed it, forcing as much cool as he could manage into his movements as he didn't hesitate to get close to reach around her for the coffee pot.

She'd left him a cup on the counter and while he'd poured coffee probably a million times without spilling this felt like it took every last ounce of mental concentration especially as mid-pour her hand came to his chest to play with the buttons of his shirt. Soul gulped, trying to hide it with a sudden clear of his throat. "You ready to go?" he tried to be nonchalant but he was fairly sure his voice was a little too squeaky today for that.

"Almost."

"Almost?" He turned his head to her just in time to catch how close she was but not enough to process it before her lips were on his. _The coffee tastes better on her lips_ , came irrationally to mind as she lingered there to let him receive and give back the kiss.

"I'm ready now," she murmured happily before tapping her fingers against his sternum in a pleasant little rhythm.

"I, uh," he stammered for a second, the heat on his cheeks frying away into his brain as he lost all hopes of a comeback. All he could do was stare into those beautiful green eyes though he should have known that would only make it worse. They were sparkling with that same old Maka confidence, reminding him that once she had her mind set to something it was a wrap. _And her mind's set on me, on us._ "Thanks." He winced at the lameness.

"Thanks?" she laughed softly as she grinned. "I'm not sure it's a ' _thank you'_ scenario, Soul."

His heart was thundering, a corner of shame and worry trying to eat up the beautiful moment. In a way, they were threatening to close that door, to shut his mouth again and force him to hide away from her, but for once he tried to focus on his first feeling, his first thought. _She's mine._ Even with trembling fingers, he ordered his hand forward, letting it rest against her cheek as a small wave of satisfaction came to him at the sight of the blush blossoming underneath his fingers. "Thanks for not letting it be a dream." This time he stole the kiss so that his next thought could only be, _And I'm hers._

* * *

Slowly coming to decisions and thinking in detail about choices was Soul's line of work, so when they got off the bike at school and his finger only gently hooked hers, Maka did what she did best and went for bold. She pulled that pointer and angled it around her, encouraging his hand to slip around her shoulder. At first, his hand awkwardly just planted on it, leaving a strange amount of space between the two of them. It was then that Soul paused their steps, his eyes looking over her face and catching nothing more than a grin on her lips. With a discombobulated sigh and a goofy smile that he was trying to rein into a cool smirk, Soul wrapped the arm tightly around her just to have to catch his breath as her arm hooked his waist.

And while they most certainly had never walked this way before, the shock at how natural it felt, how easily she tucked against him struck Maka with euphoric happiness that she clung to desperately as she waited for the faces. _I care, oh, I definitely do, but at the same time I don't. I can feel him, the same utter joy radiating off of him at the same time and it makes it feel like I can face anything - even Liz and Tsubaki._ That thought urged a laugh from her lips.

"Somethin' funny?"

Maka tilted her head up to catch a hesitant smile on his face and a healthy blush clinging to his cheeks. "I'm thinking how much trouble we're going to be in when we get in there."

"Trouble?" His fingers flexed against her skin as he let his hand drop an inch.

"Don't you dare think about dropping that arm," she threatened before squeezing at his waist.

Soul sighed, an even mix of anxiety and residual happiness. "If you think it's gonna cause trouble…"

"For a day," Maka shrugged under his hold. "But this is the new normal, right? You and me and… being close."

He leaned towards her ear, his voice dropping to a low, husky whisper, "We were always close."

That fed goosebumps on her arm as she was once again realizing that while he wasn't opening the door wide, hadn't flooded her with information the night before or even this morning, he was letting these little things eke through the permanently open crack. Even better, she could feel the rush of what he was going to say before he said it since his soul always announced it, this needy grip to hers that tightened right before the sentences left his mouth.

"I'm just glad you want them to know," he left as the last word before he stood back up as straight as he was going to get. Maybe there was more to say there, a little tremble in the edges of their connection but she let it go especially as he finally seemed to get some serenity in his smile. Though she was almost sure he'd eat those words especially as the first face to fall upon them was Black Star who, for once, was shocked into silence, his eyes flicking between the two of them.

"Hey," Soul nodded at Black Star, emitting a cool that left Maka on the border of laughing.

"What… the hell is going on?" His hand shot back and forth between the two of them.

"Just the new normal," Soul shrugged with that suave ease that sparked a blush on Maka's cheeks. The color blossomed deeper as he leaned closely again, letting his breath hit her earlobe. "Have fun at class, bookworm."

In reply, Maka tilted her cheek towards him, forcing his lips there before they could get away. It was a great way to leave him as flustered as he had just attempted to make her. She slipped out of his arm with pride crowing in her chest and Black Star following close on her heels.

* * *

Word at DWMA usually spread like ants at a picnic. Soul had an easy time exuding that chill attitude in the face of his best friend, since, honestly, Black Star had known for years about the Soul-Maka problem. How he kept his mouth shut about it for that long would forever remain a mystery, but Soul chalked it up to being a true sign of their friendship. The problem came at weapons class, those little pinpricks of paranoia raising the hair on the back of his neck. It felt impossible that it had somehow spread from just dropping her off and he had expected he'd be safe from them until at least lunchtime but the moment he took a look at the three he knew he was done for.

Tsubaki, Liz, and Patty were sitting in a tight little triangle, ears and lips so close that words passed in complete secrecy between the three. Soul tried to pay attention to Marie but every time he risked a glance in the trifecta's direction he received a glare so intense that he was sure he was naked in his seat. To make matters worse, of course, today was half lecture, half sparring, meaning he was only safe from their words for about fifteen more agonizing minutes. _And am I just being paranoid or does Marie look like she's giving me some extra looks today, too?_

As Marie announced the move to the mat, Soul withered for the first time that day. Did he fear announcing it? Not really, even though he knew there would be that initial discomfort of actually uncovering a piece of his business, something that he hated to do. Did he fear their reactions? Not that either because he was fairly sure he had caught them once or twice placing bets on when it would happen. It was more so the dread of _how much_ he would have to tell them.

Black Star was easy. Soul always told him only what he wanted and Black Star accepted that. Rarely asked questions. Mostly wanted to move on to fighting or another story about how awesome he was. This all worked for Soul, who liked being as far from the limelight as possible. The girls, on the other hand… inquisition was their forte. If you told them anything, even a 'yes' or 'no,' there were at least five probing questions that followed, each more personal than the last. This was his nightmare.

And Marie perfectly added to it, picking one singular pair to go first, one that definitely did not include Soul, and ordered the rest of the class to sit on the sidelines and soak up the lesson. It wasn't even like she had Mira with her today to cut the side chatter either so as soon as Soul attempted to get to the mat, Liz's claw grasped the back of his shirt, making his collar choke him two giant steps back to where he was sandwiched between Patty and Tsubaki.

Liz's head peeked over his shoulder, "How are you?"

"Fine," Soul offered with the least amount of emphasis he could.

"You were sick yesterday," Tsubaki chimed.

"But you look pretty great today," Patty finished with a nudge.

"Said I was fine." Soul forced his eyes to the mat, trying to look at least mostly interested in Marie's point by point analysis of the spar.

"Maybe too great for being sick yesterday," Liz added before slapping her hand on Soul's shoulder. "So we were wondering why Soul Evans would play hooky."

"Why _wouldn't_ Soul Evans play hooky?" He only eyed her sideways with a lopsided smile.

"True," Liz shot a look at Tsubaki.

It was obvious that it was time for the disarming sweetness and Soul let the smile wither to a grimace as Tsubaki's candied voice, which otherwise would be soothing, started to tear at his reserves. "But Maka said you were sick. She wouldn't lie to us, would she? Unless _you_ were lying to her."

"So either she's the bad guy or I am?" Soul raised an eyebrow in Tsubaki's direction.

"No one's a _bad guy_ ," Patty giggled playfully. "It's just fishy. And you're acting a little fishy today, Soul. Admit it."

He changed his glance to the petite blond, feeling her bounce happily into his shoulder again. "How?"

"Five minutes into any lecture you're usually halfway to drooling," Patty beamed a smile. "But today you were extra wide-eyed."

"And that's not to say you were paying attention," Liz corrected over his shoulder. "Just maybe like you had a lot you were pre-planning or post-planning in your mind. And since Kid didn't mention any big mission lately, our first assumption is it's a Maka problem."

It was Tsubaki's turn to prod him. "And we thought we could offer our help with the Maka problem because we _think_ we might know-"

"You don't," Soul shut her down dryly with an apathetic roll to his eyes. "Look, leave me alone for class, follow me to lunch, and you'll see." _Because if you're not all twittering about it, then you don't know the real news._ He could almost smirk as he slipped out of their bewildered clutches and made for the mat.

* * *

Most of meister class consisted of Black Star in a huff, deeply perturbed by Maka's complete disregard for his questions, or really the same question simply at different volumes and intensities. "What the hell is going on?" had shrunken into an exasperated whisper.

"Just what you saw," Maka gave as probably the most helpful answer so far. The others had been coy, playful, and in a way, she was finally enjoying watching Black Star's frustration with her rather than the other way around. It was a leisure walk to the tree, the usual spot they all met for lunch on days like this where the sun was gracing the sky a little too brightly. Soul wasn't there yet, but after all that had happened, Maka wasn't sure she could produce an ounce of worry, her heart still feeling so light. She simply hunkered down to wait, Black Star watching her joy grimly.

She forced her eyes to stay put on that image even as she heard his footsteps approaching and felt the absolutely perfect way his soul reached for hers as soon as he was even in the vicinity. It wasn't until Soul flopped down unceremoniously next to her and his hand covered hers that she turned her head, returning his aching grin with her own bright smile. "Hey," he murmured.

"How did weapon class go?"

"You tell me," he threw his head over his shoulder, motioning at the gaggle of girls that were still slowly approaching. All three sets of eyebrows were furrowed as they slowly ambled forward.

Maka allowed for a mirth filled laugh. "Did they torture it out of you?"

"Nah," Soul shrugged weakly. "Just kind of told them they'd see."

"Oh…" Maka glanced back again at the eyebrows that were going from furrowed to raised, especially as a smile continued to melt across her lips. "What's wrong?" she offered innocently as the trio stopped to loom over the two of them.

"You're _both_ acting weird," Patty chimed.

"Why would you say that?" The playing coy was almost as exhilarating as the relationship itself. Maka didn't have enough fingers and toes to count the times that Liz, Tsubaki, or Patty had dropped playful comments about Soul, torturing her eternally about the crush she'd harbored for more years than she'd like to count. It was refreshing for the tables to turn.

"They're holding hands," Tsubaki murmured.

"We almost always do," Maka corrected quickly.

"Soul had his arm around her this morning," Black Star quickly tattled, spurring more looks from the girls.

"Think we've done that before, too," Soul sent apathetic blinks in both directions as he turned his head between his best friend and the girls. As he settled on Black Star he let a sly smile hit his lips. "Told you this morning, normal."

The revolution of Black Star's eyebrows almost had Soul laughing until he opened his mouth. "Did you two finally do it?"

There was no enough cool in all of Soul to keep him from reacting. "Shut your damn mouth," Soul was grumbling that and a million curses as he launched himself across the grass at Black Star, his hand attempting to smother him.

"Come on, you've been wanting to _forever_ and-"

"I said _shut it,_ " Soul hissed as the two wrestled.

Maka let the momentary, blushing shellshock settle as she watched the two grapple. In a second she was laughing, her hand clapping quickly to her mouth as Soul shot her a concerned look. "What? It's… funny." She shrugged it off but Soul was still staring, his hands threatening to wring Black Star's neck.

"Maka, are you alright?" Tsubaki had knelt down and was hovering over Maka's shoulder.

"Fine," Maka added another short laugh for assurances because she _was_ alright. Everything about this was fine and looking at him she realized that while Soul might still be struggling to grip it, to let it sink to every last corner, Maka had already jumped headfirst. "Just… Soul and I are back to normal."

The best gift of all was the sweet smile that effortlessly came to Soul's lips as he stared back at her. For a second he was completely unguarded and his muscles unwound. He slowly came back to her side, leaving Black Star grumbling. It was effortless and felt like heaven to wrap an arm around her shoulder again and even with the looks that it elicited from the group, they seemed to accept the moment, everyone falling into the same usual seating arrangement.

But everything wasn't ordinary.

Soul let her catch him watching her out of the corner of his eye.

Maka didn't have to force her hands in her lap, instead letting them find natural positions on his knee or against his back where she finally found the right space to clutch into his shirt.

And both of their souls were humming.


	7. What You Ask For

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **sexual content ahead**

Every minute of the day was a strange, exhilarating navigation of what this new normal was. Each action felt like something new, even though much of it was old. Exchanging glances, touches, or tiny words were completely transformed by the slow dissipation of that ugly boundary of fear. Lingering at home was even better, soft kisses exchanged just when the thought struck one of them. Or, really, for Maka it was whenever the idea came. For Soul, it was a gradual fight at a snail's pace, a touch of a pad of a finger to test the water, tense eyes looking for hints of rejection. It was a stormy battle, but like always, Maka pulled him along.

At bedtime, he didn't resist the urge to walk her to her door or to plant a tender kiss on her lips and then allow the one on her forehead. He smoothed the hair from her face and whispered _goodnights_ before throwing his tired body to the bed. There was no relaxation for his mind again, and he was sure that he'd spend the night starting at the ceiling and dissecting the day when the knock on his door brought him quickly up to his elbows. "Yeah?"

Maka opened the door but there was no pillow in hand, just a beautifully bitten lip teased out by her worrying teeth as she leaned into the doorframe. "I, um…"

"You OK?" He was about to scramble up when she put her hands out, forcing him to stay put.

"Stay there, like that." That was a solid attempt at an order but it warbled as the blush hit her cheeks. Even with the wobbling words, sure steps brought her to the side of his bed. Soul could only lift his head, his eyes glued to hers as any thoughts and words left him when she moved to straddle him on the bed.

 _Where do my hands go? What do I say? How long until I spring a fucking boner and she-_ Thinking about it was enough, or really he should have known the unexpected pressure of her against him was instantly going to create the problem, but even with the stir she only stared down at him with a smile.

"I… kind of couldn't stop thinking about today, last night and…" Maka leaned closer so she could plant her hands over his shoulders.

Every touch had to be calculated and Soul realized Maka was waiting, leaving him space and time to make his careful decisions. Tentatively, his hands planted on her hips, and while that other voice in his head was screaming, it was quickly quieted by the way that shine in her grin renewed, her voice coming back without hesitation now. "And I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Talk?" There was a definite squeaky quality to his voice that he didn't enjoy, but he had no choice. _Talking with her on top of me, getting harder by the fucking second because fuck, now she smells fresh out of the shower and I know she didn't put a bra on since this goddamn tank top is as thin as gauze and of course I've been thinking about today too, and-_

"You said something today, well, two things, that I kind of… can't go to bed without talking to you about it."

"Oh," was the only answer he could offer because his mind was already running with the prompt, retracing every possible misstep and hating just about every other word that came from his mouth.

"Were you…" she did add a sigh there, edging his panic but as she felt it wave over her, she was instantly brushing her fingers gently against his cheek in a strange but reassuring motion. "Were you actually afraid I wasn't going to want to tell them? That I wanted this as some kind of secret?"

His mind couldn't assign the level of alarm because while her words were muddy, difficult, her face was anything but. It was tender, glowing in that surety that he wanted to steal from her fist over fist. "You…" This was like prying a pearl from an oyster and Soul hoped she would consider this just as much a treasure. "I'm cool, and you and me, partner-wise we match, definitely, but… I think about how beautiful you are and, well, maybe it just doesn't seem like I add up to someone you _should_ be with."

"Hm," Maka hummed it out thoughtfully, his eyebrows furrowing. "Is that really it? You've definitely called yourself handsome more than a few times," she teased.

Soul snorted out a laugh, "Maybe not just beautiful in the look's kind of way, Maka. That's what I mean. The all-around kind of way."

"So your dark and moody doesn't match?" Maka raised her eyebrows playfully.

"Hey," he started to gripe but to his surprise, she placed a finger over his lips.

"How about my stubborn and know-it-all-ness? Do they match dark and moody?" She slid the finger and with it seemed to pull a smile out of his lips.

"Maybe," he let half a grin brighten the word.

"Soul, I care about what people think, I definitely do," Maka shrugged weakly. "But not when it comes to something that would hurt you. I'll let anyone say or do anything to me if it means you're not hurt. So today, saying everything was _normal_ , I don't want you to think I was trying to cover it up, keep it ambiguous because I didn't want them to know. If you want, I can say-"

Soul was shaking his head, cutting off any more unnecessary rambling. "Don't think you need to. Pretty sure girls got the gist and Black Star is gonna think whatever suits him so… one of those things were maybe our business is just our business."

"And you're usually so eager to shout everything from the rooftops," she let out a giggle as she seemed to sink lower with every word, her stomach first pressing against him and working to her chest.

He couldn't tell if his laugh was short because of the way she was crushing his diaphragm or the need that washed over him as her lips came into range. Soul didn't spend time wondering about it, one of his hands coming from her hip to dig into her hair, bringing her the last inch or two to allow him the chance to taste her. Chaste kisses had been most of the night's endeavors so he let this one linger deeply.

Maka tapped his chest with her finger, feeling him release the pressure on command. "One more thing… Black Star said you've been wanting to for a while…?" She barely got the words from her lips and the bashful blush made the burning from his kiss seconds ago seem like sucking on an ice cube.

Something halfway between a cough and a laugh left his throat. "Look, I never said _that_ exactly, just-"

"But you didn't deny it," Maka chided.

Soul sighed, "About that…"

"I mean," Maka was quick to amend with the sudden flare of anxiety that she would lose him again to those feelings of disgust. "I'm not… against it. I don't know that much about it, honestly, but with you…"

She had been right to interrupt him because as soon as the words left her lips she watched the calming smile start to pull at the corners of his mouth. "You trust me?"

"With everything," she murmured back before pressing her lips to his again.

While he let them linger there for a moment, the fingers sunken into her hair pulled her away to expose those red eyes trying to stare through her. "Wanting to and being able to might be a little different," he murmured. There was another pause and she could feel him stubbornly holding onto that door, just letting his fingers keep it open a crack.

"So you still want to but….?" She prompted him, imagining sticking her fingers in the tiny rift over his and hauling it open just a little more.

"But," Soul could feel the tug of war, leaving the words strained but still dropping from his lips. "Just kissing you gets a little overwhelming." He punctuated that with a sigh and a slight tightening of his fingers as if to keep her from getting away. "I haven't even touched you."

"You can," she gave softly with no hesitation, and as the smile grew on his lips that bravery was leaching back into her. "I want you to. So… why don't we just start with that?"

One of his hands came out of her hair and drifted to her shoulder. "I want to," he murmured helplessly, not so much for her but as some kind of reassurance to himself. _It's OK, it's what she wants,_ thankfully echoed only in his head. He pulled her back into the kiss, mouths eager again to explore just as his fingers drifted up and down her arm, spurring a trail of goosebumps.

"Um," she broke them momentarily and Soul held his breath. "Maybe… under the shirt."

That held air came out as a sharp laugh from his lips, "Always impatient."

"I told you," her voice came back as a soft scold that she could barely hold on to as he nipped at her bottom lip. Just as his nibble was through she breathed out heavily, "I want this just as much as you do."

The hesitation in his fingers fizzled away under her order, his hand running a tingling trail down her side to reach the hem of her tank top. As soon as the calloused pads hit the warmth of her bare skin there, Soul had to pause. This shouldn't be so alien, his hands having bandaged a million wounds on her body that would have required him to be all over her unclothed skin before. There had never been this much heat before and never with that kind of electric buzz from her skin, her muscles shivering even at the slightest movement of his hand. He kept one more moment of stillness to relish it.

Ribs ran under his palm as his slow stroke came just below the swell of her breast. There had to be another pause and even with her resisting, he pulled her away again. She barely gave him enough room to murmur, "Tell me when to stop."

"I don't think I'll want to," she gave back breathlessly.

"But if you do."

"I will." Maka refused to leave them parted anymore, his hand not unpleasantly tugging at her hair as she forced her lips back to his. She was sliding her tongue into his mouth, tasting the mutual frenzy as his hand made the final move to cup her breast. It was a wonderful tingling shot from his fingers to her center and the only thing her mind and her soul screamed for was more. There was no way he couldn't hear her or feel the hum that was reverberating between them so he let his fingers flex again, massaging into the tender flesh. As the pressure increased, Maka couldn't keep the moan from passing between her lips.

Soul was frozen, the sound barely quivering off his lips to her. "Maka?"

She sighed sweetly, "That was a good sound, Soul. Keep going, _please_."

The desperation in her voice cut the tie of another restraint for him, leaving Soul no choice but to use the anchored hand in her hair to turn her head, leaving her neck bare to him. As he renewed the grasp at her breast his mouth pressed to the flushed skin next to her jaw. This left the second groan from her lips to melodiously trickle out next to his ear, making something close to pride but definitely laced with lust to blossom in his chest. _Again_ , he was urging her as he continued to repeat the motions with hands and lips that were losing that tight control.

"Soul," she purred out as it trailed off into another moan.

He hadn't been prepared for what that would do to him. The sweet way she said his name in those fleeting moments that he used to dream meant that she loved him had always made his heart dribble into a stuttering mess in his chest but this, that begging, needy request for him lit every last fire. When that hit him, he was right at the tender skin of her collarbone and he instantly needed more than just that whisper touch to her skin and found himself powerless against the need to nip at her. He pulled the skin between his teeth to taste her while toying with her nipple between his thumb and forefinger.

Maka's body shuddered against him, all of her trembling for a moment that transported him from ecstasy to terror, tearing himself back from the madness he'd allowed himself to fall into. "Maka," he rushed out from his lips as his hands moved to catch her rather than touch her. "I'm sorry. I'm-"

"Sorry for what?" When those gorgeous green eyes opened it wasn't fear or pain but hazy desire that left him helpless to do anything other than to stare at it.

"Did that hurt?" he barely could force the words out.

A sheepish smile was tugging her bottom lip out of her teeth that was worrying at it. "A little, but…" She let out a shaky breath. "I liked it," that was barely above a whisper and the words came so quickly that they were practically one.

"Liked it?" Soul was breathless and blushing as he stared up at her.

"I'm not fragile," she complained as her finger played at his sternum through his t-shirt.

His laugh was sharp but almost silent, more just pushing the air that was trapped in his lungs by fear. "You're full of surprises, you know that?"

She hummed a sweet affirmative as she nuzzled her nose to his. "Would you… do that again? Maybe a little harder," the request would be lost if it wasn't for their closeness.

"Harder?" The laugh that he thought would follow that fizzled and for a second he was sure it was going to come out as a helpless groan instead. "The… the hand or…?" The mortification of getting that much out was making his face burn.

Maka was momentarily flustered by the need for clarification but she swallowed any of her own stubborn worries and laid it out to him as she would any critique of their partnership. "Hand was good but the teeth maybe _more_."

He had to press that groan back again with a clearing of his throat. "I, uh, well, what if it leaves a mark?"

"Oh," Maka paused in thought and pressed in her chin as if she could see the spot he'd just toyed with. "Just, um… aim for where my shirt would cover?"

Soul laid there in stunned silence, his mind still trying to process the request but having as much success as a browser with 300 tabs open.

Maka let him stare for another moment before the blush exploded on her cheeks along with the words, "Or if that's too much! I mean, we, we don't have to, if that's weird or…" She was scrambling for more but all thought went dead as she felt the shift in him before the movement even came.

Rarely would Soul ever be considered the one to wield her but in that moment he was in control of her body as he rolled her over in the bed. The same pressure pinched at the peak of her breast but his mouth latched just above the neckline of her tank top. Those sharky teeth did as she asked, pulling at the skin just enough to leave a soft indent. In reply, Maka arched towards him, refusing to let his mouth get away without leaving a second and a third. Soul barely pulled away as he panted against her skin, "I'll always give you what you ask for, got it?"

Maka's eyes snapped open to meet his smoldering red ones and couldn't find the air for a reply, just a sharp nod.

"More?"

She nodded a second time and she was sure her chin didn't even get into the downward motion before his teeth were grazing that edge again. Maka took her hand out of his hair, using it to pull down the tank top, dipping it dangerously low and uncovering some of his hand underneath. As she offered him more room, he toyed with sucking at his skin just above his fingers, this time producing a cherry red mark.

 _A hickey!_ Her mind screamed and she almost urged a laugh forward in a half-mortified, half-amused state. There was a little bit of euphoria tangled in that feeling and while Maka would never call it ownership, it was definitely a hint of a feeling of being marked, of being his in a way that no one else was allowed to because she controlled it. _I wonder if he knows, if he feels sort of powerful when he does this. Maybe one day I'll be brave enough to ask for an answer to that._

* * *

Leaving his bed left them both frustrated, built up to a singing note that didn't sound because even with Maka's courage, the idea that wanting to and being able to being two separate things was just too close to the reality. As Maka tried to unwind, the screen on her phone lit up, his name and a link to _video 12_ popping up as the reason.

He was in the clothes she just left him in, still obscuring his face but holding the microphone from his headphones close to his lips so that husky whisper was in her ear. "You're thinking why am I doing this when you're right across the hall. When you just left my room a few minutes ago. Maybe it's because there are a million things I want to say but none of them beat kissing you. Except I know this is what you want, so here goes."

"The way you said my name tonight…" a warbling sigh left his lips but the corner was pulling in a smirk. "It's never sounded like that before and I want to hear it like that every day because it makes it feel like, I don't know, like you more than need me. That was… you wanting me, wasn't it? Tonight I touched you and even though I waited for it, there wasn't a second of wrong in it. No disgust or fear or anything like that because we both know it'd snap through our wavelengths like a sour taste but all I could get was a buzz. You and me, just a nice little harmony."

"I kind of wanted to ask you but of course I fucking chickened out, but… did it all feel good? I wasn't lying when I said I'd give you what you asked for but I hope that all the things I do leave you just as fucking breathless as everything you do to me. Maybe tomorrow, when you wake up and watch this, you'll let me know. Or hopefully," he paused for something close to a contented sigh, "you'll let me try it all again."


	8. The Scar

It started with the way he bit into his apple at lunch. The flash of teeth reminding her of what she was hiding under the button-up collar today.

Then she may have caught him shirtless for just a second, only getting to see the rippled muscles of his back when he changed his t-shirt in the yard after weapon's practice.

Finally, as she was peering carefully at book titles in the library, he'd snuck up on her and let a ghost of a hand, just fleeting fingertips, etch a soft line against the small of her back before barely having the nerve to give her a cool glare with a warm blush haunting high on his cheeks and catching to his ears.

That was why as soon as the door closed behind them at the apartment she was pressing into him, her lips blunderous in their aggression. Soul caught her like he'd done a million times before but with not as much grace since his hands struggled against imaginary offenses that his mind still tried to whisper. Stumbling steps brought the two of them to the living room, Maka practically throwing him to sit on the couch. His face was desperately flushed, catching a little crimson at his throat where his Adam's apple bobbed with the dry swallow that he barely managed when her fingers came to the buttons of her shirt. "Maka," came his throaty, baritone whisper.

How did he not realize that was just going to spur her fingers forward? Because Maka could practically melt into that voice and when she locked eyes with him, that gentle concern still hinting at the edges, any last ounce of hesitation started to blow away. "I want to," she offered honestly which brought a sort of clumsy nod from him as he studied those buttons like hieroglyphics. That was until last night's handy-work was freely displayed and while there was a fleeting second's worth of shame as his eyes darted along the cup of her bra he couldn't help but feel the thrill again.

That spurred his hands forward, touching tentatively at her waist as she tossed the rest of her shirt off. His grip tightened as she stepped forward and practically clutched as she moved to straddle him on the couch. "Maka," he cautioned again but the way she nipped at his lips left him with nothing else but a trembling sigh.

Maka left him breathless before she settled back in his lap. Her fingers drifted to the bottom of his shirt but her eyes never left his. She didn't need soul perception to read the fear that gripped him, just the way those red eyes that had been smoldering like coals with want a second ago had now fizzled with the addition of a little too much liquid pooling at the rims. Maka knew she was pressing a line, that this was most certainly one of those opportunities for her to be pushed away, but what would happen if she never took risks? They wouldn't be here if she hadn't.

Taking off his shirt left Soul lifeless, immobile in the crashing wave of his emotions. His mouth refused to move either way, too weak to tighten in a grimace or let any of those old questions he once said to a screen sound again. They were all resounding in his head, creating a clattering cacophony that just spurred the burn in his eyes.

Maka tossed the shirt on the couch next to them and instantly settled a hand on his cheek and the other pressing fingers into the tip of his scar. Her touch elicited a painful sigh from his mouth, full of absolutely none of the sweetness of the day before. His eyes threatened to look away so her hand slipped into his hair, moving his head to be intent on her face as her finger trailed along the whitish tissue. "Listen to me."

While his lips still couldn't produce any motion, his hands inched up her sides, tenderly roaming skin.

"I look at this and… all it does is _make_ me want to kiss you." She punctuated this by proving her statement and planting a tender kiss on his lips before letting her green eyes lock with the scarlet again. "For a lot of reasons. Mostly because this was you loving me, wasn't it?"

Soul nodded slowly as he leaned into her hand. She allowed for the shift, for him to hide his face there as the tears started to threaten.

"But don't think that's all it is," Maka murmured softly as she took the hand away, putting it on his shoulder to give her the leverage to dip her lips to his skin. This wasn't about leaving marks of love but cherishing one that already existed as Maka left a soft kiss on his chest. It was an awkward stretch and she almost laughed at herself and the way he had to slip his hands down to support her at the hips and keep her from falling off his lap and the couch.

There was no humor in it for Soul, his breath hitching as her lips met skin, his eyes still unable to watch her and looking blankly out into the hallway.

She raised her head and leaned in close to his ear, serving each word as a gentle whisper. "You…" Maka swallowed the hesitation, urging forward with her fingers pressed into his skin. "I looked, _look_ at you all the time and there's not a moment I feel sorry for you except maybe when you spill your coffee on your shirt or you get picked first for a question in class." She paused to let her hand drift, following the scar by memory and reveling in the way his skin broke out into goosebumps under her fingers. "Maybe when it happened I couldn't, but now… I _want_ to look at it. I want you to be able to look at me seeing it and know that your body is perfect to me, that all I think about is… how much I want this."

Soul's hands moved from her waist to grab her, forcing his face into the crux of her neck. For a second she was waiting for another round of teasing from lips and teeth but instead, the liquid started to dot along her shoulder. It was a vise grip she was in, his hands digging into their hold on her, and Maka easily sunk into it. She let her fingers play in his hair, listening to unsteady breaths that hitched and coughed out against her neck. _You idiot, holding that agony for so long. Oh, please, please, please tell me this is you letting go. This is a start, not a finish._ "And I want this, too," she murmured out with a sigh. "I want to be selfish. I feel like I have your soul most days but I want your body, and more importantly, I want this, your heart. And you said you'd give me what I asked for. So let me have you. You can keep making those videos, I know that's easier for you, but give me this sometimes, too."

His breath came back to even and she felt it as he moved his lips towards her ear. "I…" his voice was husky, broken, but it thrummed in his chest that hers was pressed so tightly to. "Maybe I forgot that you protect me just as much as I protect you."

"Protect you from what?" she murmured.

A rough laugh tangled against her ear and it sent a chill down her spine. "Myself, Maka. You always protect me from myself."

A happy hum purred from her chest to his, easing out the last of twined anxiety clinging to his ribs. "Hey," she chirped quickly as she arched her back, forcing his head from its hiding spot. "You know what I think we should do?"

He lifted his eyebrows in a silent but thorough answer.

She offered him a glowing smile before the answer quickly snapped from her mouth, "A nap."

There was no fighting the grin as it echoed hers. "Together?"

Maka nodded swiftly but before she should start to ease out of his lap Soul was getting her airborne, proving that he hadn't been wasting training hours. His hands had slipped easily under her thighs, leaving her no hope but to wrap her legs around his waist with a gleeful laugh. "Your bedroom."

"Why?" The question didn't slow his steps and he moved as ordered.

"It…" Somehow, even though her shirtless body was pressed against his, the idea brought a blush to her cheeks. "It smells like you."

He grunted a laugh, "Weirdo." Before she could berate him he was tossing her on the bed, forcing another laugh from her instead.

"Grab me a t-shirt," she ordered as she laid out, watching him immediately go to fiddling through his drawers to find an acceptable one out of the millions of choices. He tossed it at her and waited, his brain barely processing the motions. Maka was in the middle of unclasping her bra as the t-shirt hit her and just as the cups popped away from her breasts she slipped her arms out of the straps, just letting it fall away before quickly slipping the shirt overhead. When her face popped through the hole her cheeks were bright red and her eyes were diligently focused on discarding the bra over the edge of the bed.

And while that reptile part of his brain was trying to perseverate on the sweet but fleeting snapshot of her breasts, the rest of him was entranced by the way she flopped into his pillow, her hair somehow arranging in a perfect splay like streaks of sunshine against the white case and those green eyes beckoning him closer. He slid in next to her and she forcefully arranged him, moving his arm behind her so the pillow didn't matter anymore, her cheek pressing against the scar that her lips had caressed. She eagerly pulled the comforter around them but Soul was sure the warmth wouldn't be necessary, her body radiating against him.

His hand had come to rest on her shoulder but he let it drift up, weaving his fingers through her hair as he stared at the ceiling. "I, uh… I ruined the mood." It was a trembling apology as much as it was an observation.

Maka snorted a laugh, "Well, you would have if you called it that."

"Maka," he complained.

There was a distinct pause as her fingers danced along his chest, picking up the white line and following the jagged edge. "We have plenty of time, don't we?"

His breath hitched as she hit just above his belly button and he used his other hand to trap her fingers, tangling them with his. "Yeah, we have forever, if that's what you want."

She angled her head, gently pressing her lips to his chest again so his fingers tightened around hers. "And you'll always give me what I ask for."


	9. Powerful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **sexual content** ahead!

It wasn't anger, probably something closer to a thin veneer of annoyance painted over Soul's usual layer of general worry. Either way, it was making his palms itch as he watched the seconds tick on the clock. He always accused Maka of patience not being her strong suit but here he was proving himself no better as he launched off the hallway wall to start for the classrooms. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, it was always meeting at the double doors to the stairwell to the roof where they used to blow off the rest of the world and he would pretend there was no matter more pressing than watching her hair drift along with the breeze.

Today Maka was late and today Soul was stomping down the corridor. Each step brought a new possibility: stuck behind with Stein for bitch-work, pulled aside by Marie for a motherly moment, plotting with Liz about something he'd probably rather not know, or the worse option sequestered by Kid for a mission. Missions were technically no big deal, but the fact that they'd had a lull lately had afforded them a luxury that they barely ever received, time. It was time to make dinners together, to pretend that he had to begrudgingly allow her to eavesdrop on his playing piano, to make her so wrapped up in his sheets that maybe his bed didn't just smell like him anymore.

As he turned the corner, it wasn't Maka's voice that hit him but a deeper one, an easy drifting baritone from the meister classroom. "... and I wanted to ask you something."

Soul paused just before the doorway, hanging like a shadow before the frame.

"Ask me what?" Maka's voice came back with genuine curiosity and he could imagine those jade eyes blinking widely, the amiable smile starting on her lips.

"Well, I overheard you and Kim, and I thought if you needed someone to go with I would love to take you."

The words wanted to wheedle their spiny little talons into Soul when Maka almost immediately jumped at the end of the voice's sentence. "That's nice of you, but no," and while she said nice, Soul heard the myriad of other words she wanted to use instead. That was a _nice_ that he might get if he offered a Sylvester Stallone movie.

There was a flustered movement from the room and Soul started to round the corner, sure he couldn't risk Maka's words not being enough. "Can I ask why not?" came from the back in front of him that had obviously moved to block the door.

"That's simple," she snapped back pertly. "I have a boyfriend."

"Hey," Soul called huskily.

"Oh," Maka peeked around the shoulders at the door and easily started to push past them. "Sorry, I got caught up with Stein and then Sam stopped me," she waved her hand nonchalantly at the dusty blond boy who was now turning assessing eyes at Soul.

Soul offered only a minute jump of his eyebrows, that passive line of his lips never betraying him. His only reply was a hand offered between them and Maka took it. They made it to the hallway, maybe two or three more steps, before he pulled her into the stairwell, his mouth catching her clumsily as he made the line of where she started and he ended disappear as he pressed her to the wall. Even though her eyes dashed for a moment around the cramped space to check for snoops, the racing of her heart beat them out. Maka tasted the lack of restraint in him, the sweet way it wasn't his soul but his hands that were reaching for her first.

"I heard," he panted out as he just let his lips part from hers.

"Oh," her voice drifted hazily, still full of the dreamy quality of this kind of touch from him. "Soul… don't be, you shouldn't be jealous, it's just-"

"Not jealous," and for a second that cool laugh was back and she could feel a smirk growing on his lips as they still hovered so close to hers.

She realized he was making her wait, forcing the question, "Then what?"

"I think I was wrong," he murmured. "I… liked hearing you say it."

"Say it…?" Maka was replaying the moments in the classroom in her head as Soul leaned in to tease out the time with his lips, to either pull out the thoughts or more of her love with his tongue. She was about to spill over the edge, dangerously letting her hips lean into his when her mind surfaced. "Oh! Boyfriend?"

He chuckled, "Heard it loud and clear. Sounded nice."

"It was meant loud and clear," she chirped back as she coaxed him back with a tempting press of her lips. And while she felt a little more of him unlocking, here pressed into the dark part of the stairwell, there was a substantial shift in her, another little layer of propriety peeling away. Even his rough palm starting just under her shirt, running the curve of her side felt necessary rather than naughty.

"Soul Evans, what are you doing?" Marie's voice sent an ice cube down Soul's spine, cooling every last bit of euphoria from him instantly.

 _Mom_ , was almost the yelp from his mouth as his hands were suddenly hovering in the air. Maka had pressed her face against his chest, hiding the flaming blush on her cheeks.

"And _Maka?_ "

That sounded incredulous and for a second it hit him, _Did she think I was making out with someone else? Who else would I be under a stairwell with?_

"Marie," Stein was starting but Marie waved a hand at him.

"What do the two of you think you're doing?" Her hand was just about at Soul's ear, ready for the standard pull-and-drag when Stein got him by the gruff of the neck first.

"I'll take care of it, Marie." Stein's smile was sweet in Marie's direction but as soon as it turned back to Soul he saw the terror-inducing playfulness there and he wondered if he shouldn't hedge his bets with Marie. The choice was really between destruction or dissection.

As Stein pulled him along he could hear the highs and lows of Marie's voice echoing from the stairwell. After a few more steps he was relieved, Stein not taking him down to the lab but up towards the roof even if the sun and fresh air were usually not high on Stein's list. "Look, Stein-"

"Relax." Stein waved him off and sat with his feet dangling over the edge. He reached into his inside jacket pocket and fished out a cigarette from a long staling pack he'd hidden there. He lit it and Soul moved to be upwind before hunkering down next to Stein.

"Um," Soul cleared his throat. "Did Marie, uh, why did Marie seem so surprised?"

Stein chuckled dryly, "Maka is Marie's little angel. The assumption that something like that would be happening with Maka didn't exactly come to mind first."

"Oh," Soul sighed. "Well, she is…"

"Both," Stein nodded. "We're not always exactly as other people see us. I think you and I know that especially well."

That edged a sigh of relief from his throat as he leaned back on his hands. "So what do you have to do? Yell at me?"

Stein coughed out an unexpected cloud of smoke before closing the interruption with an amused smile. "I don't know. What I do know is that you would have been miserable if I let her take you."

Soul snorted a laugh but let the worry cloud him like the dust he kicked off the bottoms of his shoes. "What about Maka?"

Stein raised his eyebrows at him, "Maka can handle Marie, you cannot."

He wasn't sure whether he should laugh or grimace, the words being too much of the truth. "What are we going to do?"

"Sit here," Stein offered amiably before taking another long drag of his cigarette.

Soul considered him and the smoke before pulling in a long breath, "Then… can I ask you something?"

Stein shrugged acquiescence.

"Was it… was it hard to get that close to Marie? I mean, going from meister and weapon to…" Defining those two had always been just as hard as defining them. Even after Marie gave Stein a son, it was still hard to believe that the two of them even entertained the idea of the act. Neither seemed to give the other needy looks or even after their relationship was established there was never an ounce of public displays of affection.

"Extremely difficult," Stein nodded and sent oddly sympathetic eyes Soul's way. "But Marie is pushy. If you even give her an inkling that you love her she holds on to it with an iron grip. She makes you forget that your preference is to keep that door tightly shut in your heart."

Soul could still easily envision his but now every time he thought he saw it in his mind's eye, he couldn't help but see Maka's fingers prying it open at the same time. "How… open do you have to be?"

"Marie and I have a child together." While there was some warmth there the rest drained away with the insistence bleeding in the next words, "If you expect to take on the responsibility of loving someone, you have to let that go. It does not mean that you have to be open with everyone, but that person, you must."

A trembling breath left his lips but not with enough strength to be a sigh. "I'm scared."

Stein hummed a knowing note of agreement. "Battles are easy in comparison."

"Then… it scares you, too?" A spring of hope was starting in his chest.

"All the time," Stein offered him a smile that while not entirely gentle at least didn't speak of the kind of amusement dissection brought. "What you feel for her is natural. I would call it ordinary if I didn't think you'd find that somehow insulting."

"Not ordinary," he grumbled back before turning his eyes out to the stretch of the city.

"As I said," Stein chuckled. "But…"

"But?"

"Well, I'd expect nothing less of you, to completely analyze all of the possible contingencies, but…"

"But?" Soul urged again.

He let a wry smile part his lips and dance in his eyes, "Use protection."

* * *

Maka wasn't completely surprised by the quiet, nervous Soul that was present for that evening. Marie had learned all her moves from an Inquisition interrogator but Maka could only imagine the horrors that Stein brought during his questioning. What she hadn't expected was Soul refusing to let go of her hand as they said goodnight and starting a slow pull towards his room. She didn't hesitate in her steps, letting him lead but as his hands settled on her hips it wasn't to pull her in but to set her down on the bed. Maka stared up at him, eyebrows raised and lips slightly parted as she tried to pull together the questions in her mind.

"Listen," he started off sharply as he dug a hand through his hair.

"OK…" and for a second she was sure this was the break-up speech and the burn of tears hit her eyes against her internally screaming requests.

As his eyes started to water, she clenched her fingers into the bedspread to keep herself stable for the heartache. "I told you before that _this_ ," he was pointing at his chest but Maka knew it was the door in heart, "the way I hold on tight to it all isn't your fault."

"You did," Maka replied tentatively, the deathgrip on his comforter not relieving.

"You want to say ' _but.'"_ Maka took it as an accusation, spinning it desperately in her head but before she could spit the venom back at him Soul was leaning down, grabbing at her cheeks and making her feel the jumbling, skittish mess of his soul. He wasn't fighting, he was bearing it all, and Maka's eyes went wide as it hit her. "There's no but. That door, the lock, all of it, is my own damn fault. _I_ made up all the stories that you didn't love me, that you couldn't want me, that what I was feeling was disgusting and wrong. But I… I need to promise you, right now, that I'm going to let it go because when I make you a promise, we both know I do it."

"So promise," Maka murmured.

"It's gonna fucking kill me, Maka Albarn," he squeezed the words painfully from his throat, "but I swear everything there is yours. I just… please, for the love of _Death_ , will you please just help me out. Sometimes I don't even think I _know_ what you want to know, I don't even think I _know_ everything that I'm even hiding so do what you do best and ask all your crazy questions that you love."

"Now?" The blood was rushing back to her fingers as she relaxed the clutch to bring them over his.

"Now, or 3 AM, or tomorrow, or for the rest of our fucking lives," he let the list out as a rush before gasping for air again.

"Can I opt for tomorrow?" she laughed softly as she pulled his hands away.

"Marie's interrogation probably tired you out," he chuckled back. When he tried to take his hands from hers and give her the room to get up from the bed he found himself stuck, Maka holding tightly.

She shook her head swiftly, "I want to… pick up where we left off."

"Oh," his voice warbled. "Yeah? You mean… shirts off?"

"Shirts off," Maka nodded.

His hand touched tentatively at the hem of his t-shirt. "You sure?"

Maka was answering his question by throwing off her nightshirt, sending Soul for a loop as he was instantly reminded that post-shower Maka never wore a bra. "After that promise, definitely."

"Definitely," he echoed in a dumbfounded haze. For some reason, his mind had equated that to something closer to a fight, more an apology promise than something to woo her and this was most certainly not the way he'd planned for the night to end. _Maybe some love-sick, loser sighs and a bunch of wondering what any of the million looks on her face meant and if she believed-_

She saw the spiraling start and grabbed him by the shirt, snapping his mind back long enough that his face flushed crimson as his eyes played the dangerous game of darting between her face and her breasts. "You can look, but take off your shirt first."

 _I can look!_ He had to bite his lip to keep the entirely uncool sound that was halfway between a groan and a gulp from bursting from his lips. He was lucky that was a look Maka appreciated, the pink that had started on her cheeks flaring to a crimson to match his. While Soul was able to barely keep himself in check, a tiny hum of a sound came from her throat as he tossed off his shirt and edged closer to the bed. "What was that?" he teased since he knew full well she should have done the same.

"Nothing," she muttered but as he got close enough his hand gripped at her neck, turning her eyes to his. "Soul…"

"I liked it," he whispered huskily and watched her lips quiver in reply. It was oddly satisfying to see her struggle with words, the bookworm who always had something to say. "Tell me what to do so I can hear it again."

"Come here," it was a warbly order but he followed it anyway especially as her delicate hands met his bare skin. Maka laid down on the bed, bringing him with her to squeeze the warmth between their bodies. Soul started slow as always, his first focus tangling his tongue with hers while he dug fingers into her hair. Even when their lips parted it was to let them trail down her neck, his teeth starting to graze as soon as he hit below the collarbone. Soul latched once with the tried and true pressure, finding her arching into him. "Soul…"

That was always the key to that lock and he was sure while his mouth against her was exciting, the real reason his name curled off those beautiful lips was because she could feel his apprehension, the prethinking that had already started as his hand snaked up her stomach. _It's OK, this is what she wants_ , he had to repeat again like a holy mantra as he used his hand to bring her breast towards his mouth. As his tongue flicked at the delicate tip, his first reward was a gasp. As his lips closed over her nipple, he received a heated, trembling sigh. When his teeth nibbled, she practically kicked him off the bed, her knee knocking painfully into the meat of his thigh. "No!"

Soul jumped to attention, his eyes wide as the words started to bumble off his lips, "I'm sorry, I-"

"It's OK," she lodged the words quickly into his head, adding a hand to his cheek for good measure. "Just… no teeth there, please."

"No teeth," he breathed a sigh of relief. "But the tongue?"

She nodded quickly. "I'm sorry if I hurt you," her hand inched down to his thigh.

"Surprised more than anything." Instead of turning back to his work, Soul was frozen, her hand first grazing the part of his thigh that she'd dug into before her hand pressed tightly. His throat bobbed with a dry swallow as her hand met the bulge next to the supposedly wounded area. Pajama pants were unforgiving but also dangerously thin and as her palm ran along his length, Soul barely smothered a groan by clenching his jaw.

"That's OK?" Maka didn't pause and wait for a reply, just changing the trajectory with the added pressure of her fingers. Soul had no hope as he pressed his face against her breast and the desperate moan rattled from his mouth. It was embarrassment resounding in his ears but her hand grasped into his hair and lifted, forcing his eyes to her face. "Tell me, feels good or bad?"

"Good," he whispered back. "Just… I…"

"It's cute," she cooed.

His cheeks flared scarlet as he tried to force a grimace over his flustered lips, "Cute?"

"Cute," she repeated as she pulled him back towards her so she could brush his lips with hers. "You don't have to hide it if it feels good. You don't have to hide anything from me, right?"

Soul sighed sweetly, probably cutely, as he inched up to make it easier to focus on her lips. Maybe one of his favorite parts was the ebb and flow, the way Maka didn't mind the slow down for tender reassurance. It was very Soul, the pause for recalibration, the thoughtful deceleration before any giant leaps.

"Can I ask you something?" Maka murmured over his lips as they paused for breath.

That deeply ingrained fear was biting at him but the words tumbled effortlessly from his mouth, "Told you, ask all your questions."

"Have you been… _frustrated_ after we stop for the night?"

" _Frustrated_?" Soul offered a laugh, "I think you mean _turned-on_ , right?" And before she could even chastise him a sudden wave of amusement took him. "Black Star would say _horny_."

"Could you please not bring _him_ up while we're like this?"

He couldn't stop another chuckle, "Just sayin' if the way I feel is normal, then maybe the words are normal too."

Maka took a refreshing amount of time to process his logic, her eyebrows curling and relaxing as she cleared some of the hair from his face. "Fine, then, _horny._ "

Soul snorted a final laugh before she poked at his cheek. "Sorry, sorry, yeah, just you saying it was… definitely different." He cheesed a grin before clearing his throat to offer a semblance of seriousness. "I mean, well, yeah. It's been… everything's been fucking great but you're right, afterwards, it's hard to come down. It's almost weird to be alone now, if that makes sense."

Maka nodded thoughtfully and that analytical, know-it-all voice was suddenly there, "Have you been _finishing_ by yourself?"

"Finishing by myself?" He squeaked back. "You mean-" and he didn't want to finish the sentence, even after his own suggestion about the words. _Jerking off. Masturbating._ Suddenly it was Black Star's voice with a myriad of euphemisms: _Cuffing the carrot. Taking the self-guided tour. Burping the worm._

But she nodded so succinctly without needing the rest.

"No," he urged back like it was some kind of test.

"Why not?" Maka's eyebrows were doing their thing, squaring up to read the problem that was his face. "I feel like you _have_ to. I would have gone crazy."

"You-?" And while Soul had been sure he'd never been harder in his life than when Maka's fingers were trailing along the bulge in his pants, the momentary mental image supplied by the woman herself gave him a wave that made his hips want to buck.

"I did," and while the admission came with a bright blush and a little warble to her voice it was still the same sure Maka underneath. "I thought we talked about this, that thinking about each other while-"

"You thought about _me_?" The clarification was so desperately necessary and as she nodded he blew a puff of air from his lips.

"Is that wrong?" Maka raised both eyebrows as a challenge.

"Well…" Soul focused past her and tried to find the answer in the threads of the pillowcase because while it seemed clear, saying it felt muddy. "It's not, right?" was the best he could do.

"I don't think so," Maka murmured. "But I was thinking…"

"Yeah?" his voice hit another high note because this course of thought so far has been nothing less than overwhelming.

"Well," and with a sense of relief, he watched a little bit more of the embarrassment eke in, spreading a more vivid pink on her cheeks. "I get nervous when I'm just expected to _know_ how to do something and I like it so much better when I can _learn_ and I know there's porn, but none of that seems _right_ , none of it seems like _us_ and I wish there was just a guidebook for you and me but I know there's no such thing."

"It's OK, I don't really know either," he murmured. "We can… go slow like we have been. I'm not saying that I _need_ -"

"But I think… I think I do," Maka urged but immediately went soothing over his hair with her hands. "Or really, I want the next step. If you're ready. If you'll show me."

There wasn't enough saliva in his mouth for the king-sized gulp he needed to insert here but he managed it dry and took an achingly large breath. "Maka, if you're sure, you're ready then, yeah, but… for fuck's sake I know this sounds selfish but can I show you first and then you show me?" Her eyebrows narrowed and he knew the question before it was coming so he gave up. "I'm not gonna last through watching you or touching you, not right now, not like… not with what we've been doing."

"You think me-"

"I haven't _finished myself off_ since damn video number eleven," he muttered.

"Oh," the circle of surprise turned to a smile. "Then, um, why don't we…?"

Soul took one more careful minute to examine her face and feel that alluring buzz of excitement and curiosity humming off her soul. He sat up slowly, hating the separation from her warmth but finding her quick to put her head on his shoulder as he sat up next to her. She kissed his neck for reassurance but Soul still couldn't stop the clenching of his jaw as he pulled his pants and boxers off.

"It's _big_ ," she offered in all inquisitive honesty.

Relief in the form of a laugh hit his lips, even if it was only temporary. "Thanks, but once you spend a lot of time in the guy's locker room, you'll find out it's kinda just normal."

"So they… all look like this?"

Soul pondered the question as he steadied his dick in his hands, stopping it from that twitching wave that was starting thanks to her breath on his neck and the way her fingers were now trailing his chest. "Mostly. Can't say I've really spent that much time thinking about it."

"I guess not," Maka replied sensibly. "I mean, it's not like we spend that much time comparing."

"Good to know," he let another laugh ease his anxiety.

She giggled back, pressing it against his neck and spurring a grunt from his chest. "What?"

"Uh," he bought time with the prolonged vowel. "Just… feels nice."

"What does?" her whisper was lower now, more thoughtful.

"Your breath there," he smiled softly, "and I guess being able to laugh about this, that kinda feels nice, too. I'm…" _Lock and key. Everything's tight under lock and key but you promised._ "I'm still nervous you'll figure out that this isn't what you want."

"I know I don't always plan as much as you," she seemed to purposefully turn her lips against his skin, adding more hot breaths against his neck, "but even when I take a leap, if it's with you, it's always been alright. You make it alright."

"I always will," he murmured, and just as he hoped she popped her head from its hiding place, letting their lips meet in a kiss he felt all the way down to his toes. "I love you."

"I love you." While Maka had insinuated it, made it known with touches and intent, hearing the words from her mouth even if they sounded rusty was better than any melody he'd ever heard.

"Say that one more time," Soul urged with every last ounce of his breath.

"I love you, Soul," another layer of rust was flaked away, the idea coming steady and easy to her.

"Then I guess… lesson number one," his laugh was still there but weaker. As soon as it left his lips she was pressing hers to his neck again. "You, um, ready?"

"Yes." She added a short nod but he needed all the surety he could get.

"Could you… you know how you were running your hand along my scar?"

"I can do that," she chirped happily as her fingers instantly went to work.

That brought a deep, rattling sigh under her gentle caress and he finally let his grip tighten to more than just holding his dick still. Soul was sure this could be over in a few careful strokes, between her touches egging him on and any of the last few make-out sessions as fodder, but a few seconds worth of instruction was nowhere near what Maka Albarn required. While the idea of it was awkward, he had to admit how naturally it fit the two of them, and he found more of the embarrassment easing from his chest.

"You don't have to be too soft with it," his voice started off as a mutter but as he warmed up it was practically a mission discussion. "But that's not saying you should jerk it around. You'll find a medium and… uh, I think it'll probably be different when it's your hand and not mine."

"Then what?" She made sure that was against his neck and her fingers were drifting dangerously low, hitting the line of his bellybutton with no restraint in sight.

"Up and down," he let a brief groan break his concentration as he started the motion. "You don't have to go too far down and you don't have to close over the top." It was the slowest glide he'd ever tried and he was still all pins and needles, having to force head clearing breath. It didn't work very well. "Oh, Maka," he let out as a shaking moan.

"Yes?"

That sweet curiosity made it worse and he had to pause, blowing out another long breath. "I'm not gonna be a good teacher," he muttered.

"What is it?" Oh, again, so cute and he had to bite his lip to keep another soft grunt at bay.

"You get the basics but nothing else," he squeezed the words through his grimaced teeth. "I'm… close."

"Then, could you…" and her hand left his chest and started to hover next to his. "Um, show me how tight?"

He swallowed, "Like your hand under mine?"

"Yes."

Soul held his breath and taking her hand had never been so anxiety producing. Her fingers were searing with heat and the flex of her grip was completely different, even with his hand over top. Everything about it felt unfamiliar but absolutely terrifyingly electric. It was suddenly not just something to be done but a definite necessity like breathing. "Please," he barely breathed out. Maka kissed his neck tenderly again and moved her hand up, letting him guide her almost to the tip. His grasp tightened and the next stroke had him humming out a moan. "Faster," he murmured and without his own hand urging it forward she was creating a rhythm that was driving him mad.

He had said close but now it felt almost impossible, too much to feel and memorize and need from her. It didn't feel like too much to ask that this last forever but there was no rational way to stop it. As she tilted her head, teasing at his lips as she snatched the bottom in her teeth, Soul came with a wild buck of his hips and a trembling groan against her smiling mouth. "Tell me, feels good or bad?" she murmured with far too much amusement for his liking and he forgot the mess in favor sucking every last bit of air from her with fiery kisses.

"Give me a second," he finally let out hoarsely as he barely released her. Soul leaned away, looking over the side of the bed for some wayward t-shirt and grasping at the first fabric he found. He sopped up the mess that had drizzled up his chest, cleaning his fingers and then hers. "Sorry."

She pressed next to his ear, "I want you to stop being sorry unless I tell you to be."

Soul snorted half a laugh as he tossed the t-shirt, "That's gonna require that you always tell me when I do something wrong."

Maka huffed and she pressed an aggressive hand to his chest. "I _try_."

"And sometimes you chop instead," he laughed.

She nuzzled her nose into his shoulder, "Or yell."

"You haven't." As the want was ebbing away his brain was putting things together, scanning over the last few weeks. "Lately. You've gotten better at not bottling."

She sighed a long breath of relief, "Because I don't want to push you away anymore."

Soul hummed out an affirmative as he pressed his lips to her forehead. "I like that." His fingers started a slow drift across her collarbone to the dip between her breasts. "So you'll tell me what I'm doing wrong?"

Maka shook her head as she moved her head to look in his eyes. "I'd rather show you how to do it right."

"Then take my hand." He let it inch lower, just letting it stop above the waistline of her pants.

"Should I… take off my pants?"

Soul had almost completely forgotten his own nakedness and as his eyes fell to her waistband he let an easy shrug roll his shoulders. "Whatever's more comfortable."

Naked had never been Maka's strong suit and while she managed to get out of her pajama pants her panties stayed put. She wasn't entirely sure both their hands would fit, since these weren't exactly a stretched out old pair, but it was where she had to start. Soul was entirely being Soul, patient, waiting, letting her grab the lead and his hand as she grazed his calloused fingers down into the fabric. "I'm… I'm not sure it's going to take that long for me either since, well, since we started it's been taking a lot less time."

"Less time?" he murmured absently as he tensed his fingers slightly without her guidance, finding a silky liquid saturating his fingertips.

A huff of air broke her lips and she pressed his fingers forward, encouraging the route they were already taking to split her lips. "After we make out it's… a lot easier. I'm already…"

"Horny," he teased.

"Sh-" but the rest of the word drizzled away as he brushed her clit. "Slow," she urged. "Rub small circles."

"Circles," he echoed in a happy kind of concentration that Maka recognized from practice, both in the field and at the piano. There was really no guiding him, or at least no need to as deft hands moved finely toned muscles. Between the guitar and piano, there was just about no spot of his hand that wasn't dexterous and Maka was reaping the benefits. Her fingers basically sat on top of his, tapping every now and then for added pressure. She was about to move him, to test out how his fingers felt inside of her when Soul ducked his head away from her to latch his teeth in the skin just below her collarbone.

It was a vibrant zing of electricity between the two spots and Maka's legs squirmed. She was clutching to the bed to keep some kind of grounding because his tongue was sliding down, grazing the swell of her breast until it reached the nipple. She tapped for more pressure and Soul obliged as he took her breast into his mouth, careful to avoid teeth but tease with his tongue. It only took another kiss, another latching on to her nipple with a testing suck before her hips were buckling, a rapturous cry belting from her throat. Her hand forced the motion to a stop between her legs.

Soul looked up at her inquisitively, a lazy smile forming just over the curve of her breast. "You always that loud?"

"No," she barely whimpered out, still catching her breath. And if Maka had the breath to ask him that question from the first night, she'd find out that as he looked up at her, eyes hazy with pleasure, he felt all sorts of powerful.


	10. The Pharmacy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seriously, I had so much fun writing this chapter.

At least twenty pharmacies existed in the general area, so as Soul walked into this one he didn't see the need to look up from his phone. There wasn't a reason why he shouldn't be able to sink into anonymity, focused only on the glowing screen as he shot another playful reply to Maka. That half dreamy smirk was pulling at the corners of his mouth and as he turned down the aisle he needed, his cheeks were already starting to pink at all the thoughts of her.

Because all of this was for her and that had steadied him to only a whisper of embarrassment, about the same as the multitude of times he'd been sent for tampons. At least that was all the expectations he had for this trip until he put his phone in his pocket to finally focus on the purpose at hand. Except, the purpose was obscured by a tall, lanky red-head that Soul would have sold his soul to avoid. It was obvious that those green eyes had been appraising Soul since he turned into the aisle and now as they met scarlet were narrowing, lips pinched tight to match.

 _Fucking. Kill. Me. Now._ The only clear option was to continue the straight line past him and hope that there was something that came along by the end of the aisle that wouldn't send Spirit into a tizzy. He _could_ grab the tampons, that was totally an option - _and now that I think about it maybe I should. It seems like there's never enough of the damn things anyway._ So, scratch that, he would grab tampons but the whole point, the entire purpose was what Spirit was standing in front of at that very moment. _But that's easy, just get what he'd only have a minor infarction about and then get the real deal tomorrow, or next week, or the next fucking time I know Spirit's busy so fate doesn't somehow fuck me again._

Because while Maka hadn't explicitly said it, the jump from no below-the-belt touching to practice to just about every other night screaming his name out had given him a taste of reality. They were completely a couple. A couple that was in love and exploring so… _the logical next step is sex._ _And while Stein was amiable when he suggested protection, something tells me he and Marie would murder me just as quickly as Spirit would if I fucked that part up._ Soul in his infinite need to plan for every contingency had come to the pharmacy with the express purpose of buying condoms, because even if they sat in the drawer of his bedside table for the next week, month, maybe even a year, he would just be happy to know he _had_ them.

Technically, it could wait, right?

Soul let the old programmed part of his brain take over, walking past Spirit to the end of the aisle to pick up the right color, count, and brand he'd been conditioned to buy and tucked it under his arm like he always did. Just because it wasn't _that_ embarrassing didn't mean he had to openly carry it. As he turned, he met eyes with Spirit again and Soul wasn't sure what it was about that stupid face or the shit-eating grin, or maybe it was all the times he'd made Maka cry or scream her head off and, well, that last little bit of giving a damn snapped.

On the walk back, Soul shifted to the other side of the aisle, just squeezing between the cornucopia of brightly colored boxes with evocative names and Spirit, and let his eyes fall just long enough to snatch a lovely lavender number called "For Her." Soul felt it, the immediate wave and he waited for the apt-to-fits Spirit to erupt like a not long-dormant volcano. He even contemplated shoplifting because there was no way Spirit was going to let him get away with standing in the check-out line. Except Soul had sealed the hands of fate when he grabbed that box and now this was the hill he would die on.

Silence eerily hung as Soul stood in line, his focus on the pimply cashier instead of the possibility that his least favorite helicopter parent was breathing curses down his neck. For a completely irrational moment, Soul let a second of calm come to his mind. _Maybe Spirit's over it. Maybe this was the last straw, he realizes I love his daughter and I'm literally trying to take care of her and maybe, just maybe, our personal lives don't include him and it's none of his damn business._ The delusion quickly faded, especially as he dropped the assortment on the counter and out of his periphery caught Spirit leaning in the exit doorway.

Now his only solace was calculating just how mad he was going to make Maka over the ten minutes it would take him to book it back to the apartment. As a hail-mary play he took out his phone as the cashier beeped each item through the scanner and typed with a sad finality, " _I love you."_ He pocketed his phone, paid for his goods, and snatched the bag off the counter.

A reticent Spirit followed him down the street, not steps behind and creepily stalking but outright shoulder to shoulder, oddly mimicking Soul's usual hands-jammed-in-pockets hunch as he walked. For a fleeting moment, Soul was almost home free, the icy silence stretching for the first eight agonizing minutes of the walk. Instead, as he could actually see the door to the stairwell for their apartment, the biting, venomous words came from Spirit's mouth, "Does Maka know you bought those?"

A million implications dances across Soul's mind. _Do you honestly still think your daughter's some delicate angel? That I would take advantage of her in some way? That somehow the feelings aren't mutual? Or-_ The worst of it all washed over him and Soul turned scarlet from his throat to the tips of his ears as he held in a breath to try to attempt to break the horrific swell on his tongue. As he unlocked the outside door, throwing it open and slamming a fist into the frame, there wasn't enough strength left to hold in the air. "I'm not you, Spirit. It's not like I need them for somebody other than the woman I love."

Spirit was still, even when the door clacked shut between them. It wasn't exactly a proud moment but Soul took it, using the time to dash up the stairs and to the door, hoping he could at least get in, at least stash the goods before the inevitable crash of her father at the door. He was frantic to unlock it and with all his rattling by the time it opened, Maka was there to greet him, raised eyebrows and a tentative smile. "What happened to you?" It was mostly playful but as he slammed the door behind him it started to fade.

Soul grabbed her by the cheeks, the bag and its contents smacking lightly against her shoulder as he captured her lips in a desperate kiss.

Maka planted her hands on his chest, tightening into his shirt with the pleasure of it until she had to knock those fists against his chest to insist on air. After a deep breath, she whispered dreamily, "What was that for?"

"Because you're about to be pissed with me," he muttered just in time for the sharp knock at the door.

She spent another second looking over his face, her eyebrows furrowing, before side-stepping him to get to the door, opening it slowly to expose Spirit in the doorway. "Oh, Papa, hi. Is everything OK?"

Spirit's glare was burrowing steadily through the door. "I need to talk to you."

"Sure, Papa," Maka took a step back but Spirit didn't follow and while he offered a quick flick of his glance to his daughter, she finally realized the look wasn't for her.

"Sorry, honey, not you. Soul."

Maka looked between the two of them, "What's-"

"Just give me a sec," Soul whispered as he handed off the bag. _May as well just rip off the entire bandaid, let her be mad about all of it if she's gonna be._ He squeezed out the door into the hallway and shut it behind him before jamming his hands in his pockets. At least he still had the balls to look Spirit in the eyes. "I can guess what your gonna say but do me a favor and keep your damn voice down, Maka's-"

Spirit cut him off with exactly the voice Soul had asked for, a low hum that might reach the door but nothing further. "Can you give me a real answer to my question?"

Soul blinked at him before matching his tone, "No. I didn't talk to her about it, but that doesn't mean I wasn't gonna and it doesn't mean it's any of your damn business."

"Talk to her," Spirit offered back simply and Soul began to contemplate whether or not he'd actually died on the walk back from the pharmacy, if this wasn't a bloodstained dream while he died in the gutter on the side of the road from some freak accident. While he sat in that weird fugue state, Spirit fed it with more soft words. "Look, getting along isn't our thing, never going to happen, and you better not be thinking we're having some kind of heart-to-heart, father-son talk right now because I'll be damned if-" Spirit cut himself off with a sigh before running his fingers through his hair. "She's so strong. I know she is. Stronger than me, than her mother put together."

The next sigh came with such a weight that Soul felt it sit heavily in his chest. "At the same time, she _needs_ you. Has since, well, since forever. And instead of growing out of it, she's grown _into_ it which as a dad is probably the most terrifying thing to see - watching your daughter go from having a crush to being in love," he finished that with glum finality as he looked almost in need of commiseration Soul couldn't give. "So any… _steps_ forward, any moves in this relationship," that word made him falter from the nail in his gut, "just do it the way you always have: when you're both ready. When you're together and have confidence in each other."

Soul waited, counting each pump of his heart as it thundered in his ears with strangely alternating anger and confusion. "I'm… I'm not just some hormonal asshole," he muttered, and while he expected a snap back got a weak smile from Spirit. "I love her, too, and I'm not gonna hurt her. Not like that. So forget it. Don't fucking worry about it because I was gonna do that with or without your _unsolicited_ advice."

Spirit snorted a laugh that was barely more than a huff of air. "Maybe you'll get it when you have kids. Which'll be never, got that? I'm too young to be a grandfather."

The scarlet was back to his cheeks and Soul swatted the air in hopes of defeating the words before they settled into his ears. "Can I go back to my life now?" He grimaced as he started to squeeze past Spirit and only getting the door open an inch before Spirit's foot got in the way.

"Just don't ever let her be scared, got that?" Spirit didn't wait for an answer, especially since Soul's face told him there wasn't one besides more confusion.

Soul stood in the half-open door for another minute, watching the red hair fade to the end of the hallway and into the stairwell. He tossed a sigh as well as the idea in his brain as he slipped back into the apartment. Maka was right past the door, sitting on the floor of the entryway with each box set in front of her like a riddle. Her green eyes batted up at him patiently and Soul settled down to the floor in front of her. "I don't know where to start," Maka let a few giggles follow that before letting a finger prod at the plastic shrink wrap around the light purple box.

He put a hand over hers, forcing those fingers to cover the black lettering on top. "I bought those because I don't want you to worry, to be scared." Under the weight of his hand, he pressed the box towards her. "Not that I'm not scared because I definitely… well, I can't plan for everything, but at least I can do this. When we want to, when we're ready, it's here. That's all I wanted."

"Security," Maka nodded thoughtfully. "Especially since you know your meister likes to jump headfirst."

Soul snorted a laugh, "That's kinda your thing. One of the things I love about you."

"And this is your thing," she tapped a careful finger under his palm. "One of the things I love about you."

He hid the happy little sigh with a clearing of his throat. "I just… well, I sorta bought those in front of your dad."

"Idiot," Maka chided with a roll of her eyes. "And I bet you didn't have to, you just got defensive."

"Wouldn't say defensive," Soul grimaced. "Maybe…?"

"Defiant?" Maka offered playfully. "Oppositional?" As he huffed away she laughed, moving her hand with his overtop to the other box. "And this one?"

"'Cuz," he dropped the word with the rest quickly falling after in a low grumble, "Maybe I almost didn't buy the condoms because I saw him but then I kind of, dunno, lost it."

"Why'd you lose it?" Maka peered closely at his face especially as Soul tried to hide under the mop of his hair.

"You just didn't see his face, OK?" Soul snapped.

"You two are going to have to grow up," Maka said with a sigh. "Someday."

Soul let out a languishing sigh before leaning into the wall, his head thunking against it roughly. "What's the punishment?"

Maka let out a long, thoughtful hum as her finger pressed to her chin. "A video."

He raised his eyebrows.

"Do you want me to pick the topic or you?" He had an itching feeling that while there was sweetness in her smile the baseline was deviant, a devil wearing a halo.

Soul cleared his throat, trying to buy time as she continued to shine a deceptively tender smile his way. _No matter what I'll regret it, right?_ "You."

That was the correct answer as the grin turned to beaming. "Why you want to have sex."


	11. Pushing Boundaries

The message pinged about an hour after dinner. Soul had dutifully gone to his room and Maka had curled up on the couch with her book, getting lost in a R.S. Belcher's steampunk wild west world that she almost couldn't surface from except when she saw his name pop up and didn't hear a peep from his room. _He's hiding, waiting, seeing if his punishment is complete._ It wasn't a gleeful thought since controlling him wasn't the goal, but half a mournful sigh because she still felt like straight up asking him would have resulted in, well, not half as much as he'd give her when he could ramble to a screen.

Maka moved the headphones from the coffee table to her ears, clicked on the link, and let it play.

Soul cleared his throat, "I know you said _why I want to have sex_ , but I want to start with something else and I know you'll listen because if there's one thing you've shown me in all this that it's the fact you're willing to hear me out to the end." The most adorable smirk parted his lips just for a minute and it melted the last little bit of trepidation in her heart. "I want to start with _why I don't._ "

He paused and his hands rubbed over his thighs a few times, ironing out the non-existent creases in his basketball shorts. "I don't want to just because our friends think we should, or have been talking about it because I bet even though you haven't said anything the girls probably have their opinions and I know I haven't said anything about it but the boys do." His hands came up innocently suddenly, shaking in a frantic wave. "Not that I told them _anything_. Not about that stuff since, like I said, it's nobody's business, but I know they all assume, or at least that knucklehead you don't want me to name does."

Maka huffed in agreement.

"I think I already made it pretty clear I don't want to just because we got protection," he sighed. "And I know you're probably dying to know what your dad chewed me out for so… I don't want to until we've actually talked about whether or not we're really ready and _no_ , I don't think I'm off the hook for making this." Soul paused to laugh at himself, shocked that the words actually got out of his mouth. "I want to say I don't want to if you're scared of it, even a little bit, but to be honest, I think… I think I am afraid and I don't know how to not be afraid of it."

His fingers were busy again, tapping and then digging into the fabric of his shorts. "Because there's nothing left after that, you know? You'd be my first and…" He cursed under his breath a few times as he wiped a hand over his face. "It's crazy, but I'd want you to be my last, or at least that's what it feels like. You're important to me, _this_ would be important to me and it's not something I just want to do to check a box." He laughed weakly, "Death, I hope you don't think this is fucking melodramatic."

Soul paused again to let that hand drift through his hair and ease a few breaths in and out. "So, _why I want to_. Let's start with all the shit you're going to roll your eyes at: You're fucking _hot_. I hope you're getting blushy instead of pissy as I say this but the way I _imagined_ your body versus what it actually is?" He let out a long, low whistle. "I'm embarrassed at how much I underestimated you. The real thing's a million times better."

Maka was most definitely pink in the cheeks rather than red in the face and she bit her lip to keep in another one of those contented squeals.

"So yeah, there's that," he chuckled. "Then there's the fact, and I hope you're nodding along with this, that I trust us. We're in sync, always have been and this aspect of us doesn't seem to be any different. Which means no matter what could go wrong, we'll deal with it, and you know I've thought of every possible _wrong_." He started displaying fingers with each point on the list as she heard him straining to keep that panic in his voice at bay. "I could definitely hurt you because who the fuck knows if, well, I don't know. I heard it can hurt girls the first time and that's fucking terrifying. Or what if I can't? What if I choke and ruin things because my damn head runs away with me?"

"And total, probably irrational panic, what if you get pregnant?" There he couldn't stop the rise in his voice, the not so manly tightened pitch. "I mean, we'd use protection, obviously, but shit happens, right? And… you know I love you but I'm definitely not in any way, shape, or form ready for that. I'm not." He let a grumbling rise in his chest before he sighed the rest out. "Sorry, got side-tracked. Just… you gotta know I've thought about all of it. Every last bit of it. And I think we should keep talking about it. I don't think it's a now, this minute thing. And that's because, well, it doesn't matter what the _don'ts_ or _want tos_ are since at the end of the day, I'm happy with what we have. Plus, I got a lot to work on still, considering I'm saying this to the damn camera again instead of to your cute fucking face."

He let one last aching grin hit his lips before he turned off the video.

Maka forced her fingers to slowly put down the phone, gently pull out the earbuds, and let careful, calm footsteps bring her to his bedroom. The door was closed so she behaved, knocking lightly.

"Yeah?"

She loved the mixture of hope and nerves in his voice and that broke the spell of curbing her joy. Maka tossed open the door and just as he was looking at her wide-eyed and concerned she jumped onto his bed, forcing him into an instantaneous tangle of limbs.

"What's this for?" he murmured, in no way unsettled by the idea of being wrapped up in her but playing it safe.

Maka pressed a sweet sigh into his neck and wrapped her arms around him to practically squeeze the air out of him. "Because all the things that you're afraid to say to me are always all the things I need to hear."

"Don't take this the wrong way," he murmured and clutched her tighter as if he could hold her reaction in. "I… get scared about your reaction. That's what stops it most of the time. Because I know the second I see something my brain could tell me was fear or hatred or disgust I'm just gonna grab it and go. Because…" _Lock and key, fucking lock and key._ "That's what I had to do with my mom. Always plan for the worst fucking thing and always look for the tiniest speck of annoyance."

Her fingers were desperate to soothe, running gently over the line of his jaw as he refused to let her get a look at his face. "Do I… remind you of her?"

"No," he laughed ruefully. "Just… I always wanted her to love me so bad so I guess… I wanted the same thing from you so I tried the same tactics. Just took me too long to realize that's not what it takes to make you love me."

"I'm sorry," she pressed the words a couple of times into his neck as the realization crept up her spine like a slow frost. "I'm so sorry because when I think about it, that means it must have been the worst when I held it in, when I exploded at you instead of just being truthful about everything."

"Nothin' really out of the ordinary," he sighed. "And like I said, you're getting better at that, so-"

"No, Soul," she urged back as she forced him to finally relent on his hold, getting those piercing green eyes right to his. "I don't want you wiping it under the rug. You weren't wrong, you have things to work on but I think, no, _I know_ I do, too. We should both before we, well, have sex," that last bit came out closer to a soft whisper, and no matter how much he internally admonished himself Soul laughed. "Soul!"

"Sex," he said loudly. "Sometime we're going to have _sex_ , Maka. Maybe when you can say the word above a whisper."

"You're mean." She tried to turn her head and pout but he stopped the momentum with a steady palm to her cheek, forcing her head back so he could catch her lips.

It was a slow, decided kiss, one that he'd held on to since this all started, the one that he hoped spelled the words out just as much as them coming off his lips. "I love you."

* * *

Maka could see his eyebrows working in her periphery so she let her book settle into her lap. She had been completely sure he'd been dead asleep a minute ago but now his eyes were burning a hole into the ceiling. As the text hit her thighs, the sound of the thump brought that confused stare to her. "What's the deal with the panties?"

Those words may as well have been another language and Maka studied them just as hard as his face. "Excuse me?"

"Your panties. You never take them off." It was no longer a question but a simple statement and he gave her a short reprieve by going back to investigating the ceiling as he propped his hands behind his head. "Is it…" the pause was deadly and each second of it stole another molecule of air from her lungs. "Is it that shit from when we were younger? The stupid shit I used to call you?"

Her lips tightened before she forced the words, "No, it's not that."

"Because that was stupid, Maka," Soul sighed at himself and Maka was happy for his scrutiny to be somewhere else. "I didn't mean any of it and-"

"Really, Soul, it's not that," she edged in. No matter the relief at the idea that he might forget his original vein, Maka couldn't let him fall into self-deprecation.

Those smoldering orbs found their mark again, sizzling right into her heart as he turned his head to her. "Then…?"

"Um…" Maka wanted to hold the hum forever but it only lasted until she sucked in another breath. "I don't… it feels like that if we're both naked then…" A tiny frustrated choke of air stuck in her throat and she scratched her nails into her book cover, trying to find relief in the resistance. "What's stopping us?"

"From having sex?"

Maka nodded.

Soul shelved the laugh, the opportunity to tease her about the word definitely asking for trouble. "We are."

She was stupefied by the quick answer and the way he delivered it as if it were another commandment. "We are what?"

"Stopping us," this came just as fast at the tail-end of her question. "You don't want to, we don't. I don't want to, we don't. You think I can't control myself with your panties off?"

"Well, no," Maka murmured.

No matter how much he tried to deny it, his smirk surfaced, the sharky gleam of his teeth hinting out the side. "And you? You gonna be able to control yourself with your panties off?"

A tomato was a shade lighter than her cheeks and she let out a simple hiss of "Soul!" before she turned her head away. She waited for him to stop chuckling, a feat that took a few more seconds longer than it should have, before she muttered, "How did you even think of that anyway?"

"Have to do laundry." She brought her eyes back to him in time to see him easily roll his shoulders.

Maka blinked at him before snapping incredulously, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Was gonna ask you if you needed something thrown in," he sighed with everyday ennui. "Then I remembered the first time I did that, and you accidentally gave me a pair of jeans to wash but you left your panties in them-"

"Soul!" The blush had no hopes of receding.

"I didn't keep 'em or anything," he barked back. "And you didn't even notice. I washed 'em and threw 'em in your drawer. But the point is, the panties. Can you work towards losing 'em?"

"Why?" The delicate warble of her voice made his smirk explode.

At the same time, a thin pink was dusting his cheeks and his eyes were back to finding solace in the ceiling. "I want to try something."

"Not sex?"

"Technically," Soul cleared the tightness in his throat. "Oral sex."

Her cool fingers were nowhere near enough to dissipate the heat even though her fingers tried with the futility of a squirt gun against a five-alarm fire. "Like your mouth, um, down there?"

"Yeah," the surety in that was broken only slightly by the crack in his voice and Soul found himself rushing for the rest, "Because I think it'd be good and if you don't like it we'd never have to do it again but you and me we've been _trying_ things so, it's just-"

"You'd want to?" She cut off his ramblings only to add her own, "It's not… I mean, it's… I guess if I showered or…"

Soul sat up, his hands spreading innocently. "Just think about it, Maka, it's another one of those things that don't have happen now."

That settled with her just as well as heartburn and Soul watched her fidget with it in her mind and with her legs. She was putting aside her book just as he was about to start again, to reiterate his point, but Maka did exactly what she always does best and obliterated it. Her hands were under her skirt in a flash and as she tilted her hips the delicate pink clothed peeked out but instead of tossing them off, something Soul would assume someone would do in a sultry vixen act, she clenched them tightly in her fist.

Soul got up from the couch, took three decided steps before he was close enough to unfurl her fingers, taking the fabric from her. He knelt and as her eyes looked anywhere but his Soul carefully one by one put her legs back in, pulling them as far as he could until they hit her thighs. "Maka," he said sharply, "you're scared."

"I…" And maybe over and over again in her head, it was playing that same old tune of _I'm courageous_ , but that didn't put a dent in the feeling. Neither had the words, the way she'd described it because maybe it had always seemed black and white, naked and clothed, sex and not but what if it was other things, too? _But he wants it and if we're not having sex, if we're not, if we're not-_

He scooped her up, not concerned with the way her panties fell back to the ground but the way she seemed just as flimsy, crumpling into his arms with her face pressed against his neck. "We don't do anything, not if you're scared," the firm baritone buzzed against her chest and she just wanted to sink into it.

"Maybe it more than the sex," she whispered.

Soul's hands were quietly searching her back, finding spaces to soothe as he waited for more. When nothing came he pressed a soft kiss to her temple. "You know what that more is?"

"No," she warbled.

"That's fine," he murmured as he let his lips feather over her skin again. "Come over to the couch. I want to hold you. Watch a movie. I want… I told you I like what we have. That's what I want."

She nodded against his chest and he slowly released her to smooth a hand over her hair as she leaned to fix her panties back into place. He didn't wait for her eyes or her attention, just taking her now still hands to bring her to the couch and get her to collapse into him. Chests together, he tried to bring her breathing back in tune with his, and even though he flicked the TV on in the background it wasn't for any particular viewing. He was too busy watching her, driving off any tears that hit her cheeks with devoted fingers.

* * *

Soul loved sucking those last few desperate cries from her lips, feeling the way the air quaked between their mouths as his fingers finished their favorite job. He slipped his hand out of her panties, letting it clutch at her hip and pull her over on top of him. Maka's chest was still heaving, puffs of air hitting his neck until she sweetly calmed it with a sigh. "I love you."

"Love you, too."

"I love this," she murmured again as her hand snaked up into his hair.

He hummed out happily in agreement.

"I love your hair."

A chuckle vibrated between them, "Now you're just getting ridiculous."

"No, I do," she urged. "One of my top ten favorite parts."

She couldn't see the devious smirk that started on his lips. "What happens if I cut it?"

"No!" Her head popped up and her hand sunk desperately into a clump.

His chest rattled with laughter. "Deal-breaker?"

"Soul, don't even joke!" She was practically shaking his head in her hand as she narrowed her eyes at him.

"So you really just love me for my looks," he cooed as he tilted his lips up, just brushing the struggling frown on hers.

After the feathery touch, it broke into a grin, "Top ten."

Soul's grunt was almost a chuckle as she settled back and let their noses touch. "What else?"

"Do I like about you?"

He shook his head, nuzzling their noses together, "Deal-breakers."

She hummed out thoughtfully, "Losing the motorcycle."

"Nah, never."

"No tattoos."

"No?" Soul snorted. "What if I wanted one?"

There were a few breath's worth of a pause as she pulled away to study him. "Where?"

Most of the humor faded from his face, serious lines of thought radiating across his forehead before he answered, "My ass." Maka erupted into laughter and he savored the joy on her face, soaking it up like sunshine. "What? You don't want me to get your name?"

"Absolutely _not_ ," she managed before a few more giggles snuck out. "And definitely not across your ass." She tried to clear her throat to chase off the hysterics but a few more still trickled out. "OK, no face or neck tattoos. Maybe elsewhere is OK. _Not_ my name."

"Your face?" he offered.

"No," she rolled her eyes.

"Just like that," he reached up a hand and nudged her nose with his finger. "Mid-eye roll. Perfect."

"Deal-breaker," she spat back.

Soul let that hand drift, pushing back her bangs and then running through her hair before dancing over her bare back. "What about… a serious one."

"A serious deal-breaker?" Even with the furnace that was his chest running between them, she was worried about the sudden chill dampening the laughter than had just filled the room. "Well, the obvious stuff. No cheating."

"Never," he murmured.

"No keeping big secrets," she didn't necessarily like that so quickly amended, "Like we used to. No keeping them and not working on it."

"Fine," he nodded.

"No… I don't know," she narrowed her eyes at him. "What about you?"

"Obvious stuff," he broke the thought with a swallow and Maka waited. The words were swelling on his tongue just like the joy in her heart because she could feel it just as much as see him trying to say it. It was another lock crumbling. "Don't ever say you hate me. Like in a fight or… Death, that's fucking stupid, I know you wouldn't, but-"

"Not stupid," she broke the words and the worry with a swift brush of her lips to his. "I can say things I don't mean. And it hasn't happened in a while but that doesn't mean we're not ever going to get heated with one another but… not that, Soul. Definitely never that. I couldn't. Even if any of those deal-breakers happen, I couldn't."

Soul let out a short, sharp sigh as he sought comfort straight from her mouth like the words weren't enough. He left her breathless and in return offered, "Thanks."

Maka let her head drop against his chest, feeling the pattern of the beats echo in her own heart. "Is it getting easier?"

"Telling you?"

"Yeah."

His hands massaged into her back, gripping and pulling the warmth from her. "It's scary."

"I know it is, Soul, but-"

"Nah," he cut her off. "It's scary how easy it's getting."


	12. All I Need

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **sexual content** ahead!

Under the tree at the far end of campus was the meeting place for serious discussions only but the mood seemed anything but. Liz was running her fingers through Maka's hair, untangling the last of its knots before she'd start the process of braiding while Tsubaki laid on her stomach in the grass next to them, a manga open but not actively being read between her arms. Liz had been talking aimlessly about her last few dates, giving half-hearted details without much enthusiasm.

"I don't know, Liz," Tsubaki started gently. "It just seems like they're never enough for you."

"I have _standards_ ," Liz sighed.

"Or she's just used to her high-maintenance meister," Maka snorted a laugh.

Liz was quick to give her hair a little tug, "Hey!"

"I think she _likes_ high-maintenance," Tsubaki sang.

"Not every weapon has to fall for their meister," Liz grumbled as she shot furrowed glares at both of them. "It doesn't help that two out of three of us here have. _Ugh_ , the odds are not in my favor."

"I think it's natural for a weapon and meister to fall in love," Maka murmured and both girls answered with quick whistles.

"Maka Albarn!" Liz cooed, "Absolutely unbelievable. Soul has performed a miracle."

"Shut up," Maka tried to make it sound biting but the sweet smile and blush to match dissolved any power behind the words. She turned her head, Liz obliging by moving the braiding process. "How's it going with Black Star, Tsu?"

Tsubaki smiled sweetly, "He's a little dense about a few things, but… he always listens, you know? Sometimes I think he almost takes it as seriously as training. _Almost_."

"Dense about what?" Maka was keeping Liz in the corner of her eye, waiting for her to tie off the braid before joining Tsubaki in the grass.

"Oh, just the emotional stuff," Tsubaki shrugged. "He understands the physical parts. The kissing, the-" She cut herself off, a blush touching her cheeks.

"The what?" Liz teased as she laid down to create the triangle of faces and the way they most often transferred secrets.

"Well…"

"Does that mean you two have…?" Maka always choked on the word and somewhere she could hear Soul laughing at her.

Tsubaki offered a quick nod before hiding her colored cheeks in her hands.

"When?" Liz practically shrieked as she reached out a hand to shake Tsubaki's shoulder.

She picked her head up and while the blush was still vibrant her smile was even better. "Um… we've been _physical_ for a few months now but last week… I guess I got a little carried away and…"

"You?" Maka almost choked on the word. "You mean, he didn't? You asked?"

"Why shouldn't she?" Liz shook her head at Maka.

"Not saying _shouldn't_ , but…" Maka huffed as she dropped her chin on her fist. "How did you _know_?"

Tsubaki blinked slowly, her mind weaving together the words carefully before letting them leave her lips. "I guess I didn't. I know he loves me. I know he'd do anything I needed. So I guess I just assumed both of those things would make the rest of it alright. And, well, it does help that he's…" she sighed wistfully to end as a little more pink hit her cheeks.

"Oh," Liz nudged her again as she elongated the vowel. "I never actually pictured Black Star as _attentive_ but I guess he's a little different one on one?"

"Much different," Tsubaki sighed sweetly. "But he kind of forgets that showing he loves me doesn't mean he doesn't have to say it, too."

"More sexual than intimate?" Liz offered.

Tsubaki pondered that for a moment before nodding slowly. "He's intense, just like you'd expect him to be, and he always makes sure that I'm… happy but after he kind of just jumps up, back to business as usual and I, well, I kind of had to sit him down and tell him. He just didn't realize. Didn't even think about it."

"And now?" Maka encouraged her with a hand reaching across the divide, touching at her fingers gently.

"He's getting better," Tsubaki smiled with a tilt of her head. "Everytime he stays put for just a little longer. Guess he has to just be conditioned." She added a soft laugh. "But you and Soul…?"

Maka shook her head swiftly. "Not to say that we haven't talked about it."

"Talked," Liz huffed. "First you two spend _years_ pining over each other."

"But that's how they are," Tsubaki shot back. "It wouldn't be Maka and Soul if they didn't argue something to death before they did it."

Maka didn't know whether to blush or to sigh so she settled somewhere in between with a still delicate curl of happiness to her lip. "Um, actually… so…" She started but stopped, letting her eyes dart between each girl and seeing the sweet, soothing understanding instead of hard stares. "He wants to… try oral."

"He wants to eat you out," Liz corrected. Maka turned a particular shade of scarlet and her mouth gaped once or twice before slapping back shut. Both girls just raised their eyebrows, waiting for the complication but when nothing came Liz murmured, "And you don't want to?"

"I…" Maka pursed her lips together before blurting the painful admission. "I can't get used to the idea of him _looking_ at it."

"Well, it is kind of up-close and personal," Liz muttered with a shrug. "But, and I really hope the answer is no or I'll kill him, but he hasn't reacted in any _bad_ way about any other part of you, has he?"

Her head shook firmly before that smile crinkled a little on her lips, "He called me hot."

Tsubaki and Liz twittered into laughter, collapsing into each other with amusement. "Oh, Maka, you little vixen," Liz teased.

"Stop it," Tsubaki nudged her. "Then what is it about him looking at you? I mean, he's seen everything at this point, hasn't he?"

Maka worried at her lower lip before sighing, "I don't take my underwear off."

"Oh," Tsubaki came back quickly. "But just the underwear?"

"Yes."

"And he's definitely had a hand in that underwear," Liz didn't make that a question, filling her voice with incredulity that made Maka's blush worsen.

"And it's not just the looks," Maka's voice shrunk to a murmur. "It's all of it. What if… what if it's not good? The first step we kind of taught each other but this part? It's not like he can show me how to…"

"Blow him," Liz finished unceremoniously. "Because if he does it to you, you have to do it back, huh?"

Maka sighed, "Yes."

Tsubaki smiled with the radiance of an automatic answer on her tongue. "I think all you need to do is what you always do."

"What's that?" Maka murmured with a twinge of wonder especially as that grin on Tsubaki's face stretched to all-knowing.

"You boss each other around," Tsubaki replied with a laugh. "How many times have you critiqued each other? I don't think there's one fight where you don't come back at each other with notes."

"But that's work, fighting," she sighed back.

Liz shook her head, "Not different. Since I'm pretty sure all of the above require that you respect and care about each other enough to take and dish out the criticism."

A fluttering sigh left her lips as she remembered all his little moments, all the slowdowns, all the testing the water of her feelings before giving in to his urges. Maybe it all just was that simple.

"Hey," Soul shouted up from the bottom of the hill, making all the girls jump. "You done pickin' Maka's guts? I need her for just a second."

"Picking your guts?" Tsubaki shook her head before giggling.

"What kind of friends does he think we are?" Liz grumbled.

Maka offered them a laugh before getting to her feet. "Be right back."

Soul offered her a hand before she was even halfway there and Maka skipped down the rest to get to it quickly, a tight hold of her fingers betraying him almost immediately. "Kid wants me to do a mission with him so I'm going, probably a couple days."

"And I'm guessing it's right now?" Maka couldn't help the forlorn lilt to her voice.

"'Course," he muttered. "Don't laugh at me but as soon as he said it I couldn't help but think I was gonna miss you."

Maka betrayed him, letting a soft giggle leave her throat at the utter relief of it all, the instantaneous reminder of how deep his love was.

"I told you not to laugh," he grumbled as he pulled her a step closer. His other hand touched tentatively to her cheek. "Maybe I should of just-"

She easily bridged the gap as she pressed up on her toes to meet his lips. Her heart twittered happily as he slid that hand from her cheek to her hair, keeping her to him long enough to deepen the kiss regardless of the wolf whistles calling in the background. "I'll miss you too."

Soul grunted, "Why'd you have to kiss me like that and make it worse?"

Her smile was beaming but she was forced to hide it in his shirt, wrapping her arms around his waist. "You were going to kiss me goodbye anyway, weren't you?"

"Maybe." His arms tightened around her as he let his lips linger at her hairline, leaving another soft kiss there. "I'll see you when I get home."

She took one more deep breath of him, trying to soak up every last bit of his warmth. "I'll be waiting."

* * *

Soul woke up to the same strange ceiling, the room only illuminated by the red numbers on the clock mocking him with 3 AM. This was his first night's sleep in a bed in 2 weeks, that stupid couple of days worth of a mission turning into crossing two country borders. He should have been restfully snoozing but his mind couldn't stop bringing up her, touching her skin, kissing her lips, and - with a sigh full of futility, Soul rolled to his side and picked up his phone. He calculated the time difference groggily before giving up and just clicking on her name.

It rang twice before the pick-up, an immediate, "Are you OK?" filling his ear.

"Fine," he murmured through a crooked smile.

"It's late where you are, isn't it? Why aren't you sleeping?" Her voice was rising with each accusation and Soul couldn't find it anything but cute.

"Was trying, it didn't work out," he sighed. "Kept thinking about you."

"Oh," all of momming came to an immediate halt.

"I'm exhausted," he laughed softly, "I feel like I still reek from the pine needles we've been sleeping on for a week since the sap is fucking everywhere and we've still got searching to do tomorrow with no promising leads but… all my brain wants to do is think about kissing you." The sigh that erupted from the other side of the line made it worse, just imagining that longing look on her face. Soul tried to clear it all away. "Just tell me about your day. You home? How was school?"

"Fine, but… um, are you _alone_?"

"I'm not keeping Kid up or anything," Soul snorted a laugh. "All those times we had to bunk together but going out with the boss means you get a private room. Guess he doesn't want to keep you up all night as he rearranges for symmetry."

Her sweet giggle filled his ear but it was cut off by another hum. "Soul, can we talk about something?"

"Uh, yeah," Soul started cautiously. He was hoping just for the everyday pleasantries, hearing her voice, and maybe the last thing his sleep needed was one of her soul-searching endeavors.

"Could you… explain that thing you wanted to try?"

Soul squinted into the darkness, wondering how much of his mind was still asleep as he couldn't seem to put her words together. "What thing?"

"Eating me out."

He shot up straight in the bed, pinching his leg in the process since this _had_ to be a dream. _She doesn't even know that phrase. There's no fucking way in hell. I'm dreaming, I'm sleeping, and this is just one of those stupid-_ but the pain was real and so was the impatient clearing of her throat on the other end. "What do you want to know?" His chest felt tight but the lack of oxygen wasn't diminishing his blood flow and he was suddenly uncomfortably aware of how much he had been thinking of her.

"You should tell me what it'd be like."

"Would that… make you less scared?" Soul offered with a slow swallow.

A sweet happy hum slipped past his ear, "Yes, and I think maybe it'll help you relax."

 _Relax?_ Soul could have shrieked it out with all the nerves jangling through him.

"So while you describe it," Maka broke through his panic with a whisper, "while you think about me, you should do whatever feels good."

"Whatever feels good," Soul echoed almost as a question before the next barely eked out, "Are we… are you going to _relax_ too?"

"I'm going to try," her voice was small but oh so mighty in his ears, making a shiver run down his spine.

 _We're having phone sex. For Death's sake don't say that but that's what this is, isn't it? She's going to and you're going to and…_ Soul sucked in a desperate breath of air. "I'd, uh, well…" It took another slow inhale before Soul could convince his mind to edge something close to clear, or at the very least concentrated on his task. _This is just like practice, just imaginary first rather than the real thing. Convince her the trial run is worth it._ "I'd start like I always do because I have to. There's no other way I _want_ to because I like the way you run your fingers through my hair and that sigh you always do the first time my hand gets under your shirt."

"I have a sigh?" she asked dreamily.

"Yeah," he chuckled. "It's the same one every time. It's you unwinding and I love it." And just on cue, she produced it in his ear. "That's it." He chased it with his own as his hand drifted down his leg.

"Less unwinding, more winding up," she corrected. He didn't know how close he was to mirroring her move but he lacked Maka's bravery, her hand already caressing over her panties.

"Which means you're… oh fuck, Maka, this is ridiculous but I need you to just come out and say it."

"I'm turned on," Maka said with a short laugh, "and I hope you're doing the same thing I'm doing, OK?"

"Fuck," he expelled as he finally allowed his hand to venture into his boxers. "OK, alright, I just… I miss you, I do, and I don't want you to think-"

"Soul," Maka corrected sharply. "I asked you to explain, not apologize."

"Right." Soul forced his breath to slow and tried to focus on her body, the curves and intricacies he'd been devoted to memorizing. "I want to kiss the inside of your thigh." He let that sit in the air for a second, waiting for the proverbial Maka-chop even long distance. When nothing came he let the rest that had been waiting on the tip of his tongue go. "Make a line from your knee to, um, I guess however far you'd let me get."

"In this scenario, panties are off…" Maka trailed off with a sigh, another one of _those_ sighs and he let it feed the tension in his fingers.

Soul grunted, "I want to… take them off you. I want to run my hands down your thighs and… Do you know how beautiful your legs are? They're perfect. And I want to see if you can stand the teeth or if I'm just kissing the inside of your leg until you can't take it anymore." There was a fleeting second of guilt but it fizzled with her soft moan in his ear as he slid his hand up smoothly. It wasn't half as good as her fingers had become and there was a loneliness to it but he still let out a contented groan. "But I want to know what you taste like. I want to slide my tongue along to see where you react because you always tell me. Your body, your soul, all of it, you always let me know what you need."

"Soul…" but it wasn't one of her lustful moans of his name but a comfort and ease he wasn't ready for.

He paused in his need. "Yeah, Maka?"

"You'd tell me too, right?"

"Fuck yeah," he laughed softly. "And, to be honest, what I need is you. That's it. Everything else is extra and even if just let me get a taste and then we're back to the fingers I don't give a damn."

"Back on track, Soul," she murmured playfully.

"Right," he laughed softly as he started to stroke again. "Oh, Death," he had to pause at the tip as he felt the blush flush his face, "You think it'd feel better to lick or to suck?"

"Both," her voice was breathless and it was followed by a catching moan.

 _Oh, fucking Death I said it and she's into it. She's… shut up in here and get your lips moving!_ "It's my tongue between your legs but don't think I forgot about my fingers, the way to hit that one spot that makes you tremble." He couldn't concentrate on himself for even a second, hearing the irregular pattern in her breath over the line. "Oh, Maka, if I was fucking there I'd be biting your lip right now, ready to catch that moan I know you're about to make. _Do it_." Soul surprised himself with the order but it only lasted momentarily, the her bright half-yelp breaking over the line.

"Soul," she murmured sweetly. "You didn't, did you?"

"Uh," Soul looked down with a hint of chagrin. "Nah, got a little too interested in you for a second."

"That's so _you_."

"That better be a good thing," he grumbled.

"It is," she laughed softly. "But I want you to get interested in yourself for a second." He let out a trembling sigh as he let his hand fall back into that pre-Maka pattern. He tried to let that moan echo in his mind but her whisper started in his ear just as loudly, "What if I… do you think you'd like my mouth better than my hand?"

That idea alone earned a warbling groan from his mouth, the thought of those perfect pink lips anywhere near him sending a tingle from the base of his spine to his toes.

"I'll take that as a yes," her whisper was like a brushfire in his brain and as he tried to make it process an answer she came right back again, "and I want to try it when you get home, after your shower, you could sit in the chair in the living room and I think I could kneel between your legs-"

"Shit," he barely gasped out the word as he felt the warm liquid shoot onto his bare stomach and the electricity erupt from his center. "Oh, fuck, Maka. That…" Having her between his legs had been enough, the idea that she in any way would even accept the idea of bending to him. _Maybe I'm not entirely proud of that but… for a second, I think I liked ordering her around, having her following me for once._

"Promise me you actually did," Maka laughed.

"Fuck _yes_ , I did," he sighed contently before eyeing his mess with only a smidge of dismay.

"Feel guilty? Weird?"

"Uh," he tried to press out the vowel to buy him one more second of thought. "Maybe about telling you what to do. Kind of ordered you to… you know."

"Since when can't _you_ say it?"

Soul snorted, "Since I'm saying it to your poor sensitive little ears."

"Shut up," she laughed. "You told me to cum, how's that?"

He practically guffawed, just catching it as another loud snort. "Maka. That sounds ridiculous from your mouth, you know that?"

"But I said it," she sent back with just a short wave of defensiveness before that soft joy sunk back in. "I kind of liked it."

"Liked it?" Soul let out a low whistle. "You never like taking someone else's orders."

"Well, everything tonight was out of the ordinary." A contented sigh followed that and he could imagine that dreamy just before bed smile on her face. "I miss you too. If you get home while I'm asleep, will you wake me up?"

"As long as that doesn't earn me a chop," he chuckled.

"Promise," she chimed.

Soul let another breath linger into the line. "Thanks, Maka, I needed that."

"You know… it's OK to ask for that," Maka's voice fell to a tiny murmur. "I don't mind, especially since I know it's inevitable. We're going to be apart."

"Yeah," he sighed. "I like the real thing better though."

"Duh," her voice came back a little stronger, bolstered by a laugh. "I think I miss the after part the most."

Soul hesitated but let the question roll off his lips along with the rest of his hesitation. "What happens after?"

"You hold me," she sighed sweetly. "You run your fingers through my hair. You make _that_ seem like the most important part to you and I don't know how."

While his smirk was toothy, it was all warm with no bite. "Like I said, all I need is you."


	13. Forever

Maka was desperately cursing her body as she heard the door open, the heavy shuffling of his feet echoing in the hallway to the living room. "I'm home," he offered almost skeptically as he found her pressed facedown on the couch, her legs kicking in frustration.

She barely surfaced for air, "If I could get up off of the heating pad I would."

"Oh," he dropped his things in the hallway just as the million other thoughts running in his mind. "That bad, huh?"

"I would request that you put me out of my misery but I think you've refused before."

"I don't do mercy killings," he chuckled as he made his way to the side of the couch and hunkered down next to her. Soul leaned in slowly, letting his lips brush hers. "Something else I could do?"

A forlorn, sigh that morphed into a groan left her lips. "Another kiss and then… maybe by the time you shower the painkillers will make me functional." One wasn't enough, certainly not for Soul and Maka wasn't using her lips for complaining instead. He spent as much time as she'd let him feathering soft kisses on every corner of her lips as his hand smoothed through her hair. "You still smell kind of piney."

He snickered, "Think I still have sap behind my ears."

Maka reached out and tugged on his earlobe with a smile that wanted to wither under the pain in her gut. "It's not bad, but make sure to scrub."

"Bossing me around already," he faked a sigh before catapulting to his feet, making sure to send her a clear view of his smirk as he eased out of the room.

 _He's so cute_ , that swelled high but sunk her lower as he disappeared around the corner. She tried to concentrate on the wonderful glow of artificial heat searing away some of the absurd cramping but the way he kissed kept creeping in. _I was going to… take a step when he got home. I sort of made a promise with that phone call that a shower would lead to me sitting him down and…_ but he obviously wouldn't be touching her any time soon, not at _this_ stage of her period at least and while she most definitely wanted to pamper him it wasn't like she could even concentrate on the TV, leaving her sure that she'd be fumbling through her first blow job.

Even letting the word glance over her mind brought a blush to her cheeks and a yearning that only succumbed to the next wave of pain. It was a perfect catastrophe between the ache, bloating, and that lovely patch of ache that had come to life on her chin. _All as soon as he comes home._ With that tragic thought she pushed her face back into the pillow and let it muffle another groan. She wheezed in air and tried to will away the discomfort, the entirety of being a woman.

Who knows how long ticked by before she heard his footsteps again, the unceremonious plop next to her and the feeling of his hot breath against her ear. With all the steamy baritone he could offer, Soul whispered, "Pizza or Chinese?"

The laugh had a life of its own and it took her, forcing her to bring her face from the pillow to gulp for air to replace it. "Pizza."

His grin grew another inch. "Perfect answer." Soul was back on his feet almost immediately, plodding out of the living room. Maka could hear him shuffling in the kitchen and the echo of his voice as he detailed their standard order to the usual pizza spot. She was fairly sure the delivery boy knew Soul's credit card number by heart at this point. Even after he stopped talking there was clattering in the kitchen and Maka tried to concentrate on reading it, trying to envision what he was doing in her mind's eye.

Soul entered sometime later with two mugs brimming with amber liquid that gave off that grassy but still slightly floral scent. As he put the mugs down he settled next to her on the ground, tossing an arm over her and instantly playing in her hair. Soul seemed content just to zone out at the screen but Maka cleared her throat, bringing him back to reality. "How was the mission?"

He let his head fall back on the couch before rolling on his shoulder, his eyes focusing on her as he continued to stroke his fingers through her blond locks. "Long. Practically a waste of time except for the last couple of days. I swear I never want to go back to Russia again."

"That's a pretty giant place you're nixing," Maka laughed.

"Don't care. Too cold. Too big. Too…" he shrugged which bobbed his head, at a loss for continuing the complaint.

Maka rolled her eyes before letting it all collapse into a smile, "And Kid? You two are getting better?"

"Sure." That was his conversation killer, but instead of Soul following it with his usual eye wandering or blank apathy, a slow smile started to spread on his lips. "I, uh, missed you. You know that?"

Her cheeks pinked and his fingers drifted there, making it flush even closer to red. "I miss you, too. I'm… I'm sorry I don't feel good."

"Sorry?" his eyebrows furrowed.

"I, um, thought, well, it's been a few weeks and I said…" She was rolling her eyes at her stuttering, feeling the heat come to them as tears threatened to mock her.

"Hey," he tapped her cheek with his pointer, urging the motion of her eyes back to him. "I've been dying to be home, to just be in your space. If that means eating too much pizza and spacing on the couch, I'm happy. But you know what I've wanted since that phone call?"

"What?" she squeaked.

He swallowed slow, building up the strength to ask for something that almost seemed more dangerous than all the others. "I wanted to sleep next to you. All night."

"Just… sleep?" Maka blinked as if her eyes would suddenly find the deception on his face or the joke would somehow materialize.

"You said it yourself, the after's the best," he sighed softly as he rubbed his thumb just below her lip. "And… Maka, sometimes, after we're together, just…" he tripped over it and she waited as he ground the nervousness between his teeth. "When you go back to your bed I don't want you to go."

Maka let out a wavering sigh, her bottom lip pouting as she tried to refuse the tears. "You're too cute."

"Cute?" he scoffed. "I'm _not_ cute."

"Adorable," she cooed.

He made that incredulous little snort again as he moved that thumb to pinch the curve of her cheek. " _Not_ cute."

"Ow," Maka complained as she pushed at his hand, getting him to intertwine their fingers rather than pull at the tender skin. "But what if I drool?"

A devious grin started to curl his lip, "You _do._ "

"I do _not_ ," she snapped back.

"And you snore," he leaned closer, his eyebrows challenging her with a rise.

"Liar!" she practically gasped but it scattered away to a laugh. "Then why would you want to sleep next to me, huh?"

A dreamy gust of breath left his lips, "Because I love you."

"Cute!" She quickly hid her face in the pillow to save her cheeks from further assault.

"Maka Albarn," he growled as he inched closer. Normally, this would be the time to pounce, but instead, his hand gently fell to the back of her neck, playfully smooshing her just a little further into the pillow. "Say cute again and I'll eat all the pizza myself."

Her lips barely snuck out from the fabric. "You wouldn't."

"You want to test that?" he eased back quickly.

She eyed his grin helplessly before she sighed, "I love you, Soul." He beamed a little brighter as his lips invaded the little bit of space she left between hers and the pillow. "So tonight, you can come and sleep in my bed."

"Your bed?" he murmured back before pulling far enough away that she could see his eyebrows curled inquisitively.

She could hear the heavy insinuation of _we never go to your bed_ because it was the truth. In a way, it was an unspoken parameter, and while she'd often blame it on enjoying the smell of him enveloping his sheets, it was also the power to come and go as she pleased, drawing lines. "This way you can stay as long as you want."

His eyes screamed of the weight of it and his fingers quickly went back to working in her hair, a desperate act of soothing for both. "Thanks, Maka."

"Not sure it's a thank you thing," Maka murmured.

"Still, thanks," his smile wrinkled around the edge, losing its hold as he leaned into her again, trying to pull surety out of a kiss.

* * *

Even in the pitch-black Soul could make out the perfect curve of her earlobe, the line of her jaw. He'd promised himself sleep and his body was definitely hearing the siren call with her warmth glowing against his chest but he wanted just a few more minutes of watching her, of memorizing this moment. He needed to break it down to the cellular level, every last nuance of the way her delicate sleeping frame fit into his collected as the most important of remembrances. It was etched into his soul and he was sure he'd never have enough of it, snoring, drooling, or no.

Maka stirred slightly and with the tiny catch of a yawn she murmured, "Why are you still awake?"

"How can you tell?"

"Your soul's humming," she laughed softly, the words still tainted by delirious sleep. "You buzz. A spiky little strum."

"I can't tell if you're making that up or not," he chuckled.

"I'm not." Even in the tightness of his grip, Maka rolled over and he took the opportunity to run his hand up and down her back, tracing a line on her spine. "You can't sleep?"

"I will, in a minute." As his hands drifted and her eyes started to flutter closed again he let his mind wander, wondering what that buzz was like, hoping it was music to her ears.

He was sure she was asleep but her voice started again, loud in the small chasm between them in the bed. "You know I trust you more than anyone."

"Same," he answered quickly.

"With everything," she murmured.

"I think we went over this," he let another short laugh leave his lips before using them to press a kiss to her forehead. "Go to sleep, Maka."

In clear defiance her eyes flickered open. "Do you think you'll love me forever?"

A snort of a laugh swiftly left his nose before he left another kiss for her at her hairline. "I think you're half asleep and dreaming but… I hope so. I want to." The pause was heavy in his gut and he wanted to slam shut every last inch of that door but the way her fingers tightened into his t-shirt made him sure he'd never be able to pry her grip on his heart. "I want to pretend we're invincible but I worry. That's what I do, I guess."

"You can worry." As she tilted her head the breath ran hot against his neck before he resituated his head on the pillow, letting her come face to face with him. "Since I'll always be there to tell you for sure."

Their lips found each other in the dark, locking effortlessly just like their souls so often did. A tremble in his broke the kiss, a shaky breath taken and exhaled over hers. "Tell me again."

"It's a forever sort of thing, Soul," she murmured. "You're stuck with me."

One more quivering touch of their lips before he went back to running his hands along her spine. "Close your eyes."

Maka was obeying but her eyebrows were still slightly furrowed. "You promise to go to sleep?"

"Like I said, in a minute." He still needed a few more memories, pulled like the warmth from her skin. He needed every last picture of this in his mind to heal over the worry, to try to convince himself that wasn't some sleep-addled nonsense from her mouth. _A forever sort of thing._


	14. You

Getting drunk had obviously been Black Star's idea and while Maka would usually harp on the illegality of underage drinking there was no room in the face of peer pressure. Even responsible Tsubaki had tipped back more than one glass of cheap wine as they sat around the bonfire that night. While Maka had feigned her way through enjoying a cup, it stayed just that, slow nursing of the intoxicant as she watched Soul give in.

He wasn't stumbling but wouldn't be dancing the foxtrot any time soon. His eyes had that hazy, droopy laziness to them and he was mostly asleep on his feet it seemed, an arm linked around her waist more for his own balance than anything else. Maka detached him to get through the door but found his arms circling around her shoulders as soon as they were a few steps in, his lips coming just to her earlobe. "I've been thinking about you all night," he whispered huskily.

While the electricity of that dance across her skin, Maka felt her heart lurch in place, her hands quickly coming to the arms around her. "Soul…" When his lips closed over her earlobe, a tender tease of teeth just after it, she couldn't save enough air for the words, the only thing eking from her lips a soft, "Please."

"Please what?" The genuine curiosity suffused his voice as he used a hand on her hip to turn her to him.

The flash in those green eyes wasn't what he was expecting and Soul felt the fuzz in his mind reverberate around her words. "Please stop."

His eyebrows furrowed as he brought his hands to her face, touches so tender that he was barely stealing the heat from them and felt the trickle of the liquid underneath his palm as the first tear fell from her eyes. "Maka, what is it?"

"Um, just don't," she murmured back weakly. "It's _nothing_ , it's _stupid_ , but don't." Her hands came over his and tore them away before turning down the hallway. "I'm just tired. I… I'm going to bed."

Soul waited, her soul now looking just as murky as the edges of the world around him. Without ceremony, without goodnight, without any of the sweetness he had wanted to share with her, Maka went into her room and shut the door. His stomach reeled, not the liquor giving it a turn but the silence. Each second was being played back in his mind, each moment broke down to the very movement of his fingers to try to figure the transgression. For once, he was lucky for the drink, the way it muddled his mind because it left the inhibition in his feet behind and urged them forward.

They were stomping steps down the hall and after opening her door his fists clenched tightly at his sides. Maka jumped as it swung on its hinges but kept her back to him. "You're bottling!" It was almost the voice of a petulant child and Soul didn't care. "And that was a fucking push if I ever felt one!"

While the words struck like a knife to her gut, turning and seeing him, trembling hands and red in the face somehow almost urged a laugh to her lips. _He's drunk, so drunk, and while he should have just crumbled to the floor it's a tantrum instead because…_

"You said," he started to yell again but at least his hands started to relax, his fingers going from white to pink. "Deal-breaker was secrets and _that_ was a secret. You can't just _cry_ and expect me to-"

"I know." With a gentle wave of her hands to calm the air between them she took a step closer. "I think… I think I was still… thinking it was years ago," she sighed at the lack of eloquence, the way the words wanted to stop and start on her tongue. "You would have let me do that before."

"Maybe," he muttered. One of his hands tentatively transgressed into the divide.

Maka avoided it, instead walking straight into him to circle her arms around his waist, holding him steady and still against her. "I think you would have let me do it now, too, if you weren't so drunk."

"Maybe," he echoed weakly, his hand coming to her hair. "But you have to tell me."

"That's an order?" she murmured before tucking her face into his shirt.

His throat bobbed with a nervous swallow and Maka could feel it spurring the kick of his heart in his chest. "Yeah."

She exhaled slowly, lungs unfurling as her fingers clenched into his shirt. "I don't want you to touch me while you're drunk. Not like that."

"Why?"

"I used to…" a trembling moan wanted to come from her mouth and she trapped it as a weak hum, adding a painful melody before the words. "Maybe I used to think that was the only way you'd want me. Maybe I used to think that was the only way it was possible."

"That doesn't sound like a maybe," he murmured. "You… thought I'd only kiss you if I was drunk?"

"You never showed any interest in me _that way_ ," the breath caught in her throat and Maka forced an exhale through her nose. "And when you get drunk, that's the only time I've ever seen you not think about what you do, just do it, and I thought that'd be the only time you'd even consider and I… I felt pathetic, thinking about you, pining over you but I did and _when_ I did that was the only fantasy I could come up with because why would you ever-"

"Stop," he grunted out the word as he pressed his lips to her hairline at her temple.

"No," she murmured. "No, you should hear it, right? No secrets because sometimes… I still wonder what it is you see. You used to say I wasn't anything to look at-"

His fingers tightened their hold on her. "Maka-"

"And I said the same thing about you," she corrected quickly and the rest kept sliding off her tongue into his shirt. "I know what I said was a lie, and you know it, too, because there are girls who chase after you. Some of those offers to be your meister aren't all business and _you know that_." The next words slowly unwound from their stranglehold on her heart. "But no one's chased after me so I assume it's because, well, I'm not all that pretty. So what you said still seems like the truth. Even with the compliments now, sometimes I wonder if you settled."

"It's my fault," he muttered.

She sighed sharply before knocking a fist to his chest. "No, that's not what I'm saying."

"But I am," he shot back quickly. There was a strange quality to his voice, and as Maka analyzed it in the break for breath she realized suddenly that he was amused, almost laughing. "You think guys didn't ask you out because you're not pretty? Bullshit. They didn't ask you out _because of me_." Now there was a twinge of self-deprecation to it and Maka lifted her head, looking up at scarlet eyes that were burning down at her. "Think about some poor sap trying to ask you out with me hovering behind you. You know what face I make when other guys look at you? When other guys talk to you?"

"I don't…"

"If looks could kill," he huffed back. "You're beautiful, Maka. Guys look, and, hell, guys probably would have tried if I didn't follow you around the way I do." His eyes narrowed, "And you should know, I didn't want you tonight because I was drunk. I meant what I said, that I've been thinking about you all night because when we got to the damn party, Black Star was running his mouth about all the sweet stuff Tsubaki does and all I could do was keep a tally that you do all the same stuff and _more_ and for a second, before I even had a fucking drink, I told him so. Then of course I had to start thinking about what the hell I do for you and I got it in my head that I needed to show you more."

Her lip trembled and all she could manage was a soft, "Soul…"

"So did I want something to happen tonight? I guess, especially since drinking sort of does get me _worked up_ but I wanted something to happen because I was trying to show you how much I love you." He huffed out a sigh, his eyes somehow getting even tighter and driving the words into her. "So you go to bed. I'm going to stay up, sober up for a while, and then I'm going to come to bed and hold you all fucking night again."

Her head started to weakly shake. "Soul, you don't-"

"I do," he pressed. "But you have to let me."

The shake turned to a nod. "I'll be waiting."

He pushed her off towards the bed with a sigh, turning and making sulking footsteps into the hallway. Every switch in his brain was turned up and the chatter was endless so after pouring himself the largest glass of water possible he settled on the couch with his headphones. It was jazz at the decibel just below ear-bleeding and slow sips as he watched the pattern of lights cut across the wall from the window. There wasn't much, traffic winding down at this time of night, but he followed what came, letting it break the repetitive patterns of his thoughts only momentarily. He let the time tick by.

 _She thinks I settled_. There was no bottom to the well of self-deprecation there, sure he could bring up a million and ten reasons why _she_ had settled for _him_ but sober enough now to know that wasn't the point. He tossed his phone in his hand, and almost out of habit opened up the camera, considering an impromptu video of the endless reasons he wanted her. He could make up for all the puerile jeers that had come out of his mouth over the years. He could take it all back and tell her how much he'd agonized over her beauty at different points in their lives. He could say that all to a screen.

Instead, he ripped the buds from his ears, tossing all of the technology to the side as he stood now on steady feet. It'd taken at least an hour and plenty of water but the world was back to even and he had no trouble navigating the hallway in the darkness. When he got to her room she was curled tightly in the sheets, fists set in the fabric but her breath slow in sleep. He slid in next to her and her breath caught, her body going from stiff to pliable as it relaxed against his chest. "Soul, I-"

"Don't," he murmured. "I got things to say and I'm just about to chicken out, so don't, not just yet." He let out a weak laugh as he let his whispers fall next to her ear. "I'm not proud of what I'm about to tell you and I don't want you thinking I am. It was shitty. It was possessive and shitty and I had no right but jealousy was something I got used to when it came to you. I was sure you'd never want me so it was easy to feel it creep in about anyone I thought you could want. Jealousy never leads to good behavior and I can't say I'm any different. _You_ don't see the way other guys look at you but I definitely do, even now when I know I have you, I see it and it's getting better but it still turns something in me."

"One of those guys once had the nerve to ask me what your deal was. He was a weapon, had seen you come pick me up at class, had seen us together, wondered. I didn't have the guts to say we were something, couldn't lie like that because if it did get back to you…" He huffed out a desperate sigh. "But I still told him to fuck off. Told him he was barking up the wrong fucking tree. I guess he spread that around because I didn't get any more questions after that and if I was with you when a guy was looking, they sure as hell stopped staring pretty fast."

Soul loosened his grip on her, waiting for the turn, the accusation, or the rage that he deserved. Instead, in her creeping silence, he continued, "And, while I never told him to, I'm pretty sure Black Star did the same thing on the meister side because he's known for as long as I have that I loved you." Again, she was motionless even though it felt like her soul was tugging on his, pulling the rest of his thoughts from his lips. "And while you did the math, that eight two percent of the time it's just that, loving you, you know that doesn't mean I don't _want_ you. It's just still hard for me to talk about that part because, well, I still don't want to hurt you. I don't want you to think it's just your body I'm after. But if you want to hear it, I'll try more."

Maka's hand clasped over his, breaking the stillness along with her sweet voice, "I do… could you try one now?"

He cleared his throat, trying to ease the way his brain attempted to strangle him. It only added to the scraping lowness of his voice, making her tremble as the words buzz across her ear, "There's this one skirt you have, the black and white striped one that I know you don't wear that often because it's old, too short, but when you do, oh, fucking _hell_ , if you lean even a little forward it shows off enough where I can get a view of that perfect curve where your thighs almost meet and… well, now it just brings back the memories of my hand there, the way you cry out my name."

"You… like that?"

"Maka," he grunted out a laugh as he pulled her tightly against his chest. "I can't get enough of it. You're right, I sure as hell know that there were other girls interested in me but you have to get this through your head that just the way you say my damn name is enough. There's no one else in this world that has gotten close to that. You," he let that word fill with everything, all his want, his love. "You are the only one."


	15. A Step

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **sexual content** ahead!

Out of the corner of her eye, Maka watched him hunker down on the couch, his breath heaving from his chest as he threw his arms over the back and let his head rest looking up towards the ceiling. "When is Black Star supposed to get here?"

"An hour," Soul groaned.

"So probably two hours," Maka grinned into the pages of her book.

"Probably," he sighed as he lifted his head so his eyes could linger over her. He loved the way she looked curled up in that chair, reading. She always had this perfect tilt to her head, showing off the fine line of her neck and today she was teasing him with her hair down, letting it wave through her fingers as she played with it absently.

She brought her eyes up from the page to lock with his, catching the start of a blush on his cheeks. It wasn't so strong as it used to be since now he was slowly convincing himself that looking wasn't illegal, but it was still there, a slight pink glow. "What are you going to do in the meantime?"

"Wait," he muttered. "I should probably do some laundry or…"

"Maybe you could play?" Maka offered.

He huffed as he tapped his foot a few times. "I could play." Soul rolled his head to the side, eyeing the corner where the piano sat. "If you really want me to."

"For fifteen minutes," she answered pertly.

 _Like a punishment_ , he wanted to mutter but he lifted achingly slow off of the couch instead. He walked over and slid onto the bench, opening and closing his fingers as if he needed the warm-up before touching the keys. It wasn't a mystery what she wanted, that little tune that brought her to him in the first place, but Soul toyed around with a few other melodies first. He could feel every last ounce of her attention on him and while it would normally create nothing but creepy icicles up his spine it fed him a quick bite of joy, especially as her soul started to unwind around him, suffusing the air with the absolute beauty of her.

 _I love her_ came so easily to his mind along with the aching grin on his face. With it he forgot to play coy, starting the song she most likely wanted to hear even though he couldn't imagine _why._ _Yes, you can, dummy. She loves you just as much as you love her. Get it?_ He let a little lovelorn sigh break his lips as he continued through the notes. _She hears this and maybe she thinks about you. Maybe she holds this close to her heart._

Maka watched him, glad to see his shoulders relax and the irritation flake off of him. She let their song finish before she put her book to the side. Her footsteps were covered by the soft trickle of a few random keys and when she put her hands on his shoulders he jumped slightly. "That definitely wasn't fifteen," he smirked up at her as he tilted back his head against her stomach.

"No, it wasn't." Maka slipped her hand under his chin, keeping him in place so she should lean awkwardly to brush her lips to his.

"You should know better than to interrupt me if you want me to keep playing," he murmured as he started to turn, hooking an arm around her waist to bring her closer.

She shook her head slowly with a laugh as she kneeled onto the bench next to him. There was barely a second on her knees before he pulled her into his lap so he could sink his face into her neck, starting to nip at the sensitive skin. "You're sure Black Star's going to be here in an hour?" her voice was barely there, the breath stolen from her as he trailed a line with his tongue to her earlobe.

"Yeah," the annoyance at the interruption was obvious in his voice and he immediately latched back onto her earlobe before trailing kisses along her jaw. His fingers slipped under her shirt, teasing at her bare skin. "Can we?"

"Um…" Maka hummed it out and his hand froze as his face appeared from its hiding place to blink up at her, patiently awaiting the rest. "Can you turn around on the bench?"

"Sure…" Soul let her slip out of his lap and did as ordered. She was now standing between his legs and he grasped at her hips. "What is it?"

She ran her fingers nervously through her hair but ended in twisting it, using the hair tie from her wrist to set it up in a messy bun. Before Soul could repeat the question she had her hands on his knees, lowering herself down on hers. As he held his breath her hands drifted up to the waistband of his pants, flicking the button and starting on the fly.

"Maka…"

"You promise that you'd tell me…" Her cheeks were flushing pink but those green eyes were determined while she stared up at him. "Tell me if it feels good."

A hard click in his throat came with his swallow as he nodded, lifting his hips so she could pull his pants and boxers down to his ankles. As her eyes drifted away from his, Soul slipped a hand into her hair, tilting her head enough that he could ease forward and catch her lips. "I'm gonna get to return the favor, right?"

Maka nodded, nuzzling her nose against his.

"OK, alright," he breathed out slowly as he relaxed back, his spine starting a trickle of sound from the keys that made him jump. The startle brought a laugh from Maka's mouth and suddenly they were both laughing, the tension drifting off with each breath.

"Soul, it'll be fine, right?" Her fingers dangerously slid from his knees up his thighs.

Soul's breath warbled from his throat, "Maka, I'm more worried about _me_ than _you_ , honestly. Because that…" he placed his hands over hers, stopping the temptation momentarily so his brain would function enough to produce sentences. "Seriously feels good, and you just there…"

Her blush was tipping from pink to red but she wiggled her fingers out from underneath his all the same. "Will you…" One of her hands came back to his and grabbed it, positioning it just below her bun. "So you can show me how fast."

"OK," his fingers tensed ever so slightly but refused to push her forward. Instead, he held his breath, watching as her eyes shuffled downward to her target. The hand slipped from his, leaving it in her hair so she could wrap a familiar hand around the base of his shaft and already brought a grunt from his lips.

"OK," she echoed before parting her lips and touching them to his tip like some strange kiss.

A warbling weak vowel sound left his lips and her eyes darted towards him but he shook his head. "Keep going, feels so fucking good." His head tilted back only instinctively before he forced his eyes back, realizing how much he needed to watch her, to see it just as much as feel it as her lips sunk lower on him. It was a fire-filled agony because as she slowly engulfed him all he wanted was more, and even that word felt dull ringing in the back of his head. He wanted _everything_ , all of her and it hit him just like all those black wants to swallow her soul that he had so often had to rein in. _Be careful_ , he warned as he refused the urge to force her deeper, his hand still just resting in her hair.

He heard the catch at the back of her throat as Maka reached her depth. As she pulled back slowly her mouth released him, her eyes drifting up to his with that gut-wrenching uncertainty. "Any farther than that and I…" she lost focus on him as her lips worked nervously.

"Don't have to go further than that," he murmured. "Again, Maka, feels fucking great, so even if you just keep doing that, even if you want to stop…" There he did urge his fingers, trying to pull her up and back to him but she was firm, shaking her head against his hand.

"I want to." The anxiety was fizzling from her face and Soul found the smile that was starting across his lips echoing on her face. "Plus, I want to find out what it feels like for me," that was a tinier voice along with another brush of pink across her cheeks but a definite strengthening to her smile.

"I, uh, I'm excited, too," he whispered back as his smile threatened to falter but with her eyes on him like that he couldn't give in to whatever absurd misery wanted to pull him down.

Without another warning, her tongue flicked, coming flat against his tip before curling under as her lips took him again. Soul let the groan come, rumbling up from his chest as he eyed her with that strengthening smile. Still tempering the will of his ache, Soul played with the tempo of her deliberate slide. He was finding a sweet rhythm when Maka began to play with her tongue, trying to snake along his length.

"Oh, fucking _that_ , Maka, _shit_." A string of curses tumbled helplessly from his mouth as she continued playing with hers, experimenting with the meandrous movement. He slowed her down, trying to categorize each feeling as it came, the way his muscles tightened, the screaming urge hitting him wave after wave with each stroke of her lips over him. "Maka," he barely got it out before the next moan took him, "you can stop. I'm going to, oh, fuck…" His grip on her hair was useless especially as her eyes flicked up to his and very clearly spelled out the answer. _She's not stopping, no fucking way is she and that look, Death, kill me now because that look!_

It was usually his eyes being described as fiery but there was no other word that came to mind as he was staring into hers, burning desperately with the confidence of a job done well, that complete Maka-pride that always blossomed in the face of her accomplishments. Soul couldn't stop himself if he tried and on the next thrust of her mouth, a rumbling groan erupted from his throat, the intensity hitting him and bringing him back against the keys with a clang that was barely loud enough to do the feeling justice. He had obviously cum before but the way her mouth pulled it from him, continuing a few aching strokes as he sucked in haggard breaths, was almost enough to make him weep.

Maka was up in a flash and Soul was in no position to stop her, his legs jelly against the bench. He did bring his eyes to the entryway, waiting and listening for any kind of panic and just finding running water, normal footsteps, and then that smile on her face that wanted to blossom with victory. "Sorry, I just… I know you're supposed to swallow, but…"

"You don't have to," Soul sighed out sweetly. "You don't even have to let me get that far, I mean, I would have…" He let it trail off as she shook her head, that pleased smile finally sticking to her lips.

"You liked it."

"Liked isn't enough," he chuckled lightly as he peeled himself from the bench and grabbed for his pants. Soul was swift in pulling them up, anxious to lessen the distance between them and wrap her up in his arms. He was there in a flash, hoisting her up and over his shoulder and cherishing the squeal it brought from her lips. "My bed or yours?"

"Mine," she peeped.

How he could feel more contentment seemed impossible and he relished each bounce against his shoulder and he walked to her room. He was much more careful in the deposit, setting her on the edge of the bed and kneeling in front of her as his hands came over hers to quiet any immediate movement. "I want… to know you're OK."

The blush started as a flail of embarrassment, the uncomfortable remembrance of her brave but not so brave move in the living room but warmed into something entirely different as his eyes blinked up at her, his fingers moving gently over hers to soothe. "I think I am and if I'm not, I know if I want to stop, you'll stop."

"I won't do anything you don't want to do," he urged.

"I know," she murmured softly and stole away one of her hands to run through his hair.

Soul let out a gentle sigh as he rested his cheek against her knee. "This is… Maka, it feels great and not just because it's the touching but it's the… I feel like you need me and I need you and it's… I barely know what I fucking mean." He looked at the usual wordsmith and found her head in a sweet tilt, an achingly beautiful smile on her face.

Maka had no corrections, no better explanation and the words came easily off her lips, "Now I know I'm definitely OK."

He lifted his head, thankful that she dipped hers so their lips could meet. As he toyed with her lips his hands sunk under her skirt, clutching at the sides of her panties. Bunching the fabric between his fingers was exhilarating enough but the way she tilted her hips and let him tug it down her thighs had his heart thrumming in his chest from the smooth motion that wasn't in any way tainted by apprehension. With the cloth at her ankles, he pulled away slowly, catching that last glowing look in her emerald eyes. "Lay back."

While Soul had been so possessed with watching Maka let herself get a glimpse of the ceiling before she shut her eyes, focusing on the way his feather touches eased over her skin. Rough calluses ran over her knee, along the delicate creamy white of her thigh. He wasn't searching for anything but her comfort and she reveled in it, letting it bring a steadiness to her breath that usually didn't come in the bedroom.

As soon as she was even, when he could feel the restlessness washed away, he let his lips press against the inside of her knee as a gentle cue. He littered a few more in a line, turning his head so that her other leg wasn't left lonely. A shaky sigh left her lips and it was enough for him to dare to graze his teeth over the tender flesh, a tempting threat. His ears perked for anything from her but as her breath came easy again he sunk them in, nipping enough that her leg trembled next to him. "Too much?" he murmured hotly against the skin.

"No," her voice was just as wobbly as her leg.

He turned his head and let another wave of that ravenous hunger take him, leaving a not so unfamiliar mark indented in her flesh. There was no getting used to marking her since he always undulated from the uneasy ' _I must have hurt her'_ to that strangely prideful ' _She likes it.'_ One more, a little higher on her thigh and a moan trickled from her throat. He was close, too close to keep with his amorous nibbling and when he turned his head to the center of her he watched as his warm exhaled made her tremble.

"Soul…"

"Stop?" He hesitated but his tongue was daring him.

"Opposite," she murmured with a short laugh.

He hummed happily as he pressed a kiss dangerously at the cusp of where her thigh ended and another shuddering wave came over her. While the daydream over the phone had been a game of finding where his tongue would wind her up, as he ran it along her slit there was no place that didn't seem to make all of her puddle against him. Even his first lick, tempting and delicious in its own way, had her huffing, a strange strangle coming from her throat as her hands abused the sheets.

 _More_ , it was him urging himself forward just as much as her soul was tugging at him. Another lap of his tongue, firm and pressing between the folds to really drink her in before adding a flick to her clit made her almost breathless, her fingers making frantic morse code into the bed. He played with the motion, twirling rather than just a simple glide, giving extra attention to the places his fingers had already found months ago.

"That!" Maka practically jumped as her feet stomped to the floor.

This would take practice, a playfulness to the angle of his tongue that he hadn't actually explored much but the fatigue was forgotten in the face of hearing her whimpers, watching her legs fidget next to him, leaving him only able to give her every last thing she called for. His hand tightly cupped her ass, increasing the pressure of his mouth until he was sure he was going to suffocate but could definitely die happy. It was then that the cry split from her lips, bounding across the room to settle happily in his ears as she fluttered out a last few agonized breaths.

Maka was barely up on her elbows, Soul just detaching with the start of a smirk when the knocking jolted them both out of their revelry. Her face blossomed to crimson, "You said an hour!"

Soul was about to reiterate the same when the pound came again and he was popping to his feet instead. He wiped his face awkwardly, letting the fleeting thought of _Death, she tasted so good_ , hit him and intensified his blush tenfold. As he opened the door, he barely spat out, "You're early."

"I'm late," Black Star snapped back as he looked at his watch.

"Two," Soul groaned, knowing that Maka could probably hear him and the steam was just about tumbling from her ears.

Black Star flaunted his watch in Soul's face. "It's two-thirty."

"It's _one-thirty_ and Tsubaki probably changed your fucking watch again," he grumbled as he pushed Black Star's arm out of his face.

"Not like you're ever _busy_ ," Black Star rolled his eyes but the cackling finally broke from his lips. "Sorry, guess it did kind of _sound_ like you were busy."

"Shut up," Soul hissed.

"The whole damn apartment could-"

Soul clamped a hand over his mouth with a withering look of murderous intent. "Shut up. Just, stay the fuck out here." As soon as his hand was gone the laughter started again and Soul slamming the door in Black Star's face only amplified it. He turned into her bedroom, finding her just about the same color. "Tsubaki changed his watch."

"Of course," Maka sighed as she pressed both hands to her cheeks.

"I'm…" _Sorry? Stupid? About to crawl into a hole and die?_ All of the options seemed wrong but as he stared at her, words fluttering through his head uselessly, she simply smiled.

"Just take that idiot somewhere where I can't hear him laughing, please."

"He's not-" but Soul stopped the excuse as soon as she rolled her eyes. He edged closer to the bed, leaning over to run fingers through her hair. "I'm sorry I'm going to miss the best part."

"You'll just owe me when you get home."

"Deal," Soul grinned before planting a soft kiss on her lips. "But… tell me, you still feel OK?"

"More than OK," she laughed softly, "but I'm sure I'll have more thoughts by the time you're home."

"Hold on to 'em," he nodded. "Let me know when I'm holding you tonight."


	16. A Gift

That beautiful pleased little grunt reverberated against Maka's back as Soul settled in, his grip forcing her into that cozy spot that was becoming second nature. Even more surprising, he hadn't asked tonight, didn't hesitate at her door or wait for some kind of invitation. His steps had been slower, giving her more than enough time to yank the rug out from underneath him but her silence was acquiescence and it was rewarded now with him intertwining with her. "You have any thoughts while I was gone?"

She was already feeling too hazy, sucked into his warmth and the steady tick of his heart. Honestly, there hadn't been panic, second-guessing while she drifted around the apartment by herself. Instead, the thought came as easily to her then as it did now, "I'm going to ask Mira for some birth control."

Soul wheezed and just barely covered the embarrassing sound with the clearing of his throat. "Like pills?"

"Pills. She's given it to some of the other girls, so…" that came with a nonchalant shrug that rubbed against his chest.

A breath quivered through his teeth before he tucked his face into her hair, hiding the whisper there. "We… we have to talk about this."

"We said we would," she murmured as she stroked steady fingers down the arm that was tightening across her chest. "Would it be easier to make a video?" The end of that question withered, the words rising a pathetic octave.

"Can't have a conversation that way," he muttered.

Relief fluttered over her lips before she pulled in another slow breath to form easier words. "Are you OK with me going on the pill?"

"Not my body," he murmured as he squeezed her a little tighter. "I… appreciate it. Does that sound stupid?"

"No," Maka laughed softly.

"I guess it's a little less scary," he croaked.

"But still scary," she followed quickly.

He sighed, sending her hair fluttering against her neck. "Between that and the condoms it takes care of the pregnancy worry," his voice was so low, choking on something that he probably couldn't put into words, that if his mouth wasn't so close to her ear it'd be lost forever. "But…"

"What's the other fears?" This wasn't necessarily her expertise and she waited for the laundry-list that she always received from him: Soul, the keeper of a million and ten ways for anything to go wrong.

"I hurt you."

Maka started the practically impossible process of fidgeting to turn around in his arms because she needed to display the joy on her face, that know-it-all burn that she'd perfected over the years as a teacher's pet. "I asked about that!"

"Asked who?" he balked and to her relief, his volume was back.

"Marie," Maka nodded with surety, "and Tsubaki and Mira, too, but Mira more in the clinical sense than the girl-talk way."

Soul groaned, "Marie? I bet she told your dad."

"You already bought condoms in front of him," she grinned. "I doubt he's in the dark anymore."

"Right," Soul huffed, "but…" A few horrible scenarios attempted to hijack his brain, forcing him off into blackout territory before he sucked in a breath, eyes focusing back on her. "It won't hurt?"

"It can be uncomfortable," Maka's eyebrows furrowed, "but it would only hurt if something's not right, like a medical problem." She nibbled on her lip before letting it split for a laugh, fueled by the ridiculousness of her own blush.

"What's funny about that?" Soul grumbled as his hand dug into her hair.

"Not that," Maka leaned into his touch, forcing it to cover the color on one of her cheeks. "Just… you've never had a problem making me, _you know_."

He managed a snort of a laugh, his lips cracking into a smirk, "I'll take that as a compliment."

"So, that's what makes it more comfortable," Maka swallowed before attempting the word, "the lubrication keeps it from hurting since the friction-"

His laughter ruined the rest of her biology lesson, her lips puffing into a pout as he failed to quiet. "Sorry, sorry, guess that's just… OK, so it shouldn't hurt."

"No," Maka offered a sure nod but it melted away in the motion. All she had left over was a nervous jumble in her chest. "What about the melodramatic part?"

"I love you," he murmured before his jaw clenched on the idea.

"I know you do." She eased fingers over the tightened muscle to his lips, wishing she could just pry it from him. "But what about loving me makes this scary?"

Barely even a quiver of breath squeezed through his lips, "You promised me forever, Maka."

"Yeah, I did," Maka grinned even in the face of his lack.

"What if…" How could he quell that frantic beast in his chest? How could he be sure that as soon as the words came out of his mouth that the act didn't give them truth and legs to stand on? "The only time I ever thought I lost you besides, well, you almost dying," the words barely gritted between his teeth, "was that day and I hadn't even kissed you yet. I didn't know what any of this was like and I thought losing what we had then was enough to kill me but now?" His eyes sank desperately into hers, trying to read each last minuscule movement of her face. "Or after? I can't."

"That's fine," Maka murmured, "because I can't either. I think if you left me after we went through all of this to have sex I would probably murder you."

"Maka," he groaned.

"I'm not joking," she laughed dryly and let her eyes flutter down to his shirt where her nail was drawing a delicate pattern into the threads. "I'd snap like one of those ladies on TV and end up burying you in the woods somewhere."

Soul was still trying to breathe, his eyes searching over her face.

"Or maybe I'd go really crazy," her sigh was sweet and almost dreamy. "Hold on to your corpse and pull a Norman Bates." She was peeking up at him through her lashes, catching the start of a smile on his lips. "Talk to you and eventually go so crazy I'd hear you talk back. Mostly just grumbling about what outfit I put you in or how uncool I let your hair get." Maka tilted her head as the laugh came from his lips. "Or does hair fall out when you die?"

"Probably just end up as a balding corpse," he snorted. "You're ridiculous, you know that?"

Maka hummed out the affirmative as she brushed her lips to his. "But it made you laugh."

"Yeah…" He ran a hand up the length of her arm to her shoulder and then let it drift back down again to connect the dots on a few errant freckles. "Thanks," he murmured.

"So, no, no sex and breaking up." Maka curled in closer to him, hiding her face against his neck and encouraging a deeper tangle by hooking her leg over his. "Do you… want to hear what I'm worried about?"

"Yeah, of course," he replied hoarsely, the fingers of one hand already starting to work through her hair while the other clutched her closer.

 _Do it, Maka! You started it, you opened the door, so let it spill. Be a good example at the very least._ "What if after… what if it's not enough?"

"For you?"

"No, for you," she let out a trembling sigh against his neck as she clutched her hands into his t-shirt. "What if… it's not good enough and you want something more or something _else_?"

"Or someone else," he murmured, driving a nail right into her heart.

"Someone else," she echoed weakly.

Soul sighed deeply before she felt his lips touch her hairline. "I've never thought about anyone else," he whispered without much inflection, just that slow, steadiness that always defined him. "Before, even at the moments in my life where I was sure this would never happen my mind didn't wander. It was stuck on you, always stuck on you and I could give you a million reasons for it. There are just about a million of them." An inhale crept over his lips before he started again, "Was I just stupid enough to think you're not as scared of losing me as I am of losing you?"

"It's not stupid…"

"It is, though," he let out a sharp laugh. "Yeah, Maka, it's pretty stupid. You said it before, you feel like I settled. I definitely didn't, but that's something that's still eating at you. Like there's someone out there better for me. At the same time, I'm worried about the same damn thing, right? Thinking about how much you'll stomach before you realize you're too good for this." His hand sunk into her hair, pulling her head from its hiding spot so he could catch the start of tears in her eyes. "Maybe that's what we have to stop before we have sex. You and me, we have to stop doubting this, convincing ourselves that there's an end coming up because neither of us wants that, right?"

"Right," she answered shakily.

"So that's what I think. No sex until we can believe that, both of us."

"Deal." Maka sealed it with a kiss, her lips dying to linger over his except for one more whisper. "But today, Soul…"

"Yeah?" His fingers were already running through her hair, easing calm into her skin.

"It was really nice," she hummed out pleasantly.

"Even getting interrupted?" he chuckled.

"No," Maka huffed, "but us… and you…" She faltered, the blush on her cheeks bringing nothing but nonsense to her mind.

A smirk started to settle on his lips even as the nerves lit like fireworks in his stomach. He had already played it like a video in his head, wondering at a million different outcomes but as the sweet thoughts still sputtered off her lips he willed himself to action, leaving behind the anxious scenarios. Soul pressed against her, pinning that delicate body in the bed as his cheek rubbed against hers to bring his lips to her ear. "I'm glad because the way you taste…" he let out an aching, hot sigh against her skin and felt her tremble underneath him. "I'll never get enough."

* * *

The fire created that fulfilling kind of burn, the one where your skin tingled until almost raw, making up for the sting that his fingers were creating on her leg. "Hold still," he grumbled but it was impossible, the way the gauze tickled the inside of her thigh making her foot fidget involuntarily. His admonishment was half-hearted anyway, his mind completely elsewhere.

"The fight didn't go _that_ badly," she chirped as she nudged his cheek with her finger, getting those fiery eyes to flash to her momentarily.

"Not sayin' it did," he muttered.

"Then?" She pressed again and he caught her finger, bringing it out of range and tucking it in her lap.

"I'm…" he paused to sigh, eyes lingering along the edge of the bandage. "Just let me finish this."

"OK…" Maka leaned back on her elbows, trying not to create the end to this conversation in her mind as her eyes played connect-the-dots in a sky full of stars. It was entirely beautiful, a scene not to be missed and she was barely hanging on to it in his silence.

Soul tucked the last of the wrap before eyeing her legs for any last nicks. Besides what he had already bandaged her skin was a clean, creamy canvas and he allowed for a momentary run of it with his fingers, watching with a modicum of pleasure as she trembled and sighed. "Maka…"

"Ready now?"

His nod was barely a dip of his chin, his energy concentrated on sucking in air instead. "Look, I'm afraid you're going to think it's lame."

"But you're so cool," she teased against her better judgment but was rewarded with a crack of a smile from him. "I'm sure it can't be worse than that poetry Kid tried out on Liz."

Soul snorted a laugh, "Guess not."

"So?" Maka wiggled her leg in his lap, trying to urge him forward or at least earn another run of his hands over her skin. She was almost instantly rewarded with both.

"We, uh… this has been kind of happening for six months now."

"Oh," Maka's cheeks burned, a delicate mix of loving his devotion and shame at her own forgetful nature. She hadn't been marking the calendar on this, just concentrating on the day to day.

"Yeah," he choked through another breath, forcing him to clear his throat. "And it's not a big deal, I mean, it is a big deal that we're together, but you and me, the partner stuff has been years, right, so six months shouldn't matter all that much but I…" Soul forced a huff as the heat crept up his neck, threatening to color his cheeks and ears. "I got you something."

"Really?" The starburst of excitement overtook everything else, a glowing smile hitting her lips even as the back of her head screamed that she hadn't even remembered the date let alone got him anything in return.

Her joyfulness didn't catch as Soul's smile stayed hesitant. He leaned back into the dust, grabbing at his pack and dragging it towards where they sat. After some digging, he produced a small, square box that jittered in his trembling fingers.

"Soul…" Maka plucked it away and his hands grabbed back at her leg. All she wanted was to desperately rip it open but she rested it in her lap instead, gathering up his hands and smoothing her thumbs over his knuckles. "Why do you think that's lame?"

"Technically we're at work," he grumbled. "And… I know what you like but I'm not sure _this_ is exactly it since - _I don't know_ \- honestly, _girlfriend_ you isn't much different from _regular_ you but…" All he could add was a helpless shrug but that was entirely enough to compel Maka to action.

She scooted closer, sliding into his lap while his hands quickly moved to accommodate her. Her first answer was a kiss, tender and lingering as she tried to soothe that jangled buzz of his soul back to his regular hum. He was halfway there when she pulled away, giving enough room for the words to pass between them. "We're in a deserted forest under the stars after you saved my butt today and patched me back up. Even if this is work, it's still pretty romantic."

He only huffed with a smidge of conviction.

"And _girlfriend_ me and _regular_ me both appreciate that you even thought and remembered because I'm awful and I didn't." She sighed sweetly, especially as he shook a very forgiving head.

"That's fine," he murmured. "Just… open it, OK? Put me out of my misery."

Maka couldn't stop her eyes from rolling at the dramatics but offered one last wisp of a kiss to give him enough breath to watch her open the box between them. On a simple silver chain sat a singular wing, unfurled and ready for the wind. The metal was dimpled finely to show off each feather, such delicate detail that Maka had to squint in the firelight to catch the intricacies. "Oh, it's beautiful," she gushed.

"Yeah?" there was still a healthy amount of skepticism, but it was ripped to bits as she pulled it from his lips with her kiss.

This wasn't anything close to the feathery touch from before, stealing his breath away just as much as his sorrow. Her fingers clenched into his shirt, tapping at his sternum as she finally released his lips. "You're just… setting a dangerous precedent, Soul. If this is six months, what's a year going to look like?"

"Maybe one less gash on your leg," he croaked out a laugh.

"I'll take it." Maka pulled back enough that she could reach between them, taking the necklace out and clipping it around her neck.

Soul watched it settle against her chest as a soft, shaking sigh drifted from his lips. "I love you, Maka."

"I know," she murmured as she let her fingers press the charm into her skin. "I love you, too, and none of this, not any part of it was lame, OK?"

He didn't offer another word, just wrapping his arms tightly around her waist to cement her to him. His lips alternated between more sighs and thoughtfully placed kisses, hands clutching her tightly even though she showed no signs of letting go. "I did fine, huh?"

"More than fine." She hoped her fingers spelled the message as well, tender Morse code fluttering up and down his back.

Soul snorted a laugh, bringing goosebumps to her neck. "Think I earned you sleeping next to me under the stars?"

"Definitely."

"Let's go," he grumbled as he just barely relinquished his hold. He set about fiddling with the fire, setting it up to burn while they slept. As it roared, he wanted to blame the heat on the glowing embers but it was a healthy dose of the fact that the gift had gone over smoother than he'd ever guessed and the sight he caught when he looked over his shoulder, finding Maka arranging the bags opened one over the other instead of just side by side.

Another wave of relief washed over him as her needy fingers were grasping at him before he was even between the blankets, urging and pulling him quickly to her. As he settled, she rested her head on his shoulder and planted a few errant kisses on the cord of his neck. "I'm sorry I didn't get you anything."

"You did," he murmured back.

"Um, well, unless I did it while I was sleepwalking, Soul-"

He caught the cute quip with his lips, his hand creating an aching slide into her hair to anchor her there for long enough to let him arrange the words. "This. Just havin' you because… I wasn't wrong. I know what you like - I know you, right?"

Maka narrowed her eyes at him but the fire only sparkled against his sharky teeth as that signature smirk ate up his face. "You do, but I don't see how that's a gift from me to you, technically, you did all the work for that, didn't you?"

"Nah," he shook his head softly. "You showed me I wasn't wrong. That's enough."

"I still don't get it," Maka muttered as she poked into his cheek. "Just what are you thinking?"

He let that enigmatic smile torture her, turning his eyes up to the stars. _You just showed me that there's no way you're not completely mine, and that's the fucking sweetest gift of all._


End file.
